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  #11  
Old 03-15-2016, 03:36 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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@Reverie- Yes, I guess it was easy to have compersion, because I had not yet met her. All I saw was Steel being excited and that made me excited!

I met Laney. We three sat in my living room and chatted. She had a lot of questions for me, and mostly was just seeking my approval. I made it crystal clear that I am ok with all of it. I actually liked her very much, it was easy to see what Steel sees in her.

The only thing she stated that gave me pause was that if she met someone else who was marriage minded, she's stop seeing Steel. I get it. She wants marriage and a white picket fence. She seemed focused on the end game, instead of just BEING in the now and enjoying. She did state she was not actively looking. I am just going to be happy for them, allow them time to grow their relationship, and be here for Steel if the shoe drops.

They left after we chatted, and went to dinner and to Steel's gig- by the time they got back, I was dead to the world. having taken Nyquil because I was fighting a cold. Steel later told me they watched some TV while snuggled on the couch, and had a nice make-out session. I guess her reservations about poly aren't THAT staunch, as my couch is less than ten feet from my bed- only a closed door was between us.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling like I got hit by a truck, the cold had turned for the worse, and I was a mess. I told Sarge that I felt like crap, but he still wanted me to come down. I changed from Pj's to clean Pj's and drove down. As soon as I arrived, I crawled into his bed and went back to sleep. He woke me a little after to give me some meds he had gotten for me. I spent the day dozing in and out of consciousness, with Sarge checking on me, bringing me liquids, etc. Around 7pm, I was feeling better and RAVENOUS. Freckles and CPK came back from CPK's house and stayed with the Juniors so we could grab dinner. I felt better after dinner, so we watched Walking Dead and snuggled until I fell asleep. I woke up a few times over the next couple hours and just to see Sarge next to me, on his laptop, hand on my hip, as I slept, was so peaceful. I felt safe, loved, and protected.

I woke up at 3am to find him not in bed. I found him on his couch. He said I was snoring so loudly that he could not fall asleep. I was embarrassed and felt awful. He said he knew I was sick and the sound was coming from my sinuses. What a great guy! He took Monday off work to spend with me, and I felt so bad because I didn't feel like doing anything. He got up early and took the kids to school, and woke me when he got back. We lay around chatting and snuggling, and eventually both fell fast asleep. We awoke at noon, went for a quick lunch, and I headed for home around 3.

I got home and still felt awful, so I spent the evening with Steel and the dumplings, mostly me on the couch and them hanging around.

I still feel like crap, and wish it would just go AWAY. I am leaving on a girls' trip in two weeks, and do NOT want to feel sick.

Steel and Laney have a dinner date tonight- I feel happy for them, but also selfish, because I feel like death and want my husband to come home and cook for our kids and clean the house so I can sleep. I'll power through. I want them to have their time.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #12  
Old 03-15-2016, 06:05 PM
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Get feeling better soon, okay?
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  #13  
Old 03-15-2016, 07:56 PM
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Oh no, I hope you feel better soon.

We had a nasty round of colds hit my local work/family/social circles lately. Zen had a sniffle, then I caught it, mine was a very mild case but Zen got worse for a while, then Analyst caught it and it really laid him low, too. There were several people at one of the BDSM parties who seemed sick. I mentioned that it felt like the club was a damn daycare center or something, everybody swapping cold bugs...yeesh... And now my son is sick. It's a-goin' a-round...
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  #14  
Old 03-17-2016, 03:54 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Thank you Kevin and Spork! I am FINALLY feeling close to human again. Between the pollen and this cold, I was wanting to rip my sinuses out. Round the clock Sudafed and Benadryl has brought me to a functioning state!


Steel said date with Laney went GREAT. I was a tad off put by how 'needy'? she is being- wanting constant texting, calling him every night, etc. And then I remembered how I felt with Sarge. And I realized it's all just wonderful, dopey, NRE.

Sarge, Freckles, CPK and I maintain a shared Cozi account (an app for family scheduling) it really helps for anyone of us to be able to pull it up and see who is doing what on any given day. If it's not in Cozi, it can't be counted on. Now I have to compare Cozi to Steel and Laney's schedules, too. But after a little negotiating and give and take, we ALL have a solid (but flexible for emergencies) schedule worked out through the end of April.

Dimples is in our city this weekend. She arrived last night. She is here for work, and has a tight schedule of meetings and conferences, but the plan was to have lunch with Steel tomorrow. She texted last night and asked if he could also do lunch today. He agreed, and after a lot of thought, decided it only fair to tell her about Laney. He told her he had met and was seeing someone, but that he still loved her and wanted to see her for lunch. She went radio silent. It made him feel like shit. Which made me mad and sad.

She texted him this morning and said "Meet you at 11?" And he said of course, and that he was looking forward to seeing her.

She said "Ok, cause I don't want to cramp your style."

Passive Aggressive much???? UGH.

As much as I know they care about one another, she lives EIGHT hours, as the crow flies, away. They have laid eyes on each other FIVE times in the last 25 years. And the fact that she has to make him feel bad for being happy and finding someone who can offer him more than a text date makes me very very angry.

The good news is, he is VERY smitten with Laney, and I predict Dimples slowly fading out of the picture. Laney left for a weekend trip this morning, and will return Saturday, and I know he will miss her.

I haven't seen Sarge since I left his house Monday, but will be going down Sunday for the day (And I believe Laney will spend the day here with Steel and our dumplings!) I'm looking forward to kissing his rugged face again. Some days, I want to reach through Skype and pull him out.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #15  
Old 03-22-2016, 12:35 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Steel met Dimples again for lunch on Friday. He said it was casual chat, but that he acknowledged to her that things were cooling down. He explained that if she was more geographically desirable, things would be very different. She was upset, but agreed. They will still keep in touch, and care about each other quite a bit.

Sunday was a great day. I drove the hour to Sarge's house and it was an easy, fun day. We did nothing of note, and that's how I like it. I am all for being lazy. I cooked corned beef and cabbage, we watched TV, he went for a haircut. It was a typical lazy Sunday, filled with snuggles, kisses and togetherness.

Laney came over to my house too. She and Steel took the kids to lunch, then they watched Pee Wee's Vacation, and spent their Sunday much the same way. Lazy. Both of my dumplings claimed Laney was very nice, and they liked her a lot.

I'm dealing with some anxiety the last few days, and it plain sucks. I have finally been able to process and realize where it's stemming from. One is the fact that although Steel has been on many first ( and a few second ) dates, and was emotionally invested in Dimples, this is the first time I have had to deal with REAL jealousy in poly. He and Laney are in the throes of NRE and hearing his phone chime constantly, and know of plans they are making stings. I get it. Theoretically. But just because I choose to label myself as poly, does not mean I am immune to jealousy. What am I jealous of? I don't know. I can't quite place my finger on it. Lack of control is what i'm thinking.... I am type A to the core.

The other issue is fear. Steel is very respected at his office. And after some talking, it became evident to me that he and Laney may be getting a little to familiar at the office. Nothing physical, but spending time chatting, about what they did, what they are going to do, etc. Winks, smiles, flirty stuff. It makes me WILDLY uncomfortable. I explained this to Steel, and he agreed it would stop. Then of course, he came home last night, we had a chat about his day, and it was revealed that while she was at his desk, they chatted
" quietly" about their plans to go away this weekend together. I reminded him that he is anything BUT quiet. He has a loud, booming voice that projects. He said he was sure no one was around, but I explained that walls have ears. Steel is not a gossip, and the world could literally crumble around him and he wouldn't notice. I had to explain that *most* people
(especially catty office women) are NOT like that. I explained that ANY shred of a hint that something is going on is all it takes and wildfire ensues. People love dirty laundry, and nothing is juicier than a good old fashioned office affair. I was pounding into him that all it takes is one person to hear ONE keyword that gives the allusion that something is going on, and it would grow from there. He refused to understand, saying no one listens when they talk, and we ended up in a screaming match. I could NOT get through to him the severity of it. I said they have to go out of their way to be hyper-vigilant, because now there is something to hide. My children and my family are on the line here, and I am not going to allow anyone to jeopardize that- including Steel.

The fight intensified, and I told him flat out that if he could not keep it 100% strictly professional at work, one of them needed to find alternative employment, or they need to stop seeing each other. The last thing I need is Steel losing his job, or worse, the respect of his staff and management. I gave him the advice that from this moment on, he should not say anything out loud at the office that he wouldn't feel comfortable saying if the PA system was on. That seemed to resonate with him and he assured me it would stop.

He texted Laney his thoughts, and she agreed. She also said " I'm sure we've already given people more than enough reason to suspect something. We are like giddy high school kids together. It's so hard to stay away from your desk." I gave him a 'told ya so.' and I think it finally then hit him that not everyone is aloof and uninterested in office politics and gossip.

I sit here this morning hoping that he heard me loud and crystal clear. If you insist on shitting where you eat, letting people seeing you do it is a fatal mistake. Especially in corporate America. Work at Taco Bell? Have at it! A six-figure corporate job? Don't do it. So, time will tell. I know he wouldn't purposely do anything to put us in harms' way, or his career in jeopardy, but NRE is a tricky minx, and it's far too easy to think with the wrong head.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.

Last edited by Ellamenopea; 03-22-2016 at 12:46 PM. Reason: spelling
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  #16  
Old 03-28-2016, 09:12 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Steel and Laney had their first overnight this past weekend.

I'd be lying if I said I was totally fine with it. In reality, I had a pretty retched reaction to it. Like I said, Dimples is so far, she's never been a "threat." Laney is local, and real.

They left Friday after work and drove to a city two hours away, where Steel had a gig and a hotel for the night.

I was sick to my stomach and not feeling good about it at all. Sarge came over here around 8pm, and saw I was not well. I cried. A lot. I can't even put into words what I was feeling. Just overall grief. I KNOW Steel won't leave me. I KNOW it's illogical that I was sitting my in MY house, with MY boyfriend, and still jealous. Sarge was able to talk me down, and by morning, I felt 100% better and complete compersion. I am a control freak- I don't deny it. Steel is smart enough to know me, and knew that my over-reactionary texts and calls were nothing more than a temporary break in sanity. I apologized profusely, and he was smart enough to not let Laney know what was going on. She stated to him she was concerned that I "hated her now" or was going to veto their relationship. I sent her a private message via social media letting her know all was well, and I was happy for them. She appreciated that.

I guess my reaction was based on the fact that this is the first time Steel has spent the night with another woman. It was unknown and scary. But I feel all better, and ready to be happy again.

Sarge took wonderful care of me emotionally, and when we woke Saturday morning, all was well. I made breakfast, then we took my dumplings shopping and out to lunch. It was a perfect day.

Steel texted Sarge on Sunday to thank him for calming me. Sarge replied of course, and that he loved me. Neither would tell me anymore of the conversation, but to hear from one man that I love, that the other one loves me too, was the closest to heaven I have ever felt. I have heard Sarge tell me he loves me many times, but to know he told Steel, is another level of satisfaction.

Dimples is pretty much just a text friend at this point for Steel. He is focusing his energy and time on Laney, and I am ok with that. I'm actually feeling great.

Friday night should be interesting. My best friend is flying in and we are all having dinner ( Myself, Steel, Best friend, Sarge, Laney and my dumplings.) Then Saturday morning we are all attending a charity walk in honor of a disease my oldest child has. It's nice to know that we have people that love us so much that they are willing to get up at 6am on a Saturday to walk 5k for us.

Best friend and I leave Saturday evening for a Girls' trip to Las Vegas!! The plan is for Sarge to drop us at the airport on his way home. Sarge is very nervous, about me flying, being so far away, etc. He's a nervous Nelly to begin with, but having me so far away makes him uneasy. His reasoning is, what if something happens to me? He'd be too far away to help me. I assured him I will be extra cautious, and take good care of myself. Laney is spending the night here Saturday, then leaving her car here for a week, while she heads out of state on a week long business trip. It will be the first time she is sleeping in my house, in my bed. Hopefully the fact that I will be in Las Vegas will ease any anxiety I have over that.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.

Last edited by Ellamenopea; 03-28-2016 at 09:15 PM.
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  #17  
Old 03-28-2016, 11:16 PM
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Have a good time in Vegas.
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  #18  
Old 04-15-2016, 10:24 PM
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Vegas was a roaring success, as usual. Best friend and I go every single year, and always enjoy relaxing, having some drinks, and not having a schedule.

Things on the home front are chugging along. We all had dinner the Friday night before I left, and except for being a little awkward getting everyone seated in a way that made sense, dinner was fine. Laney obviously has NO issue showing Steel PDA in front of me, and although I am ok with it, I *did* feel a little like she was "testing" me to see how i'd react.

She left for her house after dinner, and Sarge slept here ( on the couch) We all met a bunch of other friends' downtown early Saturday morning for the charity walk, and that was a success as well. We all headed back to my house so best friend and I could wrap up packing and head to the airport.

The original plan was for Sarge to drop best friend and I at the airport on his way home (about 3pm.) I got a text message from the airline at 2pm that my 5pm flight was delayed 4 HOURS!! GRRRR.. leaving the East coast at 9pm, to fly 5 hours was not something I was at all looking forward to. Best friend and I scrambled, and tried to get on another flight, but everything was sold out. When 4pm hit, we decided to give up and take a flight out at 5am instead. Best friend and I went into the living room to tell Steel and Laney (who was all cuddled up on him) of my decision. And Laney ROLLED HER EYES! I was certain I imagined it. She was supposed to stay over that night, and leave for her own flight at 4am Sunday morning, so me not leaving now meant that she was going to have to sleep at home, or on my couch and miss a night with Steel. ( No one actually SAID that, but it's what was inferred.) The original plan of leaving her car here was nixed, and she was now taking a shuttle from my house. ( Her car was parked at her house, Steel followed her home after the charity walk so she could drop it off.)

Best friend and I went back into my bedroom to call the airline, and I got another text, the flight was moved back to 6pm! We high fived, did a dance and I told Sarge (who was passed out on my bed) to get his ass in gear and let's go. I said goodbye to my dumplings, and Steel and Laney and was at the curbside less than 20 mins later. Sarge teared up when we said goodbye, but I promised him I'd take good care.

Once we were airborne and settled, I asked best friend if she noticed Laney's eye roll. She said she was DYING to say something to me about it, but didn't want to damper the trip if I hadn't seen it. So I had not imagined it. I get it. She was disappointed, but come on!

Anyway, the trip was a success, both of my loves kept in good contact, and I assured them both I was fine a lot. The time difference helped, because after 8pm Vegas time, I didn't have to "check in" with anyone, as they were all heading to sleep on the East coast.

I arrived home Weds evening, and was picked up by a very loving Steel. He said Laney had gotten off on her trip early Sunday morning and since I was gone, and our dumplings had school each day, he had been talking to her via telephone each night for an hour or so. This ended up causing an issue.

When I got home Weds, we ate with our children, watched a couple of shows I missed while I was gone, then enjoyed being husband and wife for the evening. He checked his phone around 11pm, and found some texts from a very displeased Laney. He chose to not reply at that time and we went to sleep. He told me the next morning she sent him some messages saying that this kind of behavior was not acceptable. He told her that he had missed me and was spending quality time with me. She took that to mean sex, and told him she really didn't need to KNOW that. Sigh.

He states he talked her down and explained that this is how poly works, yadda, yadda. She said she didn't feel like she was getting 50% of his time. To which he sternly explained that he never promised her 50%. I again reminded him that I feel she needs more than he can provide. He states that she understood now.

They texted on and off over the following days, and on Sunday morning, she sent him a message saying she changed her flight home, and instead of arriving at 10pm, she was going to be home at 2pm, and what was he doing tonight? He said we were going to pick out new appliances, having lunch and hanging out. She asked what time he'd be done, and he said he wasn't sure, but why did she want to know? She said she changed her flight "In hopes of getting to see my boyfriend tonight." He explained that they had not originally planned to see each other this day, and he was going to spend the day and evening with me. This went over like lead balloon. She had been gone for a week, was it such a big deal to want to see her boyfriend? Double sigh. I'm not sure of what the conversation was, but again, he states he talked her down and all was well.

Tuesday was their normal date night, but we had purchased new sofa's on Sunday as well, and we were picking them up to save delivery fees. Our next door neighbor offered his truck, at 7pm on Tuesday night. Steel told Laney they could leave from work (at 4pm) and have dinner near the office, but that he had to leave by 6:45, in order to get home to take advantage of our neighbors' generosity. She was again NOT happy. She pondered why it was always HER being sacrificed. He explained that was not the case. He has a wife. And two children, and TWO jobs, and is in the middle of a whole house renovation. He explained that he is in this for the long term, and that it's not a destination, but a journey. I think she is stuck in mono, relationship escalator mode, and trying to cram all the feels and good stuff into one pocket of time.

Needless to say, I am not hopeful for their future. It's a shame, as I like her. he likes her. She ADORES Steel. But I think she plain just needs to be with someone mono who can make her the center of his world. But, I kept that to myself. It is not my job to fix her, or help her see the light.

Other than ALL that, things are great. My house is coming along nicely, I am more in love with Steel and Sarge than ever before.

Tomorrow, I am waiting for my new appliance delivery, then heading down to Sarge's city for the night. I miss him SO much. I haven't seen him in a week and I need some Sarge love! Laney is attending a wedding tomorrow, and has plans at 6am Sunday morning, but asked Steel if she could come over after the wedding, and at least spend the night since I will be gone. He said of course.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.

Last edited by Ellamenopea; 04-15-2016 at 10:35 PM.
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Old 04-19-2016, 10:28 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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My mind and emotions are all over the damn place today!

First, it appears Freckles and CPK are done. They have been together for almost two years. He has always been mono. Several months back, he met a woman, Pink, and started to date her. Pink is also single. She knew CPK had a long term, poly girlfriend. Freckles had a pretty bad reaction to it. She was extremely NOT OK with CPK dating. Though she is perfectly OK and happy with Sarge and I. (She is very accommodating, helps us figure out ways to spend time together, etc.) For reasons that she cannot even explain, she does not like the idea of CPK dating. She finally agreed to meet Pink, and see how it went. We actually all met her. She was delightful, and well aware of the polycule and dynamic. Freckles even liked her. But she was still very uncomfortable with it. She never actually gave CPK an ultimatum, but it was implied. He ended things with Pink. A few days ago, CPK brought up the idea of looking for another relationship again. ( Freckles currently stays at his house every other night.) CPK claims he is bored on the nights she is not there, and would like to have someone else. They chatted briefly about it, and Freckles agreed they would revisit it later in the week. Yesterday, CPK told Freckles that he had called Pink and had a date with her tonight. Freckles was blindsided. The fact that he not only unilaterally decided to "start looking," but that he re-opened the can of worms that is Pink was a huge slap. Freckles basically told him she will not stay with him if he does this. He basically called her selfish, and "situation poly." So they may be done, or CPK may realize he can't live without her. My heart breaks for her, but my selfish side is worried about ME! Isn't that horrible? How will this turn my relationship with Sarge? What if she decides she wants to be mono, and tells Sarge he needs to choose? ( Much like I did to Steel and Dimples after Sarge and I broke up last time) Right now, I sleep at their house several times a month, and she goes to CPK's house. What's going to happen if she has nowhere to go? They have a guest bedroom, and I know I am just playing worse case scenario and Devil's advocate, but I tend to over-think. In reality, I know Sarge loves me. And I know Freckles loves me. We consider each other family. I can't see her pulling a veto. Still, I worry, especially because I have DONE IT MYSELF.

The other issue on my mind is pregnancy. I had a tubal ligation after my youngest dumpling was born, so I have not had to worry. Sarge is also fixed, as he had a vasectomy several years ago. Freckles is on the depo shot. Laney is NOT on birth control. Though she and Steel use condoms, they are not fail safe. It occurred to me this morning that they are playing with fire. I explained my fears to Steel, tried to emphasize how a baby would ruin his life, my life, our dumplings lives. And we fought. He said he is careful. I asked him what would Laney do in case of an unplanned pregnancy? He said she was PRO-LIFE!!! Which goes against everything I not only stand for, but believe. I told him that was his answer. He agreed after I basically beat him over the head with a mallet and told him I would divorce him if she got pregnant. He's scheduled for a vasectomy next week. He told Laney that he needed to abstain from penetrative sex until 12 weeks after the procedure and she asked " Was this your idea or Elle's?" Who gives a Russian Rats' ass whose idea it was???????????? She's none too thrilled with waiting twelve weeks for sex, but it is what it is. She can take her pro-life beliefs to her grave, but she's not getting a chance to rope my husband into eighteen years of child support. Damn, that sounded bitchy. But, I feel how I feel and I am not budging on this.

So, I am anxious, feeling edgy and just need to find my center.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel, in a relationship with Sarge.

Steel: (48) My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J13 and J9.

Dumpling16 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.

Last edited by Ellamenopea; 04-19-2016 at 10:31 PM.
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  #20  
Old 04-20-2016, 02:38 PM
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Given how Laney has occasionally behaved and how she seems like monofolk playing in polyville, I think that your feelings about the matter of birth control and her pro life beliefs are very sensible. I'm glad that Steel is willing to get a vasectomy. So many men really get freaked about the whole idea, but it's truly not a big deal at all.

I actually had a personal horrified recoil reaction internally to reading that Freckles takes depo. That stuff is PURE EVIL. It was one of the biggest factors in serious damage to my marriage. I mean, if I had to list like the top five things that, over 18 years, caused harm to my relationship with my ex, it would be one of them. When I was on it, it was difficult for me to be loving and social, let alone sexual. Then when I went off of it, I temporarily lost my mind as it was like...if you can imagine, a robot becoming flesh again, or someone living in a world of black and white suddenly snapping into vibrant color. I strongly speak against depo to most people. It is bad, bad mojo. If she ever stops taking it though, strap in and prepare for chaos.

I actually follow news rather closely of a product called Vasalgel, which is similar to another one in India called RISUG. It's a contraceptive for use by men, involving an easily reversable and very effective one-time injection. I hope that it gets through the FDA red tape sometime in the foreseeable future. I suspect that they have to make sure it would be profitable, or wouldn't harm the existing profit margins, for Pharma. The scoundrels.

Funny story; unrelated... there is a man I have an interest in, and if you weren't already using the nickname "Steel" for one of your loves, I'd probably use that name for him. I'm going to have to be a bit more creative now, because I don't want to use a name already deployed by another poster on the forum.

Best wishes, I hope that all the disturbances sort themselves out and that the vasectomy procedure goes as smoothly and easily as I've heard they usually do.
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Zen Sadist late 50's, M - Sadomasochistic Top, Lover, Nesting Partner. My all around wonderful Man Person.

Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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