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  #71  
Old 10-21-2017, 02:57 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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It was a shitty poly week.

Freckles is out of control and it's causing everyone to be on edge.

Since Junior12 attends school next door to Sarge's new place, he rides the bus home daily to Sarge's. On the weeks that Freckles has the children, she is supposed to pick up Junior12 by 5pm from Sarge's house. Lately, it's been getting later and later. I was at Sarge's house Wednesday, and at 5:10, she was still not there to pick up Junior12. Not a huge issue, it's 10 minutes, but Sarge was angry- we had dinner and alone time plans. At 5:15 he sent her a text telling her she was late. She replied with 'So?" He informed her his house was not a daycare center, and she needed to make arrangements to have him picked up by 5pm.

At 5:35, she flung open the front door of Sarge's house, and barged in. She screamed at Junior12 to " Go get your favorite things from your room, because you are never coming to Daddy's house again!" I very plainly said "That's called kidnapping."

Of course, since I was there, she blamed me for all of this, when in reality, I had not said a WORD to Sarge about this.

Junior12 started to cry, and ran to me for comfort. This caused Freckles to come over to us, physically take him from me and say " Give me my motherfucking kid!' Classy, huh?

She stormed out and slammed the door behind her. We watched her peel out of the parking lot, lighting a cigarette ( with her Children in the car) as she did.

Sarge was of course upset. I called my friend, who is a family law attorney and she was able to calm him down. She explained Freckles cannot do such a thing. And if she does withhold the Children, he can file an emergency order for temporary parenting plan.

We spent a few hours sitting at his kitchen table and talking about the future. I headed for home quite upset, hungry and angry.

The next morning, Junior12 had a Doctor's appointment in my city, so Sarge took the day off work to bring him. The plan was to leave the appointment, they both come to my house and we would take Junior12 to lunch. After the appointment, Junior12 told Sarge he wasn't feeling well, so could they skip my house and just go to lunch. Sarge asked him why he felt well enough for lunch and not my house. And then, Junior12 broke down. He told Sarge that last night, Freckles had told him I was a terrible person, a terrible influence on him and his brother, and that I treated her poorly. She advised him to stay away from me. Sarge was LIVID. As much as he, and I despise Freckles for the myriad of poor life choices she continues to make, those children have NEVER heard a negative word about her from either of us. We are aware that parental alienation is quite harmful to children and would never make him "choose." She further told Junior12 she was "very hurt" that he came to me for comfort instead of her.

They came to my house, and all hell broke loose. J12 was very upset. He said he loved me, but his Mom didn't want him to. He has emotional issues as it is, so this was so confusing to him. I assured him that I loved him and his Brother like my own, and that sometimes adults choose to use words they don't really believe, just to hurt. He said " Oh, no, she really hates you!"

I called Freckles and told her what she was doing was child abuse. She hung up on me. So I texted her and told her we used to be friends, we did not need to be friends, but that I loved her Children, and we needed to act like adults and stop this. She told me I was "Crazy." and "Making her children crazy." ( I had not seen the children in over a month at this point.)

Sarge and I ended up fighting, too. Our first ever in two years. I am tired of him allowing her to walk all over him. He is constantly doing her favors, helping her set up her electronics, keeping the kids later than planned, speaking to him like he's a toddler, threatening him constantly with the children, etc.

They left and it was a rough night for all. I was very uncertain what the future looks like for Sarge and I, and I still am a bit.

He called me later that night and we talked. I explained that I needed to set a boundary. I could no longer stand by and watch him be walked on. If he chose to allow it to continue, then I was going to have to walk away. She is a toxic person, and him choosing to keep her as "friend" in order to avoid conflict was not going to work for me.

He assured me that her manipulating her children was the final straw for him. FINALLY! After almost 18 months of this, he was ANGRY and not going to allow it to continue. He called his lawyer first thing Thursday morning and told her the gloves were off. If Freckles is going to play dirty, he was ready to fight. He is no longer going to allow her to boss him around, or decide who is where when. He is going to fight for what's best for his children!

He apologized for their fight the night before, but informed her via text message that she was no longer welcome in his home. She could wait outside when she picks J12 up after school. He also informed her that moving forward, all communication needed to be about the Children only, and had to be emotionless. She "Whatevered" him.

Friday started fine, and Sarge showed me some text messages. Evidently, J12 had asked her to please apologize to Daddy for the fight and told her he was disappointed in how she was acting. She replied by taking his dinner away and telling him until he apologized to her for saying he was disappointed, he couldn't eat " her food." J12 was texting Sarge, begging him to pick him up, saying he was scared of her, and hungry, but she refused to let him eat until she told him she was the best mommy in the word. WTACTUALFUCK?????

Sarge texted her immediately, and she claimed J12 was playing him. He had apologized and she gave him his food back. (To be fair, as mentioned, J12 does have emotional issues, so this was likely partly a manipulation on his part, as well.)

She sent Sarge a text a little later saying J12 was upset, and wnated her to apologize, so she was. She then said they needed to be 'Friends. Like two married people who live apart; for the sake of the kids."

I was SO DAMN PROUD to see Sarge had replied " I am not your friend, we are not two married people living apart. I am co-parenting our children with you, and that is all."

She once again whatevered him. Sigh.

My plan for this evening is to go to his city, treat him to a delicious Italian dinner and then check into a swank hotel. I am going to treat him to a nice long massage, a slow, very long oral session, and a night of lovemaking and no Freckles talk.

For my part, I have decided to forgive her, although she did not apologize, and never will. I am not going to allow her to live rent free in my head, I have far too many wonderful things to enjoy.

Life will move on. The divorce will play out, custody issues will be settled, and hopefully Sarge can remain true to his decision to make Freckles nothing more than his co-parent.

I feel terrible for the children, as they should never have to be in this position. I truly hope she realizes the damage she is causing them and changes her course sooner than later.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #72  
Old 10-22-2017, 12:09 AM
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That's outrageous behavior by Freckles ... I hope Sarge sticks with his determination to put his foot down and not let her walk all over him.

Hang in there.
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  #73  
Old 10-23-2017, 09:10 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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My evening with Sarge was just what we needed to de-stress and re-connect.

He met me at the hotel at 6:30, we showered, got ready and headed out for a sinful Italian dinner. We held hands across the candle-lit table and just chatted about mundane things. At one point, he mentioned Freckles, and I gave him a look, he caught on right away and that was the end of that.

After dinner, we returned to the hotel and had a wonderful night. Though his new house sat empty only 12 miles away, something about being in a hotel makes us feel like we are in an alternative world. It was relaxing, sex-filled, loving and fun. We both slept like rocks and woke up smiling Sunday morning. We had a light breakfast in hotel restaurant, and headed back upstairs for a proper goodbye. We lazed in each others arms, read the Sunday paper in bed and just enjoyed being. It was a good practice for our cruise in three weeks.

We kissed goodbye in the parking lot around 11am, and I headed for home. I was not 3 minutes out of the lot when a feeling of dread came over me, something told me I needed to kiss him one more time. I called his phone, and it went to voicemail, so I turned around. I found him rifling through his car, and he said he could not find his phone. I called it again, but nothing. I headed back up to the room, and there it was, on the coffee table.

When I got back to the lot, and held it above my head victoriously, he grabbed me in a warm embrace. He asked how I knew to come back? I told him I wasn't really sure. Just a feeling that I needed to turn around. He then gave me the best compliment he could; " You are always exactly what I need when I need it."

It melted my heart. We kissed goodbye again and headed for our respective homes. I came home to Steel and the dumplings and we four enjoyed a day of grocery shopping, lunch and being together.

Freckles obviously didn't follow through with her threat, because the Juniors were dropped off 15 minutes early to Sarge. I wish I could say it was because she realized that keeping the Children from their Father was not only illegal, but wrong; but I suspect the reason is because she doesn't even want them when she has them, nonetheless does she want them MORE than that. J12 told me "All Mom does is sit outside and smoke and play on her phone." Sarge said when she knocked on the door, he let the kids in, said thanks and closed the door, so he is so far honoring his commitment to avoid being her friend.

Steel is feeling better physically and is ready to start playing the field again. If he actually does, I will support him 1000%.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #74  
Old 11-14-2017, 04:55 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Almost the Holiday season already! WOW!

Life here is moving along. Steel is 100% recovered and happy.

BIG NEWS. My Mom called and asked if they were still invited for Thanksgiving. I said of course, they never were NOT invited, but Sarge and the Juniors will be here. She said My dad decided to be a big boy and try it out. Lord help us.

I still can't think about Freckles without wanting to beat up something, so I push all thoughts of her out of my head as soon as I can.

Sarge has been very good at keeping his boundary with her, as far as I know.

Just another day in my boring, poly life. And that's how I like it.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #75  
Old 06-23-2018, 06:50 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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WAY too long since I updated. If for no one else, but me.

Sarge ended up sick and not coming to Thanksgiving. My parents came though, and it was a shit show. We are pretty much estranged at this point. I speak to my Mom, but it's all very surface stuff. Sad, really.

Steel is 1 year post-op now and doing GREAT. He is healthy, strong and feeling fine. We are leaving in a week for our yearly beach house trip and we are both looking forward to a week of relaxation, sun, surf, and sex!

Sarge and Freckles are officially divorced. What a waste of time, money and resources that was. At the end of the day, it took almost TWO years, they each spent almost $10K in attorney's fees, and the divorce settlement was VERBATIM what Sarge originally asked for when he filed. Because Freckles is a textbook narcissist, with plain stupidity dashed in and a money hungry lawyer, she fought him on THE most petty, nonsense things. She " lost" on every turn, because Circuit court Judges aren't in the business of revenge and pettiness. They care about ONE thing, and that is the Children. So what could have been done and over in 90 days with a $300 filing fee, cost $20K, two years and a lot of sleepless nights.

I honestly do not think I have ever HATED anyone in my life, until now. Once she showed me her true colors, and the type of Mother she is, I disliked her. Once I saw her behavior throughout the divorce, I came to DESPISE her. I have given her a nickname, TED. ( The Egg Donor, since that's really all she is to the Children at this point.) I would be ok never laying eyes on her again, and due to the Children's drop off/pick up point being school and camp, I don't imagine I will soon.

Sarge renewed his lease, and will stay another year while he continues to re-build his nest egg.

Steel is STILL single except for me. Meeting women is hard work. Meeting women who are ok with our relationship structure is even harder.

In October of last year, I decided to get healthy! I have lost 65lbs!! I feel FABULOUS!

Hanging around the house today doing some yard work, etc. Tomorrow Steel and I will take the kids to the water park!

Oh! Pink! messaged me on fetlife. She saw my name pop up on a mutual friend's page and wanted to reach out. She and CPK now have TWO babies, and are living happily ever after. She said she always like Sarge and I, and she was sorry if she had to scoop us up in the pile of garbage with TED. I understood and wished them a long, happy life together. There is some symbiosis in everyone being happy except for the one who started all the misery.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.

Last edited by Ellamenopea; 06-23-2018 at 07:04 PM.
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  #76  
Old 06-24-2018, 01:33 AM
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Glad to hear the divorce is final, maybe now the healing can begin. And congrats on your weight loss!
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  #77  
Old 08-03-2018, 12:26 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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My oldest nugget is now driving. We bought her a car, and the stress when she pulls away is slowly killing me. She's a good driver, and very responsible, but, WOW, it's scary. What's even scarier is the insurance bill. Our payment went up over $300 EACH MONTH for her AND the car. Ouch.

Steel is great, we have really been getting along beautifully the last few months, not that we never had an issue of not getting along, but it just seems like we are closer lately.

Sarge is doing well, too. We have had some minor hiccups in communication, and some frustration regarding his Junior's behavior's, and Sarge's lack of correcting them. When they are with TED, they are all but ignored. She feeds them ( by giving them junk food in their rooms) and reminds them to shower every few days, but overall, she ignores them, and plugs them in to electronics to keep them quiet.

They have ZERO structure/discipline when they are with her, match that with the fact that they each have their respective emotional issues, and by the time they get to Sarge, they are off the rails. They are both obese, the younger one more so- I mean of course they are, they sit in their dark rooms and eat all day long 1/2 the month. At least when they are with Sarge, he takes them to the pool, and plays with them, and TRIES to feed them somewhat healthily.

He usually fails, as they refuse to eat anything they don't deem worthy, and while I say that hungry people will eat anything, Sarge feels guilt, so gives in, and grabs fast food, and it frustrates me to no end. I get it, they aren't MY children- but I can't help but feel like someone has to be the voice of reason. The older one is already in therapy, and has been for years, to almost no help.

The bottom line is, they have a useless Mother and an overwhelmed Father.

I have BEGGED Sarge to try and meet someone. A nesting partner, or even a nice woman to date. I am an HOUR away, and only see him once a week, sometimes even less, and I hate that he's alone so much. I also feel guilty for being his only " bucket filler." But, he refuses. What the answer is, I don't know.

Sarge pointed out last night that every single disagreement/stress/anger we have ever had has been directly traceable back to TED. She is such a terrible person, at her very core. I think I am sub-consciously angry at her for fooling me into thinking she was a good person for so long.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #78  
Old 08-03-2018, 02:34 PM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellamenopea View Post
What's even scarier is the insurance bill. Our payment went up over $300 EACH MONTH for her AND the car. Ouch.
When I was a new, young driver, long long ago, I explored insurance and found it to be outrageously priced ... but then learned that I could get a drastically lowered rate if my vehicle was used for business. At the time, in fact, I was doing handyman work. So I told the insurance company my pickup is used for business. And that lowered my rate dramatically. This was a long time ago, but it's worth looking into. I never had to prove that my truck was used for business, by the way. They simply took my word on it -- and it happened to be true.
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  #79  
Old 08-11-2018, 08:55 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Sarge and I came thisclose to calling it quits this past week. It was extremely emotionally taxing, and exhausting. It stemmed from his Junior13 touching me inappropriately, and Sarge's reaction - or lack thereof- to it. He treated it as no big deal, just a 'boys will be boys thing.' I saw it as assault, and still do. A 13 year old boy has no business putting his hands on a woman's breasts without her consent, nevertheless, his Father's adult girlfriend. I was so angry at Sarge for basically taking away the computer for an hour. I wanted him to have a serious discussion about consent, assault, and autonomy. I have mentioned before that J13 has some issues, is likely bi-polar, suffers from dermotillomania, and has the EQ of a box of rocks. Diagnoses aside, he is highly intelligent, and knows right from wrong- so while he claims he was " Just being funny," I was horrified.

As has been the pattern for his entire life, Sarge chose to basically sweep it under the rug to avoid conflict. It all stems from his childhood, where he grew up with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill Mother- he learned that staying quiet and not rocking boats keeps things calm and even. BUT, I have always been one to believe one must rise above their shitty childhood- you can only blame it for so long.

Sarge avoiding conflict has been the only issue we have had since we started dating- it's a pattern that keeps happening. It happens with TED- he let's her walk all over him- still. It happens with the kids- he will give in to their demands rather than deal with the inevitable fall out for being a parent. Frustrating, to say the least.

I can only imagine how hard it is to be a single parent- to two children with emotional issues, so I try to be all 'not my circus, not my monkey's' about it, but I don't do so well. I stick my nose in, give unsolicited parenting advice, and try and basically parent them. But, I now realize they really AREN'T my monkeys. Their useless Mother and overwhelmed Father are the people who have to deal with it.

Sarge finally got angry enough at it all, and it came to a rolling boil on Tuesday. He claims he is DONE being a doormat, done taking shit from everyone, including me, and that some change is blowing through. I suppose time will tell, but I love him, and I'm not ready to give up on us so easily.

I skipped going to his house last weekend, feigning illness, but, as I came clean to Sarge with this week, it was because the kids were there, and I was avoiding the situation.

This weekend we have not seen each other either, as it's all just so raw. What's going to happen is unclear.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #80  
Old 08-12-2018, 06:25 PM
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Sorry to hear things are rough with Sarge right now. I hope things get better.
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