Safe Sex - Standards, Practices, Information & Resources

Unfortunately in this day and age, if you want to protect yourself against warts, that usually means "HPV barriers".

HPV is apparently extremely common. I'm hearing from so many women that they have had cervical cancer from it. Even one of my aunts who has been in a monogamous marriage for 30+ years. Seems hard to avoid coming in contact with it.
 
Is HPV testing the whole pap smear thing? *U@I& I hate those, but I get them at every annual physical regardless. Saskatchewan sends out "reminder" notices every year that it's time to get your pap smear. I wish they'd send out monthly breast exam reminders, because I always forget to do those...

edit... duh! e-mail reminders!
 
This thread is awesome! Thank you. This is one of my biggest concerns with anything. I do know this is why I am not a swinger nor am I big on just random gf or bf. My husband and I have both been tested but I always worry about EVERYONE ELSE.

Though I know we're not ready to jump into another relationship, I will probably make my hubbbie get on here as we talk more.
 
Sex and dating

What constitutes sex for you? Kisses, mutual masturbation, intercourse, anal, oral?

What constitutes fluid bonded? Kissing? mutual masturbation? bareback intercourse? oral?

How important is fluid bonding when it comes to your new partners?

Where, in a relationship do you talk about fluid bonding and how does that affect you in your dating?
 
Fluid Bonding

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluid_bonding

Definition..

  • a process in Polymer science
  • a form of Bareback (sex)
  • an agreement between partners in a polyamorous relationship to practice unprotected sexual intercourse. This is usually undertaken once medical advice and STI tests have been taken. The agreement usually includes an agreement to practice protected sex outside of those within the fluid bonded relationship.
 
Passionate kissing is the highest form of sexuality for me.

If it involves erogenous zones and sexual stimulation..it's sex :)

I don't believe in the concept of mutual masturbation...if you are getting off together...it's sex :)

I define Fluid bonding as the uninhibited exchange of saliva, vaginal secretions and sperm.

Fluid bonding is paramount to sex for me. Sex is an exchange of energy and communication for me. This is reduced with someone I cannot consume and be inside of without barriers.
 
What constitutes sex for you? Kisses, mutual masturbation, intercourse, anal, oral?

Interesting question. I suppose all of the above. I have gone a 48 hour period in the throws of sexual passion without having any intercourse. That was some of the best sex of my life.

What constitutes fluid bonded? Kissing? mutual masturbation? bareback intercourse? oral?

Swapping seminal and vaginal fluids

How important is fluid bonding when it comes to your new partners?

Tough question...for a relationship as in someone I am dating, ideally this will eventually happen especially if I am developing a strong emotional bond. But I do judge this per person. How responsible are they. Testing, willingness to test and how honest they are in general.

Where, in a relationship do you talk about fluid bonding and how does that affect you in your dating?

The second I start talking about sex. I like to lay this on the table and discuss what people are interested in. If it is condoms only, fine...fluid bonding, then there is some serious discussion to follow.

On that note, I have not fluid bonded with many people, and I am a gy who hates condoms. I find them annoying at the best of times and painful at the worst.
 
Passionate kissing is the highest form of sexuality for me.

If it involves erogenous zones and sexual stimulation..it's sex :)

I don't believe in the concept of mutual masturbation...if you are getting off together...it's sex :)

I define Fluid bonding as the uninhibited exchange of saliva, vaginal secretions and sperm.

Fluid bonding is paramount to sex for me. Sex is an exchange of energy and communication for me. This is reduced with someone I cannot consume and be inside of without barriers.


Wow. Thank you for this. Passionate Kissing is the #1 foreplay/sex act I love. Don't get me wrong, it's all good stuff, but that act in and of itself drives me crazy. Since my wife started her Poly journey and after this week our sex life has gone into overdrive.

Great thread for a new guy like me to read.

FT
 
What constitutes sex for you? Kisses, mutual masturbation, intercourse, anal, oral?

Hugs and kisses count as intimacy for me, as does lying next to one another, sitting on one's lap, or basically any form of contact. The more you touch, the more you can feel connected, in my experience.

For me, sex is when the contact, rather than relaxing and soothing you, has the opposite effect of excitement, accelerated heartbeat and so on. So, kissing can qualify as either I would say. Mutual masturbation, or self-masturbation while communicating (be it by phone, over the Internet, in person, etc) count as sex, as do intercourse, anal sex and oral sex. For me, these are always in the "my heartbeat gets faster and I'm sexually aroused" category, while kisses can be or not.

For that reason, I would probably count kisses and caresses as foreplay, because they might lead to sex or not, they might be sexual or not. All of the rest I would consider to be the "main dish".

What constitutes fluid bonded? Kissing? mutual masturbation? bareback intercourse? oral?

Fluid bonded is when there is an exchange of fluids with no barriers. It doesn't need to be a reciprocal exchange, for instance with masturbating a partner, you get their fluids on your hand while not "exchanging" anything yourself. Fluids would include saliva, vaginal secretion, pre-come and ejaculate. I guess pre-come might count as ejaculate too?
I think I would count lubricant too. In some acts that can be the only fluid (manual-anal for instance) yet if both partners are in contact with the same lubricant, that still feels more intimate than using a barrier. In that case the lubricant isn't part of either partner, but it serves to link them regardless, and in a way becomes part of both of them... if I'm making sense.

How important is fluid bonding when it comes to your new partners?

Fluid bonding is important to me, but less important than the health of my partners (the current ones or the new ones). I would want to switch to fluid bonded as early as possible if it is safe and possible (if I had a partner that I don't get to see very often, I probably wouldn't feel comfortable having unprotected sex with them).

Where, in a relationship do you talk about fluid bonding and how does that affect you in your dating?

Well, I haven't had a lot of serious relationships, and they both started long distance, so there was a lot of time to talk about that. I assume I would talk before having sex the first time, be it only to make sure we're on the same page about having protected sex at first (unless we have 3 months ahead to get tested and don't get new partners in the meantime. In which case I would do that first and be fluid bonded from the first time).

If I couldn't be fully fluid bonded with someone, I think being able to kiss them would make it easier to cope with, because that would create the intimacy that fluid bonding does (as it's a form of fluid bonding, and a pretty safe one too, comparatively).
 
Herpes

I have a question about herpes. My partner has just begun a relationship with a trans woman who has herpes. My partner has a pretty active case of psoriasis with sores on his legs and arms. Psoriasis is not a contagious disease, but I am concerned about the partner with Herpes infecting my partner.
I am trying to get good information about this, but find everything a bit overwhelming. Somethings say people have inactive herpes, but you can still get infected, even if it is not an active case. I am confused. Any thoughts about how they can have safe sex?
 
I have a question about herpes. My partner has just begun a relationship with a trans woman who has herpes. My partner has a pretty active case of psoriasis with sores on his legs and arms. Psoriasis is not a contagious disease, but I am concerned about the partner with Herpes infecting my partner.
I am trying to get good information about this, but find everything a bit overwhelming. Somethings say people have inactive herpes, but you can still get infected, even if it is not an active case. I am confused. Any thoughts about how they can have safe sex?

I have to say that there is no way to have completely safe sex. It is easier for a man to give HSV-2 to a woman than vice versa. I "assume" that might go for a trans woman also, as it's somewhat about the amount of area coming into contact during intercourse.

Has your partner been tested for HSV already? up to 80% of people with HSV-2 don't know they have it. Antivirals help decrease transmission a lot, and a study they are doing now at the U of W (not published/finished yet I believe) shows that a daily isn't useful, but if you take it something like 12 hours before intercourse it will help prevent shedding during sex (in case they don't want to take it daily.) Hopefully that gets published soon.


Some of the better sites for information are
http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm
http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_simplex_1_and_2.htm

This one goes over the amount of risk from different activities
http://www.ahmf.com.au/patients/conditions/genital-herpes/transmission-and-safe-sex

What seems to be a poly-ish thread on a discussion board about it.
http://yabetterknow.tribe.net/thread/210081d8-c47f-40b9-9d01-a6222d8d7bc7

One thing it says in there that I've seen (I think it was more like 1.7% but I can't seem to find the studies)

"I've heard people tell me after the fact that they didn't want to worry me by telling me they had HSV-2 when we were having protected sex because the risk was only 2% per incident when there is no outbreak and a condom is used during penis-vagina sex. I don't know where this 2% number comes from, but I've heard it more than once."
 
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Dental Dams

Quick little tip I've found to work.

  1. open new condom
  2. unroll condom to full length
  3. get scissors/clean sharp object
  4. cut away both ends of condom
  5. unroll "cut" condom
  6. WOOHOO!!! you have a dental dam :)

I'm a bit of a health freak, hope this helps someone :p


P.S. If you use a flavored condom you get a flavored dental dam
 
Just had my 2nd STI test last week. Got results of gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia yesterday. I'm clean. UPS didnt deliver my blood to the lab in time for the HIV test to work, so I had to get repoked yesterday, and now wait 2 more weeks for results.

I had a 4some with my gf, my boytoy and an ex gf of my gf's in Jan '11. Got tested in March and was clean. We used condoms for intercourse then, but I did have a little oral contact with the woman, who is a swinger and a bit sketchy. So, I am glad to know I'm still clean...

Since then, I had sex with several other people, men. (Plus my gf, with whom I am fluid bonded.) She had sex with 3 other people, just unprotected oral and hands with 2 of them, a woman and a transman (one session only) and several sessions with a guy, protected intercourse and unprotected oral.

This year, besides gf, I had sex with 3 men. With the Hottie, only 2 or 3 sessions, unprotected oral and condoms for intercourse. With the Gentleman, 2 sessions of protected intercourse and a lot of oral (he has ED and couldnt manage intercourse much).

With the Ginger, since January, lots of protected intercourse and lots of oral. My goal is to become fluid bonded with him, so I am glad I am testing clean. He is married and uses condoms with his wife of 25 years because, even though she is in her late 50s, she is still cycling. He has no other partners now (nor does his wife) and neither does my gf.

I know miss pixi and I were taking a slight risk having unprotected oral sex with others. But it seems we did OK.

I went to the STI clinic at my health clinic. It felt kind of weird, as a 56 year old woman, telling the young counselor (looked like a late 20s guy) about all the partners I've had this year. I wonder what he thought... Women of my age aren't supposed to be gettin it on with so many people! lol I'm supposed to be knitting and rocking my grandchildren. :p It was kind of surreal.
 
There is a "slight risk" just with kissing someone, or even having skin-to-skin contact, but most folks say that this is acceptable. And that's the key - there's no such thing as "safe" it's all about acceptable risks for the benefits you get...
 
I went to the STI clinic at my health clinic. It felt kind of weird, as a 56 year old woman, telling the young counselor (looked like a late 20s guy) about all the partners I've had this year. I wonder what he thought... Women of my age aren't supposed to be gettin it on with so many people! lol I'm supposed to be knitting and rocking my grandchildren. :p It was kind of surreal.

Hahahahahahaha!!!!! :D

Two of my coworkers, both in their early 20s, were talking about sex yesterday. I made a few comments and one asked me if I was married. I said, "No, I'm separated but I have lovers," and at the word "lovers" he got all bashful, turned red, and said, "Oh alright, alright" as if to say, "Oh, shut up, don't tell me that!" So strange to think that sex is only for the young and limber - what about all of us old and creaky folk?
 
Hahahahahahaha!!!!! :D

Two of my coworkers, both in their early 20s, were talking about sex yesterday. I made a few comments and one asked me if I was married. I said, "No, I'm separated but I have lovers," and at the word "lovers" he got all bashful, turned red, and said, "Oh alright, alright" as if to say, "Oh, shut up, don't tell me that!" So strange to think that sex is only for the young and limber - what about all of us old and creaky folk?

sigh... I hate ageism. It's funny to think that people past 40 still can have strong sex drives though. In the media, we are fed only images of 20 and 30somethings having hot sex. Older people being sexy and fucking away like bunnies seems to be such an alien concept in our culture! I guess people imagine peri/post-menopausal women are all dried up down there, and all men have erectile dysfunction.

Couldn't be further from the truth in the majority of cases, is what I am finding out. Plus, older people have great experience and really some mad skillz in bed (couch, bar, car, woods, garage, floor, basement, kitchen, loft, museum, dungeon, library, porch, lake, back of the shop...). :p

Anyway, off topic! Maybe we need a separate thread about poly people past 40 having tons of hot sex and good good lovin'!
 
sigh... I hate ageism. It's funny to think that people past 40 still can have strong sex drives though. In the media, we are fed only images of 20 and 30somethings having hot sex. ......

Anyway, off topic! Maybe we need a separate thread about poly people past 40 having tons of hot sex and good good lovin'!

HA! That would be a hot thread.

I would say that those of us 40+ have probably never had better sex than what we are having now. :D

The confidence and assurance in oneself that this matured age brings really pays off!!! AND it's wonderful exercise. :D :D :D
 
I haven't hit 40 yet (Maca has) . But, I know my father in law is in his 60s and going strong-as is his wife who is the same age group. They live in New York City and they're swingers. They complain to me frequently about people thinking that "at their age" they'd rather go play golf.
LOL!
Totally ridiculous! They'd like a good romp at least every day!
 
I remember when I worked in a bookstore, and many regulars were older women (middle aged or seniors) who bought erotica books. What always stuck me was that they didn't buy just one book, they'd get 10. We did have a "trade 2 books for one of the same price" thing, so a lot would show up with a basket full off books they had finished, and then get the same amount and pay for half of them, rinse and repeat.
I find it silly to think your sex life just ends when you get older than the average movie star.
 
I am about to start a relationship and am very new to this. Well, this is my first poly relationship. We have had a few dates, and want to be more intimate. He is a nice guy and very patient and helping me learn more about this lifestyle. My boyfriend said that we could move further if we both got tested. Got "the papers".

Only thing is, I don't know where to go or what to get tested for...and what insurance will cover?

Is there a general rule of thumb?

I also wondered - he is married and his wife has a boyfriend. I do not know how intimate they are. Is it fair for me to ask for "papers" from her and him?
and then her boyfriend has a girlfriend but hasn't been with her in a year. Where does this end? :)

Any thoughts?
 
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