BDsm

That's ok, as long as we can stay on-topic.~

Question, I have seen some full-bodysuits of latex being used during a porno and I thought it was very hot or sexy:

how safe is actually doing that for most people and do you need training for that sort of thing?~

Go ahead and join Fetlife. It's a place where you can read threads galore on just about any kink you can imagine (I think scat and pedos aren't welcome, though I have heard scat mentioned..). It's kind of like Facebook for kinky people.
 
Scat is now against the TOU of Fet (used to not be so there are older mentions in places). Basically scat, bestiality, incest, and anything underage is not allowed on Fet.

It is a good learning place if you are curious about things.

A question I thought of. Does anyone here, either from personal or knowing someone who has, know much about people using aspects of BDSM for a therapy almost of some sort? One of the things Seven and I had talked about was possibly eventually doing knife play to help get my head to stop connecting the feeling of scratching/cutting of something to do when I'm depressed.
 
Go ahead and join Fetlife. It's a place where you can read threads galore on just about any kink you can imagine (I think scat and pedos aren't welcome, though I have heard scat mentioned..). It's kind of like Facebook for kinky people.

You mean it's a place where people are censored without their permission: their photos deleted, their posts edited, and their groups disbanded?~

A place with almost nothing to do?~

A place that brings out the worst in people?~

Did you mean "like Facebook" in that way?~
 
Scat is now against the TOU of Fet (used to not be so there are older mentions in places). Basically scat, bestiality, incest, and anything underage is not allowed on Fet.

It is a good learning place if you are curious about things.

A question I thought of. Does anyone here, either from personal or knowing someone who has, know much about people using aspects of BDSM for a therapy almost of some sort? One of the things Seven and I had talked about was possibly eventually doing knife play to help get my head to stop connecting the feeling of scratching/cutting of something to do when I'm depressed.

A Cat Scratching Post?~ I'm serious.~
 
A question I thought of. Does anyone here, either from personal or knowing someone who has, know much about people using aspects of BDSM for a therapy almost of some sort? One of the things Seven and I had talked about was possibly eventually doing knife play to help get my head to stop connecting the feeling of scratching/cutting of something to do when I'm depressed.

I thought that was one of the main points of BDSM... therapy. Have you read http://www.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top
 
A Cat Scratching Post?~ I'm serious.~

You really aren't getting it. I think you would be better off doing some research at FetLife and other kink sites before making glib comments like that when someone posts with a serious question about a serious issue. I am not really a kinkster, but curious about it, and whenever I have come to this thread with questions and given my opinions on things, I've always done so with respect. I would recommend you do the same, because your last two posts in this thread didn't come across as nice, respectful, or even seriously curious.
 
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You really aren't getting it. I think you would be better off doing some research at FetLife and other kink sites before making glib comments like that when someone posts with a serious question about a serious issue. I am not really a kinkster, but curious about it, and whenever I have come to this thread with questions and given my opinions on things, I've always done so with respect. I would recommend you do the same, because your last two posts in this thread didn't come across as nice, respectful, or even seriously curious.

Agreed.

ColorWolf, if you don't get it, learn, if you don't like it, don't watch. Its kinda like most things.. I don't understand christians or the US militarys' mandates. I don't go passive agressively bashing those two things at every turn. I did my time trying to figure it all out, it still doesn't make sense to me, so I have stepped away.

Don't be disrespectful to those of in that community. It would be like someone coming onto the poly forum, not quite understanding poly and mocking it in every way.

Not cool.

and please, don't complain about being misunderstood again. You aren't.. (for the record in communication half the communication is the sender, it is your responsibility to be understood, this doesn't mean to say sorry, it means to ensure you are clear and concise within the power of your language)
 
CW.. your recent comments are quite disrespectful.
 
I find all your recent comments as disrespectful, it's all about interpretation right?~

I said what I said about Facebook-comparisons because I have had very bad experiences with Facebook, it nearly tore my family apart and in some ways it did.~

My words simply formed into questions, because I regard Facebook as one regards a very potent poison: careful and avoiding.~

My last comment about the scratching post I meant quite literally, because I thought that's what was desired.~

If one does not desire an item to scratch and would prefer flesh as in during sex, then please make it known as so.~

There is no need to attack me, believe it or not I am not most of the time looking for a fight.~
 
Oh my-what a day huh?
:confused:

I have found it therapeutic. Not for cutting-I don't do knife play.
But addressing emotional residual issues due to a prior violent encounter & also my phobia of water/suffocation.
 
I thought that was one of the main points of BDSM... therapy. Have you read http://www.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

I have found it therapeutic. Not for cutting-I don't do knife play.
But addressing emotional residual issues due to a prior violent encounter & also my phobia of water/suffocation.

I have problems with the idea of BDSM as therapy. It can have that effect for many people. But generally, if you [generic you] need therapy, then go to a therapist. (I know this is not easy or readily available.) I think the risks for BDSM as therapy can be high. For example, I can see the scenario CattivaGattina of having Seven using knife play and cutting to address her urges to cut as possibly going really badly and causing more damage. It could also go just fine or have little effect. There is no way to know. And that is a problem. Yes, therapy can be hit or miss too. But it is unlikely to re-traumatize someone the way an intense BDSM scene gone badly wrong can.

I adore knife play. It is one of my favorite things. BDSM for me is not about therapy or self-improvement or similar goals. It's fun and sexy. People do use it for therapy. But, IMHO, they are playing with fire.
 
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BDSM for me is not about therapy or self-improvement or similar goals. It's fun and sexy. People do use it for therapy. But, IMHO, they are playing with fire.

I'd say many many people would disagree with you, opal. BDSM is so challenging sometimes. It can force you to trust more, be more open, be more decisive, or more submissive than you've ever been before. There is force and power play in vanilla life, but BDSM, for many, brings it to the surface, instead of it being subtly buried and denied the way it can be in vanilla situations. When you confront all this directly in a consensual D/s scene, it can be very stress relieving, cathartic, life growth inducing.

I believe it was in the Bottoming book where an author talks specifically about a woman who was raped, and how when she chose to do "rape play" in a consensual gangbang situation, after years of ordinary therapy, it finally helped her to overcome the original trauma and make her feel empowered once again.

Some people do not respond well to traditional talk therapy. Many people can't open up and talk about their deepest secrets and fears to a therapist. I've chatted with some good friends who never talk about their sex lives with their therapist, even though that is where they need the most help! They feel a stigma and shame about talking about sex. This is just one example. So, careful caring BDSM with a trusted experienced partner is an option for many, to maybe enhance talk therapy, and help to clear things, receive catharsis and move on.

My gf has anxiety issues. She's been in talk therapy for 5 years. But sometimes when she's feeling particularly fraught, nothing makes her feel better, safer, stronger, more relaxed, than to be bound, or put in a cage, or flogged. Fun and games? Sexy time? No, very serious shit.
 
I have problems with the idea of BDSM as therapy. It can have that effect for many people. But generally, if you [generic you] need therapy, then go to a therapist. (I know this is not easy or readily available.) I think the risks for BDSM as therapy can be high. For example, I can see the scenario CattivaGattina of having Seven using knife play and cutting to address her urges to cut as possibly going really badly and causing more damage. It could also go just fine or have little effect. There is no way to know. And that is a problem. Yes, therapy can be hit or miss too. But it is unlikely to re-traumatize someone the way an intense BDSM scene gone badly wrong can.

I adore knife play. It is one of my favorite things. BDSM for me is not about therapy or self-improvement or similar goals. It's fun and sexy. People do use it for therapy. But, IMHO, they are playing with fire.

I have also used BDSM as a type of therapy on occasion. While I agree, having a cutting issue you are trying to get past and then being into knife play does seem like playing with fire, not all people that use bdsm for therapy are taking quite those levels of risk. I occasionally get very stressed and feel like it is all just pent up inside, and that I need some sort of a release. When I feel this way I go to one of my two trusted partners, and will ask for a stress relief spanking. This is different than other scenes in that typically there is no warm up, they will spank as hard as possible, and the end goal will be to get to to cry. Once I cry, something comes over me and it is as if all the stress that has been building just falls away.

http://bottomsmarts.blogspot.com/2006/04/spanking-101-stress-relief.html

I will say that if I was a top I would never play for my own therapy purposes or would I play in such a stressed emotional state. It would be too easy to accidentally get caught up in the scene and take it too levels that neither I or the bottom meant to go to.
 
I adore knife play. It is one of my favorite things. BDSM for me is not about therapy or self-improvement or similar goals. It's fun and sexy. People do use it for therapy. But, IMHO, they are playing with fire.

I don't see it as being about therapy for me.
Only that it circumstantially has ended up being therapeutic-unexpectedly.

That may actually be a key too. For the issues it has helped with, I have already done therapy. I was already on track for healthy patterns. The dynamic allowed for a bit deeper intensity on a more personal level, but it wasn't a replacement for therapy.
Does that even make sense? Sometimes I can't find the words to describe the idea or picture in my head to save my life!
:confused:
 
I think that's why we had talked about it. I've tackled most of my stuff that I don't fall into really dark holes of depression. I had a fear of not being able to separate the thoughts of scratching/cutting from what I had done when I was depressed. That was more of the therapy idea with it, getting some positive thoughts in my head regarding it so I didn't just think that (and then have the hopes then when I may get upset not want to do it).
 
Can I just say that I think it's beautiful how interesting unique things like BDSM can help people in a therapeutic way?~ :)

I also apologize for not looking deeper into your question CattivaGattina.~

I also apologize for not mentioning that I've had horrible experiences with Facebook when responding to your suggestion Magdlyn.~

I will research more on subjects before bringing them up here, in order to stay on topic.~

*bows*

I meant no offense and wish only to learn, share, and spread love amongst all.~

Love all of you,

ColorsWolf
 
I knew a girl, years ago, who talked about the healing power of BDSM. I always raised an eyebrow. My concern was always that, I recognize that BDSM can break down a person so that they can feel truly vulnerable... but I had doubts that the dom knew what to do with the person at that point. It's a similar process in conventional therapy - work past the defense mechanisms to find out what is underneath (break down), and then teach new thought processes and habits so the patient can live a healthier life (begin healing). My question was always, "does the dom know how to bring them to a place of healing after they've broken them down?"

[I am assuming that "breaking down barriers" is one of the primary functions of BDSM, if I am wrong about this let me know]


I've been asking myself this same question since this topic started up. I've basically come to the answer of... most therapists I have worked with were profoundly incompetent. Most therapists I've heard of other people working with are profoundly incompetent. I have actually only encountered ONE therapist who I thought was actually good at his job and was doing more good than harm.

Keeping that in mind, I suppose it doesn't matter who is at the wheel when it comes to working through defense mechanisms and developing a more healthy worldview. I don't see why a dom who has been working with people for years is any less qualified than most therapists out there lol

I believe it was in the Bottoming book where an author talks specifically about a woman who was raped, and how when she chose to do "rape play" in a consensual gangbang situation, after years of ordinary therapy, it finally helped her to overcome the original trauma and make her feel empowered once again

For the issues it has helped with, I have already done therapy. I was already on track for healthy patterns. The dynamic allowed for a bit deeper intensity on a more personal level, but it wasn't a replacement for therapy.

I wonder if these two are kind of related? The "rape play" example sounds like she was already in intensive therapy for some time and probably learned quite a bit about the nature of feeling safe and feeling in control. Then it sounds like she found a safe way to actually test and explore these concepts which helped all of the information come together.

It's also possible that we are talking about two kinds of therapy, both of which are very important. Going to the spa for a few hours, I come home feeling truly relaxed, as if a huge weight has been lifted from my life. If anything qualifies as therapy, I'd say that would be it. However, while I feel much better this hasn't taught me to deal with my childhood issues with my father and the stress that comes from those experiences. That is another, and separate, kind of therapy needed.
 
Sometimes Marcus-
I read your posts and it's like getting a little extra oxygen into my system or something.

Very nice start to a morning.
 
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