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  #31  
Old 11-24-2014, 05:46 PM
Middlegirl Middlegirl is offline
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Smile I love hearing good news!

I am glad to hear your pregnancy is going so well. I am also glad you have two supportave partners that's great...

I like reading your blog. I love the boring day to day stuff. I hope the rest of your pregnancy stays drama free...
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  #32  
Old 11-25-2014, 12:19 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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I wondered what was happening with you. Glad to here things are going well!
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  #33  
Old 11-29-2014, 06:24 PM
breezy breezy is offline
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I'm also very much enjoying your story. Particularly how it involves the kids and bringing a new baby into the mix. I know it's just part of what your normal life includes, but I'm curious about how your schedule works. How far apart are your two homes? What kind of contact do you have with the kids and W when you are with M and vice versa?

Sending you loving baby vibes
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  #34  
Old 05-19-2017, 11:45 PM
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SlowPoly SlowPoly is offline
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Default Oops. A couple of years went by...

Life got busy there for a while. Still is, really. How best to sum up, for anyone who is interested?

Baby was born, and everyone instantly fell in love. Mitch is a doting father, and Woof loves having a little person around again.

After an adjustment period (which included a move that put even more distance between Mitch's and Woof's homes), we settled into a weekly rhythm of me and the youngest living primarily with Mitch, but spending two days and two nights with Woof and the teens. Occasionally a teen or two comes to stay with me and Mitch and the toddler, or travels with us. Aside from some whiplash at the interchange between the chaos of the larger family and the peace of the smaller one, I like the schedule we have.

The usual issues that come up in relationships (at least mine) have continued to cycle like the tide - household standards, communication preferences, ups and downs of libido. But mostly everything is stable chaos on a foundation of contentment-for-now.

I have dreams of how we could live closer (maybe someday). I would love to spend less time and energy traveling between homes, and I would love for the teens to be able to flow back and forth on their own. I would really like to not live in the closet in the place I spend most of my time, with the limits that puts on my social openness and authenticity. As I haven't yet found the magic (or treasure in the form of liquid assets) that will let that happen, I shall continue to be patient and enjoy the goodness that we have, and the work we do to maintain it.
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SlowPoly v hinge living between two homes

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  #35  
Old 05-20-2017, 01:10 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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This sounds like a rare success story. Thanks for sharing.
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  #36  
Old 05-20-2017, 05:15 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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SlowPoly, lovely to hear from you! I have been thinking about you and your families every now and then, hoping that you all are doing fine. Life like yours does sound busy! I am so happy for you (plural) that you got this baby! Also happy for the baby to arrive as a very welcome addition into this loving family.

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Originally Posted by SlowPoly View Post
I would really like to not live in the closet in the place I spend most of my time, with the limits that puts on my social openness and authenticity. As I haven't yet found the magic (or treasure in the form of liquid assets) that will let that happen, I shall continue to be patient and enjoy the goodness that we have, and the work we do to maintain it.
This. We are closeted, too, to most people around us - and it does limit my ability to be authentic and make new friends locally. However, it is best to enjoy what we have and be patient.
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  #37  
Old 02-15-2018, 06:35 AM
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Just popping in to say things are still plugging along.

I spend a couple of days and nights a week with Woof and the teens, a couple of hours from where I live with Mitch. I’m usually exhausted by the chaos of the Woof home by the 48-hour mark, when we head back to Mitch’s. Still, the way the teens and Woof embrace me and the little one (now three years old!), and the way they take care of us and want to share *everything* in those two days...it’s just incredible to be loved like that.

I hate to keep the little one away from Mitch for too long - these are precious months, and he has only the one child. Weekends, I’ve been trying to take some time for myself, and give them more time alone together. While I like the special character of my alone-with-little-one time, I get a bit lonely on weekdays, when Mitch is at work. I haven’t connected much with people around here — I’m not a joiner, and our midweek absences preclude many of the activities we might otherwise try. So we have a few regulars we see at the playground or library, but no routine or consistent pals. By the time we are headed out to see Woof and the kids, I really need the socialization, the intimacy, the stimulation, and the Big, Crazy Family time. Until it’s too much and I need peace and quiet again.

Co-parenting with Mitch runs into obstacles, here and there. I make a lot of assumptions based on my prior parenting experience, and my ideas don’t always line up with his. Meanwhile, he wants the chance to learn from the day to day, without my experience becoming the shortcut to solving all the problems or choosing all the paths. We have learned so much about ourselves and each other. And we continue to improve in communication and mutual understanding.

Co-parenting with Woof has old, familiar challenges, which are almost past the most difficult stage (so far) with youngest teen. The older two are fairly independent (though still living at home) at this point. They seem to be thriving, and I am proud as a mom can be of the young adults they’ve become. They seem far more engaged with the world and each other than I recall being, at their ages. They have so much intelligence and care and humor. And they still accept my mothering, even as we grow into the friendship of familiar adults.

Woof questions some of my/Mitch’s parenting choices with little one. On the one hand, that’s totally annoying, because little one is not his kid, and I shouldn’t have to justify my and Mitch’s parenting decisions to him. On the other hand, he only says anything because (a) He cares so much about little one, and (b) He doesn’t want to feel like our (his and my) ways of raising kids have been rejected, either for cause or on a whim. And honestly, Mitch has expressed skepticism in the other direction, though there’s less often an opportunity for him to highlight it. So I end up feeling that differences are inevitable, and occasional expression of them is understandable. I try to stay in a place of empathy about it, and use it as a chance to revisit decisions, process conflicts, and learn along the way.

So there are rough patches, and I’m eternally working on my compassion and communication in all directions, but I wouldn’t want not to have the package deal that includes the bumps.

And that’s the SlowPoly update.
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SlowPoly v hinge living between two homes

Mitch life partner co-parent former LDR
Woof life partner co-parent former spouse

Last edited by SlowPoly; 02-15-2018 at 06:38 AM.
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