UnitedForNow
New member
Hello
I am so excited to have found this place.
I am a 54 year old bi-female (primary) in a 8 year relationship with a 54 year old straight male and we are now both in a relationship with a 43 year old bi-female (she would be secondary). From what I've been reading here, we are polywogs
We are all new to this lifestyle and very interested in making good choices and avoiding mistakes. Which is why I am here, to learn...
It was my idea to open our relationship to include another female, and so far we are in the new relationship energy phase, all of us enjoying discovering each other. I really like her a lot and I enjoy our time when all three of us are together. I had no issues what so ever sharing intimacy with all of us together. It was one of the most special moments of my life and something I want more of.
Yet as much as I want this, my life patterns were monogamous and some of my thinking still leans that way. I recently had my very first episode where some fears creeped in, so I reached out to my primary partner asking for some reassurance because I was feeling a little insecure. His response wasn't what I was looking for, since he didn't understand how I could be feeling insecure when it was my idea in the first place to bring her in and I ardently pursued her, thus in his mind I had no justifiable reason to feel insecure. I then made a small comment to our secondary partner that I was feeling insecure without going into details (especially after how my primary partner had reacted) and she opened up and wanted to know more. I regretted saying anything to her and didn't feel comfortable enough to reveal my fears, since we are still very new and I didn't want to scare her away with my fears - so I sort of diminished my expression of them to her. I wasn't fully and completely honest.
She was smart enough to pick up on my small clues and let me know that she would back out if she ever believed that her presence was causing my primary and I problems. That's the thing though, I don't want her to go away...
I've read that complete honesty is necessary if a poly relationship is going to work - yet does that mean that I should be open and honest about my fears and insecurities to both of them? One or the other?
Or, is it my job to work through my fears and insecurities on my own, without burdening my partners with them?
Your wisdom would be much appreciated.
I am so excited to have found this place.
I am a 54 year old bi-female (primary) in a 8 year relationship with a 54 year old straight male and we are now both in a relationship with a 43 year old bi-female (she would be secondary). From what I've been reading here, we are polywogs
We are all new to this lifestyle and very interested in making good choices and avoiding mistakes. Which is why I am here, to learn...
It was my idea to open our relationship to include another female, and so far we are in the new relationship energy phase, all of us enjoying discovering each other. I really like her a lot and I enjoy our time when all three of us are together. I had no issues what so ever sharing intimacy with all of us together. It was one of the most special moments of my life and something I want more of.
Yet as much as I want this, my life patterns were monogamous and some of my thinking still leans that way. I recently had my very first episode where some fears creeped in, so I reached out to my primary partner asking for some reassurance because I was feeling a little insecure. His response wasn't what I was looking for, since he didn't understand how I could be feeling insecure when it was my idea in the first place to bring her in and I ardently pursued her, thus in his mind I had no justifiable reason to feel insecure. I then made a small comment to our secondary partner that I was feeling insecure without going into details (especially after how my primary partner had reacted) and she opened up and wanted to know more. I regretted saying anything to her and didn't feel comfortable enough to reveal my fears, since we are still very new and I didn't want to scare her away with my fears - so I sort of diminished my expression of them to her. I wasn't fully and completely honest.
She was smart enough to pick up on my small clues and let me know that she would back out if she ever believed that her presence was causing my primary and I problems. That's the thing though, I don't want her to go away...
I've read that complete honesty is necessary if a poly relationship is going to work - yet does that mean that I should be open and honest about my fears and insecurities to both of them? One or the other?
Or, is it my job to work through my fears and insecurities on my own, without burdening my partners with them?
Your wisdom would be much appreciated.