FallenAngelina
Well-known member
A non-escalator style connection can be hard for someone who craves reassurance and affirmation. But I see this as opportunity for growth, because I do not want to be a person who is clingy and in need of constant reassurance. For me being in non-escalator style relationships helps me to be more independent, to be able to live in the moment more, to be more autonomous.
This is the cornerstone of non-escalator: emotional self sufficiency (or a strong desire to develop more self sufficiency.) I think that this is where the "older" and "more established" comes in because if you're in the time of life when you're all about nesting, you're gonna want to put your energy into relationships that will be part of your years long vision to make a home and a family, whatever that means to you. If you're on the other side of "making a family" or have basically put that issue to bed, you're free to explore unlabeled relationships that don't come with implied responsibility. You also need a good deal of self possession and ongoing self reflection to sustain an unlabeled lover connection and this usually comes after quite a few years (decades, in my case) of learning the hard way (the best way!) that constant reassurance is actually the opposite of what creates stability. Experience is what gives a person emotional independence, presence and the confidence necessary to allow lovers to be close without assigned roles. The "lovers" model vs. the "relationship escalator" model definitely challenges ones ability to find inner security, but it also provides an opportunity for enormous growth, as Cleo points out. It can be a beautiful thing and in my experience, is so worth working for and waiting for.