Living. Learning. One Day at a Time.

firehaus

New member
I am looking for information, suggestions, and learning about peoples' experiences with their poly choice.

I'm here not by my own choice but that doesn't mean I have been "forced". My wife of 11 years came to a realization a few months ago that she needs something else/different/more in her life. She told me about this only one month ago. She needs more "connections". I am not entirely unfamiliar with this need but I experience it in a different way, for me it is almost entirely sexual, for my wife it is for relationships not unlike hers and mine. We have a deep friendship, respect, love, and desire for each other which is why I'm here.

I've had friends and we have friends now who practice polyamory but I can't say that I have ever talked to them about it. I accept it because it works for them and that's enough for me. This situation with my wife is not entirely a surprise either.

Before my wife and I met she had been in a relationship where her partner lied and slept around a lot. As it turned out possibly passing on some STDs in the process. One day she found out about his lies and it altered her. She was really hurt by this and when I met her she was strictly monogamous. When I met her I was looking for marriage. Our sexual histories are fairly different in that she has had only 4 men in her bed and before our marriage I had many many more than that. She is now 39 and I am 48 and we have a 4 year old son all of us living in a suburban house. I have always encouraged and supported her life choices. Many of these choices take her away from me, but if she is happy then I am happy. She still feels a certain wanderlust to get out and explore the world (which I have always found odd since she hates to fly anywhere). So I am not surprised that one day she realized she may have made life choices based on incomplete experience. Partially this is where we start to run into trouble.

She already has two potential new partners in her life, both men, who she has known for a while. One of these men is married and he and his wife are poly. The other man is not married or poly but otherwise unattached. I know both of them. She tells me she has not yet had sex with either of them and she is not even sure that is where things are going. But for me this means I may have very little time to adjust to this new situation for us. I will also add that I am simply not in the same space. I am not looking to expand my partners. While I am not completely against her needs but at the same time I feel pressure because this thing may move fast (faster than I think she thinks it will).

A concern for me is that she is looking for additional serious relationships while I am not. I am fulfilled in my emotional relationship with her and with my son so while she is out pursuing her thing I may want to pursue something different.

I find my wife very sexually attractive and would happily make love with her every day, but I/we find that often there isn't the opportunity (for a variety of reasons that might take too long to put down in words here). In fact over the past couple of years we have not very often been together intimately (and yes this was related to her new feelings, not understanding them, but other issues as well). I had already been feeling so distracted by this absence of frequent intimacy that I was seriously considering having a sexual affair or affairs to help me feel "normal" so I could function day to day (going without sexual interactions is not normal for me). I'm thinking that she will be busy and unavailable in the other relationships while I'm needing a partner to fill my sexual appetite.

So there you have it so far.
 
What exactly do you mean your not against her needs? Are you ok with her having other intimate partners. Is she ok with you having the same?

Have you done any couples counseling...since the loss of intimacy.

Do the 2 of you go on weekly dates?

Has your wife done any reading here on what to expect?

My gut feeling is if you have 1) intimacy issues to start with... and 2) reluctant spouse the odd of this working out smoothly are really low.

Is she home alone a lot...with large amounts of free time to invest in 1-2 other relationships? Time becomes a big factor.

I suggest she and you read as many stories here as you can to get an idea how things can go.....once started it's really hard to unring the bell.
 
I feel like I just read a story about my life. That was uncanny.
 
It seems fairly common for two partners in a monogamous relationship to want different things, ie. either sexual only or a loving relationship, when opening up to polyamory. I would say that being aware of this from the start is a good thing. We have seen so many stories of couples who say they want the same things and then finding out differently when more people are involved feels like a slap in the face. So, good for you. Breathe.

As to feeling like things will spin out of control too quickly for you, well, here is where negotiations begin. It doesn't have to go like, "Honey, this is what I want, so deal with it," and then suddenly she's in bed with someone else. It would be more loving, respectful, and easier to handle if it goes like, "Honey, this is what I want." "Okay, I'm open to it, but let's talk about how that will work for us." "Okay, what do you need to feel comfortable?" And so on.

If you feel like you can consent to being in a polyamorous marriage, then ask her to sit down with you and hammer out what you each would like to get out of it, what boundaries need to be respected, and how slowly you would like to move. Ask her for her patience in making this huge change. You could also invite her to come here and have an account to get feedback from this community as well as voice her needs, wants, and concerns.
 
A Little More. Thanks.

Thank you dingedheart and I appreciate your comments. Helping me think and feel my way through this.

The "loss of intimacy" more or less occurred over the past 2-yrs. During the last year my wife had some medical issues that really made her lose interest in any sexual activity. The year before that she was when she started feeling something was wrong with her, with us, I felt it too. We would talk sometimes but never quite figure anything out.

As far as couples therapy I tried this in a previous long-term relationship and it accomplished nothing. I recently discovered a book that debunks everything that I remember doing in couples therapy. We are both reading through this book and working on the tasks. The book is called The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work by John Gottman.

I haven't had the conversation with my wife about what she expects. We have definitely been talking (more on that later). I am feeling that maybe I jumped ahead a little making assumptions, but a poly life choice is still in the picture.

Dating is something we really desperately need. We are aware of that. We have trouble accomplishing this because we have no family nearby, our friends are mostly also with kids, and our available pool of sitters is mostly young so they usually can't stay too late and no school nights. A few times during summers my wife's parents will visit overnight and give us a night or two out.j

I won't exactly disagree with the assessment that "...you have intimacy issues..." but I don't think can be put that simply. I have intimacy issues with men. I'm not into broadcast sports, playing sports yes, watching them on TV no. I either end up with geeks who I don't quite fit in with or with artists. Call me an "Arts and Science" kind of guy. I find that I can make friends with women more often than I can with men. The two men my wife has in her circle of friends are definitely her closest friends, closer than the women she is friends with.

My wife does work from home, so this gives her some extra time that I do not have but there is not really a big difference in the amount of non-work, non-childcare time we have. It is mostly how it is distributed. She gets little breaks here and there to communicate, have a lunch with someone, etc. I work a day job and manage a small team so I'm busy all day.

I haven't invited my wife to learn more about poly, I suspect she hears quite a bit from her friend who she already loves as a friend and is already living the life.

I left something out in my original post, and it is important, but it didn't seem to fit in. Since my wife spilled her soul to me about a month ago, and we began talking about this, we have actually been having really warm loving sexual encounters with each other. So even though I feel that there is a certain elephant in the room there is also a lot of optimism. My wife and do deeply love and care for each other so I feel that no matter where we go we will remain friends.

What exactly do you mean your not against her needs? Are you ok with her having other intimate partners. Is she ok with you having the same?

Have you done any couples counseling...since the loss of intimacy.

Do the 2 of you go on weekly dates?

Has your wife done any reading here on what to expect?

My gut feeling is if you have 1) intimacy issues to start with... and 2) reluctant spouse the odd of this working out smoothly are really low.

Is she home alone a lot...with large amounts of free time to invest in 1-2 other relationships? Time becomes a big factor.

I suggest she and you read as many stories here as you can to get an idea how things can go.....once started it's really hard to unring the bell.
 
Dating is something we really desperately need. We are aware of that. We have trouble accomplishing this because we have no family nearby, our friends are mostly also with kids, and our available pool of sitters is mostly young so they usually can't stay too late and no school nights. A few times during summers my wife's parents will visit overnight and give us a night or two out.

If your friends are mostly with kids, couldn't you trade nights? One night you take theirs and have a giant slumber party for all the kids; and next week they take yours? That way you don't have to pay a sitter, and everybody gets a date night, and even the kids get to have fun.

My wife and do deeply love and care for each other so I feel that no matter where we go we will remain friends.

That is really sweet. I'm glad to hear your optimism. :D
 
Clarification:
What I meant by intimacy issue was the loss of intimacy over the past 2 yrs between the two of you.


It sounded like this idea (poly) was born out of replacing thing lost (sexual intimacy in your case ) and or a mini mid life crisis ( wanderlust and expanding her sexual and relationship experiences ).


If you don't date each other now ....how would you and she date others? Use each other as built in babysitters? That distance you had will likely grow with that plan.

Is your wife OK with you having other sexual partners? Is this her answer for your sexual needs being met? Has this been discussed in these terms ?

The spill over effect is quite common ...a happy and free wife makes for more action at home as well .....in some cases...not a given. And if you don't care who or how she got that motor running then this could be a good thing for you. :) Also her knowing that you're being sexual with other women might change the way she views you ...wake something up. The ladies here can comment on that. Does the thought of your man having sex with another woman arouse any desire or emotions ...see's him with a sexy eye, lusty, competitive, love, etc.? that would help in the spill over effect. I know some guys get turned on by the thought of their wives being with other men.
 
If your friends are mostly with kids, couldn't you trade nights? One night you take theirs and have a giant slumber party for all the kids; and next week they take yours? That way you don't have to pay a sitter, and everybody gets a date night, and even the kids get to have fun.

This has been attempted and it doesn't work out. Because we seem to be unique in that we are the only ones without nearby family there is no incentive for the other couples to participate in this arrangement. We ask about it, they say "sure" but there never seems to be a time. In other words they are already getting their dates in but we don't. Somehow we will figure this out we've talked about and realize how important it is for us (happy parents will be better for our son too).
 
After all my wife's feelings and desires came into the open a couple of weeks or so ago and I accepted her feelings (her need to have the option to love others while keeping our relationship) our sexual desire and frequency has been wearing us out. Ultimately I want us both to be happy. I think of it as us both being on a train, we are going to the same happy destination, but we may be doing different things both together and apart while on the journey.

My wife's desire is to be able to love as needed. Yes, she has two men who she loves but that doesn't mean they are in the same place. One is in a poly relationship that takes a route my wife says she is not interested in. The other, even if he loves my wife, may not be able to love her the way she wants while I am still her primary. So for my wife this may not be expressed immediately it may happen for her at some later time (or tomorrow who knows).

I confess that my initial post was probably the result of a panic, filled with anxiety I needed help. Expressing my panic and concerns did help a little but the responses from those deeper into this helped even more. My wife and I keep talking about our concerns and feelings so things in some ways have never been better. I expect I will have issues going forward but they seem more manageable now.

But yes, a certain amount of my panic was the result of: We hardly date or sleep together now and if you're going to be sleeping someplace else then we'll never share our souls and bodies again.
 
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The other, even if he loves my wife, may not be able to love her the way she wants while I am still her primary. So for my wife this may not be expressed immediately it may happen for her at some later time (or tomorrow who knows).

How would she want to be loved by this other partner? Whats her vision for all this?


Whats her response to your last paragraph? How does building 2 separate outside romantic relationships help improve dates and intimacy in the so called "primary". Who's using the word primary you or her? Could that mean different things to each of you? Has that ever been discussed?
 
How would she want to be loved by this other partner? Whats her vision for all this?

I can't answer that on her behalf. She would have to respond (she said she is hesitant to join any forum re: polyamory). We have been talking, asking difficult questions, and sometimes getting back difficult answers. I feel closer to her now possibly than ever before. She had been closing up to me and now she is so open. Our discussions our very fulfilling in a way they haven't been in a while. Instead of talking about house payments or who is going to pull weeds we are talking about love, what it means to us, and more.

Whats her response to your last paragraph? How does building 2 separate outside romantic relationships help improve dates and intimacy in the so called "primary". Who's using the word primary you or her? Could that mean different things to each of you? Has that ever been discussed?

Well, your question has been my question. "How does building 2 separate outside romantic relationships help improve dates and intimacy in the so called 'primary'. " I don't see how it does help intimacy between my wife and I, but it is a little bit like it can't be worse than it was before (meaning over the past 2-yrs). I'm the one who used the word "primary", and I can't remember right now but she used a similar word to describe our relationship/marriage. In any case I believe that she and I are talking about the same thing.

Again I appreciate the questions. Really helps make sure I am thinking this through and asking the right questions.
 
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It's not important that her vision be known here ....but to you...you need to know.

So you were speculating on how she wanted to be loved by the other guy? (the part I quoted in my last posting)


Is she willing to read this thread and other stories here on the forum?

It's great the questions was asked ....What was the answer? Did you get one?
 
There are a few red flags I saw in these statements of yours:

...we have not very often been together intimately (and yes this was related to her new feelings, not understanding them, but other issues as well). I had already been feeling so distracted by this absence of frequent intimacy that I was seriously considering having a sexual affair or affairs to help me feel "normal" so I could function day to day...

...she started feeling something was wrong with her, with us, I felt it too. We would talk sometimes but never quite figure anything out....

Dating is something we really desperately need. We are aware of that...

We hardly date or sleep together now and if you're going to be sleeping someplace else then we'll never share our souls and bodies again.

...I don't see how it does help intimacy between my wife and I, but it is a little bit like it can't be worse than it was before (meaning over the past 2-yrs).
You think it can't be worse now - but you're wrong. It can become much worse.

Polyamory is not a cure for what is ailing in a marriage. You will see this written many, many times in these forums and on other poly sites. Just be careful if either of you has the idea that poly will make everything all better.

Managing multiple love relationships cannot work well for a couple without a good, strong, healthy foundation for the relationship they already have with each other. Sure, talking about opening it up can bring you closer as far as communication and understanding the love you share for each other, and so on. Finally, you're talking about things other than bill-paying and you're having great sex again! Woo-hoo! Then the euphoria passes and you have to deal with the real-life nitty-gritty of being involved with more people who have their own wants, needs, and baggage. It won't be theoretical anymore. And either one of you having another partner means that every crack and imbalance in your marriage's foundation will be intensified and magnified. So, keep reminding yourselves of that and working to strengthen what you have together before moving forward. Poly ain't a Band-aid. Good luck.
 
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Hi. I'm firehaus' wife. You all are very nice for responding to him as he has started posting here with his thoughts and feelings.

I know I don't have to clarify for all of you, as you have said, but I do think it would help you give him more accurate responses.


He's right, I have had very few relationships, and I've slept with only 3 people, including him.

After my relationship that ended in 1997 where I was deeply hurt, I did indeed shut down many aspects of myself out of a feeling of self-preservation and protection. I also placed a lot of limits on him, when we started having a long term relationship, for the same reason. I know that that is not good. I tried to build my own safety net and safe place, and he, to his credit, put up with it. I feel badly for doing that. When all of this came to a head a month ago, the first thing I did was apologize for that, and remove all the blocks I had placed around ourselves. They were mostly around me, but a few were around him, and now are gone, something I feel terrific about.I am excited to see where he goes, how he grows and what he creates now, with the freedom I shouldn't have limited.

What I feel happened, is that I built my own prison, locking myself away from others. This started even before I was married. Over time, I started suffering from my own rules and "safety" jail I built for myself. By 2006, it was a problem. I had met one of the "two men" he has mentioned, and felt ripped apart inside by not being allowed to connect with him as deeply as I wanted.

This got worse and worse over time, and I became more and more inhibited and detached within my marriage. I had no anger or resentment towards Firehaus, I didn't even get what was going on, exactly. I just... felt incomplete, and that I was missing out on meaningful connections with people because that's what was expected of me, by society, by the fact I was married, and because to do anything else would be "wrong."

Combine that with the physical issues (cervical dysplasia) that appeared after I was pregnant, and just wasn't in the mood at all. I felt terrible about it, but I was just in a dark, lonely place, one I had mostly built for myself. I still felt very connected to Firehaus, we have always had, I feel, strong communication and connection, but it was failing with the different spheres we were moving in, almost like roommates in the same house, with a huge love for our son, but.... drifting.

When I finally figured it out, it was like a round peg going in a round hole. In the past 3 years I have met someone else that has become a close friend. And the same thing happened that happened with my first friend. I eventually ran against my own walls of what I felt was proper, expected of me, and the right thing to do to NOT be like my past boyfriend who brought me so much pain, fear and physical harm. I felt more and more polarized. I had been going out alone with friends for years at night, and didn't feel like coming home, because home was the prison I built for myself. I never did anything that would be cheating, I honored my husband and marriage, but I was being ripped part inside in sadness at not being able to connect with others, emotionally, physically. Feeling like I couldn't share with the few that have made their way into my life how much they mean to me, and that seemed like a very sad thing that I would really regret when I'm old in a rocking chair, looking backwards.

What do I want? The freedom to connect. Yes, right now, there is someone that I care very much for as a friend, and if it can go deeper, I would like that. Of the two friends Firehaus has mentioned, one I don't seek anything further with right now. He isn't living nearby, and the relationship has shifted during the past 8 years since we live on other sides of the planet. I am happy with where that friendship rests.

I really feel that love is infinite. Love begets more love. I am thankful and so amazed by Firehaus' willingness to let me be who I am, who I shut away before he even met me. I feel badly that I had been so hurt that I cut myself off from who I really am, when he met me. I feel he is very brave and loving to let me step out of the person he thought he married. I want this to work for both of us. One of you is correct, I feel. As I become happier, we will become happier. I really feel that. I want to be on this ride with him, not without him.

This is not wanderlust, or midlife crisis. It's something I have always been, but shut down after a horrible ending to a relationship where I let everything hang out, bare and unshielded. I knew something was wrong, honestly, before I even said "I do," but I did what I thought I was supposed to do, what society thought I should, what would keep me safe from ever being hurt again. Stupid. I hurt myself far more than that old boyfriend did, I let him change me, and I let his choices affect mine in ways that have been detrimental to me, and our family. The feeling of telling Firehaus was one of instant relief. I felt less tension than I had had in years. I know this isn't a band aid. It felt like coming home to who I used to be, and who I buried for the sake of those around me. Foolish.

We are working hard, communicating, checking in. I am trying very hard to make sure he understands that I want to be with him, I want our family together, I want to be intimate with him, and connect the way we used to, and in ways we never have before. We have lots to do between ourselves, but we are working on it. It's not easy sometimes but I love the conversations for how much closer they bring us together. I know that if we had continued as we were, before I finally put the pieces together from the damage I had done, we'd not have made it. Firehaus recognized that there was no going back, because back wasn't right, either. Only forwards could we work together and bring our connection to a better place. I think we are doing that.

It's my job to make sure he understands how much I love him, and want him, and have no desire to leave him, or the family we have created. I hope I can help him understand that my feelings for others do not lessen or dilute how I feel about him. It's just more love in the world, in my world. I want more love with him, and with the few others I feel may cross my path in the coming years. I know, never say never, but I really feel no need to go beyond one more person, and I am not casual with my deep connections. My track record is limited, and I expect it to stay that way, in general.

Love. It's one of the greatest things I think we have as humans. What I simply asked for is the ability to love as it finds me in my one life on this planet, which is what I told him initially I had lost, the freedom to do that. Had my friend not been here, the feeling would have been the same, the need would be the same. It isn't about this particular person, in the big picture. As I told him 2 nights ago, knowing I have that freedom, that ability, is what is important. I really, honestly feel that giving it out makes it return in even greater abundance...for me, for my friend, and for my amazing husband, who I am more in awe of every day as we process this and try to make it work. I hope he finds his life enriched as well, maybe not the same way mine is, but with the freedoms he now has that were missing, the way things were for over a decade. I'm happy for HIM, too.

I have asked my friend to get tested for STIs. If he can't play by the rules, then it's moot, for this particular individual, who will then remain a very dear friend. My vision is that I am free to love him, as a friend, or more, if that is how it unfolds, while loving Firehaus all the more for who he is, and for having the courage and love to let me be who I am.

This is the best I can do without writing a novel. I probably sound like a total newb, which, in many ways, I am. Heck, it is novel anyway. I hope it helps.
 
Hey Finney,

That was a lovely, impassioned intro. To me, you don't sound like a newb at all. :D
 
Finney,

First I want to applaud you for the courage to finally get this in the open. I also admire the fact you decided to come here and express you side of things. I also think you are a very good writer and did a very good job. Well done.

You said the first thing you did when this came to head was remove all the blocks. What were the blocks? Your excited to see him grow ...where he goes? what does that mean?


It sounds like you had some very traumatic prior relationship ...never really healed from it ...found a caring guy....perhaps mistook that for love, or playing it safe ...married knowing something was wrong....went through the motions for years ...thought a child would help ...had a child ...eventually found love and connection outside which pushed the divide even deeper with your husband. Developing a roommate type relationship which is centered around your son. The dam finally broke and years of stuff come tumbling out. So now you know who you are... the old you is back ...and also you know what you want or need...this other guy.

I think it great that you found your old self. I think its really sad that the guy the gut it out, honor his commitment to you and his family for 12 yrs wont be the primary recipient... He get to be introduced to the new .."old " you and love the new old you along with the new guy... pending the STI test comes back OK.

To me this sounds really similar to what happened to me. My wife didn't want to destroy the family...really didn't want to be the bad person ...liked her life ...house,clothes, her Bmw or our cars, vacation home...had loyalty or guilt for the years I put up with her ....so how about a negotiated settlement.... ala open marriage. Well I thought at the time my family life was more important than who my wife was having sex with ...and because of the devastating blow or realization of her feelings it didn't really matter that much after that so I agreed. It took a several days or a week to mourn the loss of my marriage. The biggest problem for me was feeling played or lied to.
So I settled ...for an unknown percentage.... of time, focus, and not just me but the entire family. Everyone took a hit. Even the dogs. When asked how it would work ..."I don't know I've never done this we'll have to play it by ear". Her ear sucks.

The love you say you feel ...are sure that's not just gratitude for 12 years of service ...longevity or gratitude that the family hasn't been destroyed ...or gratitude for listening and excepting you and trying move forward with you for your sons sake.?


So the investment of large amounts time and energy to build outside romantic relationships helps the primary ...(if we can really use that word) by being happier. Happiness is the answer? Happiness ...just her happiness The hope is it spills over some. Really hard to bank on ...NRE does funny things to people...read up.

So now ...you'll start dating ...start having sex more frequently maybe ...out of desire???? or out of gratitude and or obligation to the new cause?


The red flags Cindie cited concern me from moment one.. hence all the questions. I think if you want your marriage (some primary type union ) to stay together you need couples counseling to deal with all that old stuff and introduce or help understand the new old Finney ...perhaps continue living like roommates and causally date each other ..invest the time and energy in the old guy first ....start over sorta. See how that goes before adding the new guy. Just a thought

Good luck D
 
We are working hard, communicating, checking in. I am trying very hard to make sure he understands that I want to be with him, I want our family together, I want to be intimate with him, and connect the way we used to, and in ways we never have before. We have lots to do between ourselves, but we are working on it.
It sounds like you have a good start in being honest with yourself. Just keep your eyes open and remember that, if you do date this man you're interested in or other people, you should be dating your husband, too. Don't let the relationship with Firehaus just be all about the household, bills, and child-raising, while other men are all about escaping to fun sexy times. You'd be surprised how many people come here and talk about the problems they have because they never quite figured that part out.

Yes, that means scheduling regular date nights with Firehaus, and getting a babysitter!

If you don't have time for hot dates with your hubby now, how will you have time for hot dates with him and someone else later? Like Dingedheart posted earlier, if you use each other for babysitters, resentment and distance will only grow. If you want romance with others, remember to stoke the fires of romance at home.
 
It sounds like you have a good start in being honest with yourself. Just keep your eyes open and remember that, if you do date this man you're interested in or other people, you should be dating your husband, too. Don't let the relationship with Firehaus just be all about the household, bills, and child-raising, while other men are all about escaping to fun sexy times. You'd be surprised how many people come here and talk about the problems they have because they never quite figured that part out.

Yes, that means scheduling regular date nights with Firehaus, and getting a babysitter!

If you don't have time for hot dates with your hubby now, how will you have time for hot dates with him and someone else later? Like Dingedheart posted earlier, if you use each other for babysitters, resentment and distance will only grow. If you want romance with others, remember to stoke the fires of romance at home.

This is the main issue I think we have to work on, and are working on. That IS what our relationship had turned into, and I am actively wanting that to change, even if there was no poly that would be the same situation and case!

We DO have time for each other, but we weren't working to isolate it and use it. We just weren't really making it a priority, due to other work, finances, etc., and my physical issues last year and unease the year before certainly not helping out. We do have a nearby sitter so we can go out together, and make fun dates at home, too, once our child is in bed. Making it a regular, calendared thing is a great idea.

As to time for both, there are special circumstances with this individual in that he is gone. A LOT. At least half the year, in total, scattered over weeks and months away, with shorter stretches of time at home. Large stretches of time will be just me and Firehaus like always. I'll miss him while he's gone, but that is nothing new, and his schedule away is not a mystery, we will know when he is going to be home. And it allows me plenty of time to focus on my family, and tons of time to focus on Firehaus and our relationship.

I'm going to duck away, again, I think. =) But I may check in, esp. if Firehaus wants me to.
 
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Finney,
Hope you're not ducking away because of something I wrote.

I think Finney isn't looking for the same advice/suggestions/opinions that I am looking for. She already has a close friend of 9-10 years who she has been hearing about poly from nearly that entire time. And as I've mentioned we've both had friends who were poly. She probably asked them more questions than I did so had more outside info on which to base her new life-choice.

What were the blocks she removed?

Finney was extremely anti-porn. My background is that of an artist so eroticism, nudity, sensuality, whatever you want to call it was normal for me. Don't misunderstand how she is though. She is not easily embarrassed nor shy about nudity. She has a liberal family background and experienced a very liberal college environment. Truly a free spirit in many ways open to experiences and the different life-choices of others.

She removed the blocks so I could pursue dormant interests. I would like to reinvigorate a neglected photography career/hobby which at some point would definitely involve photographing naked bodies. That's what I was doing the last time this career/hobby was interuppted.

We have had so much communication between us over the past weeks that I am feeling very comfortable with what may come. My eyes are wide open. I may have some painful or simply un-comfortable feelings about things as they develop, but I feel that I can deal with these as they come because at the core I know how I feel about Finney, my family, and life in general.

I'm actually still "on the fence" about outside love relationships for myself. I am not ruling them out but I'm not sure if I will pursue them or not. That may be a decision I make later on - or not.
 
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