SplinteringVelvet
New member
My husband and I have been together for 11 years come Dec.
Sept 26th I learned he had an online girl friend he met in a vid game he plays.
I think on some level I had suspected it but my policy on cheating had always been "I don't want to know" but when the cat is out of the bag... there is no going back then you just have to deal with knowing.
I knew jealousy was going to be the biggest thing I needed to watch for instantly so I only asked the questions I could stand to know the answers to and as I became more comfortable I asked more. Now I know her name and what she looks like and how far they have gone but also the relationship opened up enough for me to also have an "online relationship".
I have to say the first person I got involved with was quite impulsive and really ended badly. But now I have someone who has been in an open relationship before and I am quite happy. But it seems that the happier I am with said "other guy" the more jealous my husband becomes... he is seriously struggling here and this is where my foresight on the matter is lacking.
This is all new to us and I need to know from people who have lived it, if reestablishing and maintaining a strong marriage is going to work:
I guess in the road ahead we have some issues we will need to work through. When we opened things up I expected things to stay as they had been for the past two years with him spending 90% of his free time in the vid game... the thing that I am finding irritating is, now that I have someone he wants me to spend all my free time with him (my husband)...
Also... in the days immediately following the news I really fell apart inside. I tried to hide the pain from him as best I could but I eventually decided he could no longer be the center of my universe. To that point my whole world revolved around him, I literally thought he was perfect. So it was quite the blow. And now I am trying to rebuild not only my marriage but also myself as a stronger person. Learning how to be my own rock.
It has been a little over a month now and I am not sure where all this is headed yet. But that is why I am here. More than ever I need some informed opinions and I just can't expect the pool of people I already know to be able to give me the answers I am looking for.
Thank you so much for taking the time to help me make sense of this.
Sept 26th I learned he had an online girl friend he met in a vid game he plays.
I think on some level I had suspected it but my policy on cheating had always been "I don't want to know" but when the cat is out of the bag... there is no going back then you just have to deal with knowing.
I knew jealousy was going to be the biggest thing I needed to watch for instantly so I only asked the questions I could stand to know the answers to and as I became more comfortable I asked more. Now I know her name and what she looks like and how far they have gone but also the relationship opened up enough for me to also have an "online relationship".
I have to say the first person I got involved with was quite impulsive and really ended badly. But now I have someone who has been in an open relationship before and I am quite happy. But it seems that the happier I am with said "other guy" the more jealous my husband becomes... he is seriously struggling here and this is where my foresight on the matter is lacking.
This is all new to us and I need to know from people who have lived it, if reestablishing and maintaining a strong marriage is going to work:
- What should I expect?
- What should I watch for?
- What are the hurdles in the road ahead?
- What methods work best to dealing with jealousy? (I did what I knew was going to work for me but he isn't helping himself in that regard)
- And how do you establish balance between the two relationships?
I guess in the road ahead we have some issues we will need to work through. When we opened things up I expected things to stay as they had been for the past two years with him spending 90% of his free time in the vid game... the thing that I am finding irritating is, now that I have someone he wants me to spend all my free time with him (my husband)...
Also... in the days immediately following the news I really fell apart inside. I tried to hide the pain from him as best I could but I eventually decided he could no longer be the center of my universe. To that point my whole world revolved around him, I literally thought he was perfect. So it was quite the blow. And now I am trying to rebuild not only my marriage but also myself as a stronger person. Learning how to be my own rock.
It has been a little over a month now and I am not sure where all this is headed yet. But that is why I am here. More than ever I need some informed opinions and I just can't expect the pool of people I already know to be able to give me the answers I am looking for.
Thank you so much for taking the time to help me make sense of this.