Hi, I am new here. I have tried looking online and can't find anything about this particular sort of poly arrangement. I am in love with two people; let's call them Thomas and Brooke. They do not know each other, but know of each other. I have been with Thomas for coming up on six years and Brooke for coming up on four years. Thomas is considered my "primary," as the home we share together is my mailing address and I keep my things at our home, then bring things to Brooke's house when I stay with her. The amount of time I spend with her over the years has varied, as I lived 2.5 hours away for a while while I was in graduate school, then I had a job where I travelled out of town a bit, etc. I have always spent more time at Thomas' than at Brooke's, but over the years, the amount of time with Brooke has increased. Thomas has always indicated that he is very okay with my emotional connection to Brooke and with the amount of time I spend with her. After two years, I told my parents about Brooke - her parents have known about me all along. My relationship with Brooke was not necessarily expected to turn into a long-term thing - we both went into it not knowing how it would work out - but we were incredibly compatible, so we have stayed together. For years, I have been as emotionally connected to her as I am to Thomas.
So, Thomas and I decided to have a child (and possibly - I even venture to say probably - another one in the not-too-distant future), and I am now four months pregnant. Brooke and I have been trying to be honest and open with each other about our emotions, which has not been perfect, but we have been working on it. Brooke and I very much want our relationship to work, and it is hard for me to imagine what it might look like. Thomas is fine with our child having a non-traditional family, but Brooke is not interested in meeting Thomas, so the two households would be entirely separate. Thomas' family does not know about Brooke, and Thomas is willing to tell them, as they will be around a lot (read: we are moving next door to them) and it will be confusing when I end up at Brooke's home with the child for long stretches of time, etc. I want the child(ren, but let's just worry about the one for now) to have consistency, and part of me is concerned about the kid resenting going back and forth. But... the other part of me says that, as a conscientious group of people, we will be able to assess the child's needs and adapt accordingly. I also feel like children are resilient and think whatever they experience is "normal," and having a lot of people around to shower the child with love is a good thing. But... the other part of me says that this is just so weird and inherently chaotic, schedule-wise. Brooke and I really want to be in each other's lives, and Thomas has indicated that he is open to the child spending a lot of time away from him, with Brooke, and at times me being with Brooke and the child being with him. Brooke has indicated that for us to work, it will have to a large time commitment - not every other weekend or some infrequent fling.
I have a million thoughts about the possible scenarios I am imagining, but before dragging this into a much longer saga, I will open it up here. I would love if anyone has experience with this kind of poly arrangement with children involved and would be willing to share their thoughts. The arrangements with children I have seen are more communal, so I would really appreciate any input more directly related to the two, separate household situation with a child involved. I realize it kind of resembles a divorced family, which obviously, a lot of parents manage, but I feel like I am kind of in the dark trying to forge a new path, when I am *sure* there are others out there who have already laid out some bread crumbs...
Thanks so much for any insights you may have!
So, Thomas and I decided to have a child (and possibly - I even venture to say probably - another one in the not-too-distant future), and I am now four months pregnant. Brooke and I have been trying to be honest and open with each other about our emotions, which has not been perfect, but we have been working on it. Brooke and I very much want our relationship to work, and it is hard for me to imagine what it might look like. Thomas is fine with our child having a non-traditional family, but Brooke is not interested in meeting Thomas, so the two households would be entirely separate. Thomas' family does not know about Brooke, and Thomas is willing to tell them, as they will be around a lot (read: we are moving next door to them) and it will be confusing when I end up at Brooke's home with the child for long stretches of time, etc. I want the child(ren, but let's just worry about the one for now) to have consistency, and part of me is concerned about the kid resenting going back and forth. But... the other part of me says that, as a conscientious group of people, we will be able to assess the child's needs and adapt accordingly. I also feel like children are resilient and think whatever they experience is "normal," and having a lot of people around to shower the child with love is a good thing. But... the other part of me says that this is just so weird and inherently chaotic, schedule-wise. Brooke and I really want to be in each other's lives, and Thomas has indicated that he is open to the child spending a lot of time away from him, with Brooke, and at times me being with Brooke and the child being with him. Brooke has indicated that for us to work, it will have to a large time commitment - not every other weekend or some infrequent fling.
I have a million thoughts about the possible scenarios I am imagining, but before dragging this into a much longer saga, I will open it up here. I would love if anyone has experience with this kind of poly arrangement with children involved and would be willing to share their thoughts. The arrangements with children I have seen are more communal, so I would really appreciate any input more directly related to the two, separate household situation with a child involved. I realize it kind of resembles a divorced family, which obviously, a lot of parents manage, but I feel like I am kind of in the dark trying to forge a new path, when I am *sure* there are others out there who have already laid out some bread crumbs...
Thanks so much for any insights you may have!
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