I am in a situation where I am a little confused how best to act and wanted to offer it up to the collective wisdom of the forum!
My partner and I have recently embraced full poly (a transition from DADT for many years). I am not sure if I am mono at heart but feel that I owe it to myself to explore the 'fun side' of poly fully before making the decision.
To that end, I have been going to meet-ups and chatting with/meeting people on OKC. So far I have met some nice guys but not had any real interest in or connection with any of them.
A little while ago I started chatting to a couple on the site and we met for a casual coffee about a week ago. I was super nervous but pleasantly surprised because I quite liked them both. They are smart, interesting people and this is very attractive to me, on top of this I also think they are both physically attractive. We are making plans to meet again and I am quite looking forward to it.
So far, it all seems perfect. The only real question in my mind that I would like input on is how do I tactfully ask them about their 'intentions'? They already know mine in that I don't have any. I have no agenda for what I want my new relationships to 'look like' and am very happy to just follow my feelings (with respect for the boundaries of all concerned) and see where they lead. I consider myself heteroflexible because, even though I have never been with a woman, I am finding myself increasingly attracted to women and would like to explore that further. At the moment, my feelings tell me that I would like to date both of them both separately and see if it becomes romantic/sexual/friendship or anything in between, I am open to all possibilities.
The only option that I am not ready for with them is a threesome. I have never experienced that before but I do find it appealing. My partner and I have discussed it at length and have decided that we both want to have our first time together (with another girl). This is not a jealousy thing, after the first time we would both be free to branch out and do it with other people, but rather something we want to share with each other first.
So far, with the couple I've met, they contact me as a pair, using the 'we' pronoun and via one phone number and OKC account (his?). While all the conversations have been friendly and casual and not flirty/sexual, I am concerned that they are only interested in me as a potential unicorn. My low self-esteem makes me worry that this is all I am to them and while there is nothing wrong with their looking for a unicorn I feel the need to tactfully convey to them that this is not on the table with me for the foreseeable future. I would rather risk disappointing them sooner than later.
How do I bring this up naturally? I don't want to lead them on but have no idea how to have the conversation (my social skills are sub-par).
A side note: from what they've told me about their poly experiences, the guy has had a girl previously and all three hung out together (it's unclear if this was just friendly or a threesome). The girl is not really looking for other partners at the moment.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
My partner and I have recently embraced full poly (a transition from DADT for many years). I am not sure if I am mono at heart but feel that I owe it to myself to explore the 'fun side' of poly fully before making the decision.
To that end, I have been going to meet-ups and chatting with/meeting people on OKC. So far I have met some nice guys but not had any real interest in or connection with any of them.
A little while ago I started chatting to a couple on the site and we met for a casual coffee about a week ago. I was super nervous but pleasantly surprised because I quite liked them both. They are smart, interesting people and this is very attractive to me, on top of this I also think they are both physically attractive. We are making plans to meet again and I am quite looking forward to it.
So far, it all seems perfect. The only real question in my mind that I would like input on is how do I tactfully ask them about their 'intentions'? They already know mine in that I don't have any. I have no agenda for what I want my new relationships to 'look like' and am very happy to just follow my feelings (with respect for the boundaries of all concerned) and see where they lead. I consider myself heteroflexible because, even though I have never been with a woman, I am finding myself increasingly attracted to women and would like to explore that further. At the moment, my feelings tell me that I would like to date both of them both separately and see if it becomes romantic/sexual/friendship or anything in between, I am open to all possibilities.
The only option that I am not ready for with them is a threesome. I have never experienced that before but I do find it appealing. My partner and I have discussed it at length and have decided that we both want to have our first time together (with another girl). This is not a jealousy thing, after the first time we would both be free to branch out and do it with other people, but rather something we want to share with each other first.
So far, with the couple I've met, they contact me as a pair, using the 'we' pronoun and via one phone number and OKC account (his?). While all the conversations have been friendly and casual and not flirty/sexual, I am concerned that they are only interested in me as a potential unicorn. My low self-esteem makes me worry that this is all I am to them and while there is nothing wrong with their looking for a unicorn I feel the need to tactfully convey to them that this is not on the table with me for the foreseeable future. I would rather risk disappointing them sooner than later.
How do I bring this up naturally? I don't want to lead them on but have no idea how to have the conversation (my social skills are sub-par).
A side note: from what they've told me about their poly experiences, the guy has had a girl previously and all three hung out together (it's unclear if this was just friendly or a threesome). The girl is not really looking for other partners at the moment.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!