Thanks Ry and Dagferi.
I guess I will try and recap. Ginger got here late last night after dancing. Sally ended the drumming on the early side, and invited people back to her place to skinnydip in her pool, since it was hot. He said the swimming was mostly couples and he wished I'd been with him. I snorted out loud when he told me this. Feeling so vulnerable around those people and the situation, getting naked with them is the last thing I want to do right now.
I'd been asleep for an hour or so when he got here, so he climbed in bed with me. We started talking and it soon devolved into another talk about my unhappiness at his behavior. Long story short, I was trying to tell him how he's been hurting me the past year in general, and specifically the last couple weeks.
He finally got hurt and angry and told me I was telling him he was "a terrible person" (I wasn't), and that all this was "in my head," or because I was "depressed," I was "irrational," and should start "acting like a civilized human being." I had kept my voice low, I had not engaged in character or ad hominem attacks, so this felt like gaslighting. That is when I finally said those words, "I am breaking up with you." We talked a little longer, he started getting emotional and wild and I asked him quietly, 3 times, "Please leave."
So he did. He forgot his pack though, and returned at 6am to get it. I was still in bed, and heard him return. He also dropped off his key.
I had said, "Now you can concentrate on the relationship with C&D," and he had replied that he would be in no mood to continue with them now that I was ending us. But he messaged miss pixi then around 1am to tell her about this. She was at her bf's and didn't see it til she left his place around 9am. She messaged him and they chatted back and forth. He told her his "support system" was at a funeral, and I know C&D had a death in their friend circle last week. So, if he considers them his support system, I guess they will go on as friends/lovers.
I am sad we fell apart like this. There are many things about him I love and will miss, but weighing the pros and cons of it, there was just too much bad and pain and disappointment, to outweigh the good and happiness and the needs and goals I have for a healthy relationship.