I joined this site a few years ago, made one thread asking for advice. Basically, I was curious about polyamory and how to make it work. As I've explained to other friends, at that time I actively tried to "fit myself into the mold" of polyamory. Since then, I've really just chilled out about it, done what comes naturally to me, and let other people decide whether or not I'm polyamorous from their point of view.
Now I think I actually am on the verge of my first polyamorous relationship. It's with a woman [MR] (30/f), that I (35/m) met about 3 weeks ago. I was extremely attracted to her, and I did my best to show that I liked spending time around her. She is a very direct, open and honest communicator, so she asked first, "What is this?"
I gave the most honest answer I could, "I don't know. I don't know what this is, but I can tell you what I'm looking for." I told her I was looking for a serious, long-term relationship, which to me meant one year or more. She said that she can do that. And that was the start.
She said she's known she was polyamorous since she was 14 years old. She went on to explain what polyamory was, which I already knew since I have polyamorous friends, and also my sister is polyamorous, but I let her say everything she wanted to say because maybe there was something different in there.
All-in-all, we are very honest with each other, and she loves that about me; she says it's rare and refreshing to find someone who can communicate so clearly. I've repeated the same to her.
I believe my words are powerful, and I can accomplish things with declarations, commitments, and promises. I often scare people away with how direct and honest I am. My straightforward requests are often met with concerned phone calls about, "Are you upset with me?" My response is usually, "No, I'm just being direct and clear with what I want."
So, I've never been in a polyamorous relationship before. I also don't know if I'm polyamorous. And I'm scared. I sent her an email last night about how I felt; my feelings of fear, but also that I don't let my fear control my actions. One of the values I've chosen for myself is courage, which to me means "feel your fear, and act anyway." A friend of mine told me something that I feel sums up how I feel about fear: fear lets you know how important something is; the more afraid you are, the more important it is that you take action. I've relayed all this to her in the email.
We've confirmed to each other, that we both really like what's happening between us; it's rare, refreshing, and wonderful. She wants to take things slow because she knows I'm going to stick around (not a one-night stand, not out to "just get in her pants" as she says).
She has two other men that she's seeing, one of whom I'm acquainted with, and another I'd consider a friend. I'm confronted by feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, also fear. I know these are created by me, that I can choose whether or not to make those feelings my reality, or to choose another reality. The fact is that I feel them, and I'm scared.
I suppose the point of this initial post is to announce myself, and put myself on your radar, because in the future I may need a place to express myself, clear my thoughts, and organize my feelings. Any initial suggestions or advice are welcome. Thank you.
Now I think I actually am on the verge of my first polyamorous relationship. It's with a woman [MR] (30/f), that I (35/m) met about 3 weeks ago. I was extremely attracted to her, and I did my best to show that I liked spending time around her. She is a very direct, open and honest communicator, so she asked first, "What is this?"
I gave the most honest answer I could, "I don't know. I don't know what this is, but I can tell you what I'm looking for." I told her I was looking for a serious, long-term relationship, which to me meant one year or more. She said that she can do that. And that was the start.
She said she's known she was polyamorous since she was 14 years old. She went on to explain what polyamory was, which I already knew since I have polyamorous friends, and also my sister is polyamorous, but I let her say everything she wanted to say because maybe there was something different in there.
All-in-all, we are very honest with each other, and she loves that about me; she says it's rare and refreshing to find someone who can communicate so clearly. I've repeated the same to her.
I believe my words are powerful, and I can accomplish things with declarations, commitments, and promises. I often scare people away with how direct and honest I am. My straightforward requests are often met with concerned phone calls about, "Are you upset with me?" My response is usually, "No, I'm just being direct and clear with what I want."
So, I've never been in a polyamorous relationship before. I also don't know if I'm polyamorous. And I'm scared. I sent her an email last night about how I felt; my feelings of fear, but also that I don't let my fear control my actions. One of the values I've chosen for myself is courage, which to me means "feel your fear, and act anyway." A friend of mine told me something that I feel sums up how I feel about fear: fear lets you know how important something is; the more afraid you are, the more important it is that you take action. I've relayed all this to her in the email.
We've confirmed to each other, that we both really like what's happening between us; it's rare, refreshing, and wonderful. She wants to take things slow because she knows I'm going to stick around (not a one-night stand, not out to "just get in her pants" as she says).
She has two other men that she's seeing, one of whom I'm acquainted with, and another I'd consider a friend. I'm confronted by feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, also fear. I know these are created by me, that I can choose whether or not to make those feelings my reality, or to choose another reality. The fact is that I feel them, and I'm scared.
I suppose the point of this initial post is to announce myself, and put myself on your radar, because in the future I may need a place to express myself, clear my thoughts, and organize my feelings. Any initial suggestions or advice are welcome. Thank you.
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