I'm feeling pretty low right now.
I just came out of my first ever poly relationship about 2 weeks ago and I'm a bit of a mess. We were together for nearly a year and it was kind of a rollercoaster of emotions but I've learnt a lot from it.
When we got together we were both new to being polyamorous and both in long distance relationships with others. We both got a hit of NRE pretty strongly. I think we were also (or at least I was certainly) going through what I would class as New Identity Energy; I was identifying in a way which suddenly made sense to me and I felt fantastic about it!!
Unfortunately my LDR broke off a couple of months later due to the practicalities. Her work trip to London was cancelled (she was supposed to be coming for 2 months), I'd also changed companies so was no longer going to be flying out to Boston every 6 months... we stayed great friends and promised to add on the "with benefits" if ever in the same continent.
My new girlfriend though was just quite insecure about a lot of things. I was feeling this huge wave of energy from identifying this way and had such love in my heart. I thought this was a beautiful thing, but when I developed feelings for someone else about 2 months into our relationship she sought to control this through rules and manipulation. Attempting to manage your partners feelings as a means to suppressing your own issues is a dangerous way to go.
I thought with enough talking, enough listening, enough understanding and enough reassurances then it could work. But letting go of her insecurity was not something she was able to do. Either way it caused issues and a lack of ability to communicate properly which ran throughout our relationship.
Right now we have to work on ourselves, after the arguments that were caused by this our mental health has taken a battering. I still love her and would happily take her back if one day she could take ownership of her own insecurity rather than saying "you're making me feel this way___________". She's dated others and I haven't felt insecure about it. I read a great post on here once by GalaGirl which was all about how jealousy stems from fear - once you identify that and realise you have no fear of losing the other person then you can suddenly start to be happy for them that they have this new exciting person in their life. I still VERY much believe in the principles of polyamory, but I am feeling very raw right now.
I just came out of my first ever poly relationship about 2 weeks ago and I'm a bit of a mess. We were together for nearly a year and it was kind of a rollercoaster of emotions but I've learnt a lot from it.
When we got together we were both new to being polyamorous and both in long distance relationships with others. We both got a hit of NRE pretty strongly. I think we were also (or at least I was certainly) going through what I would class as New Identity Energy; I was identifying in a way which suddenly made sense to me and I felt fantastic about it!!
Unfortunately my LDR broke off a couple of months later due to the practicalities. Her work trip to London was cancelled (she was supposed to be coming for 2 months), I'd also changed companies so was no longer going to be flying out to Boston every 6 months... we stayed great friends and promised to add on the "with benefits" if ever in the same continent.
My new girlfriend though was just quite insecure about a lot of things. I was feeling this huge wave of energy from identifying this way and had such love in my heart. I thought this was a beautiful thing, but when I developed feelings for someone else about 2 months into our relationship she sought to control this through rules and manipulation. Attempting to manage your partners feelings as a means to suppressing your own issues is a dangerous way to go.
I thought with enough talking, enough listening, enough understanding and enough reassurances then it could work. But letting go of her insecurity was not something she was able to do. Either way it caused issues and a lack of ability to communicate properly which ran throughout our relationship.
Right now we have to work on ourselves, after the arguments that were caused by this our mental health has taken a battering. I still love her and would happily take her back if one day she could take ownership of her own insecurity rather than saying "you're making me feel this way___________". She's dated others and I haven't felt insecure about it. I read a great post on here once by GalaGirl which was all about how jealousy stems from fear - once you identify that and realise you have no fear of losing the other person then you can suddenly start to be happy for them that they have this new exciting person in their life. I still VERY much believe in the principles of polyamory, but I am feeling very raw right now.