So, the night went really well. 5 hours at a pub, talking and talking. The place was empty when we got there, a band set up, the place filled, people danced and listened to music, had two breaks, more dancing and music and we kept talking. Completely unaware of what was going on. Music ended, band packed up, drunk people all around dispersing, arguing, flirting.
We talked about his work. He is about to lose his job of almost 20 years. He is 35? Going through some mid-life stuff, for sure. He is a man of routine, due to mental health issues and this is huge for him. Since our night there has been significant change and stress. I can see my role will be that of person to vent to and get a boost from. Much emailing is going on.
I told him all the details of what happened last time we met and he gave me feedback about appreciating not knowing what was going on until I could give him some positive stuff to go on. He is not in a place to support me emotionally with our situation, so was glad I waited and found solace with other loves and friends.
We laughed and talked about family, pets, friends, caught up on gossip and stories. We are like an old couple, completely natural, no worry about things like food flying out of our mouths, which happened once when I laughed. I wasn't embarrassed, like I might be with other people, just laughed more.
It seems that he is good with where we are, at the moment. He really isn't able to be in my life in any more capacity than he is already, due to his circumstances. So we are just leaving it and enjoying each other's company when we see each other. As he said, we have years and years. Our "whatever it is that will not be named" is not going away, just becoming more of... whatever.
In the meantime, I am more in love with Mono by the moment. Committing myself to our lives together has brought about a sense of wellbeing and comfort. I feel myself feeling more confident and more belonging than I have before, to my whole family.
We are all good right now. All of us. Everyone is getting their needs met, it seems, unless someone isn't talking about it.
PN's birthday tonight. Wheeeee... all my loves but one under one roof, not to mention a lot of his friends. He chooses amazing people to be in his life, talented, interesting, diverse and all very different from one another. I love when he decides to have a party.
Off to make tons of food and a cake, at some point.