redpepper
Active member
This weekend, I am moving upstairs. I can't stand being down here anymore with these memories. PN has agreed to move his stuff down here for the duration of the month, until he moves out. I rented the apartment, the mortgage transfers later this month to me and our separation agreement is almost finalized.
On to new things. I will be responsible, entirely, for getting that branch cut that is over the roof, for raking at least 70 bags of leaves this fall, for hand watering the garden every night, for wading through the Christmas decorations come Christmas time. These are the things that keep me up last night.
I didn't want any of this. I didn't ask for this. It seems my two men were done with me long ago and it took them this long to leave my life. It seems LB and I are the ones grieving the end of BLB house now, while they grieved it long ago. I am angry. I worked so hard to build up a beautiful family and now I am alone to sit in the memories this house has. Right now, it wasn't worth it.
I am sitting here listening to LB in the shower and PN coaxing him along. Soon everything will change. I am ready for it.
One of Mono's friends and I had a long talk over many beers the other night. It was helpful and moved me forward. She said she has met with him and he shows no sign of remorse or understanding of his impact on our family. He simply said we are better off without him, that he has moved on to his new family and that he will be a better man from now on. She thought he sounded like he was convincing himself... Perhaps those are the words he and his new girlfriend repeat. Likely he has convinced her he will change. The devil doesn't change into an angel simply because he says he is an angel now.
We are better off without him, on many levels, But damn it, we were good with him too. If it weren't for his deceit and infidelity, maybe things would have been different. But then again, he was done and because he was too much of a coward to admit it, he left a road of destruction instead.
On to new things. I will be responsible, entirely, for getting that branch cut that is over the roof, for raking at least 70 bags of leaves this fall, for hand watering the garden every night, for wading through the Christmas decorations come Christmas time. These are the things that keep me up last night.
I didn't want any of this. I didn't ask for this. It seems my two men were done with me long ago and it took them this long to leave my life. It seems LB and I are the ones grieving the end of BLB house now, while they grieved it long ago. I am angry. I worked so hard to build up a beautiful family and now I am alone to sit in the memories this house has. Right now, it wasn't worth it.
I am sitting here listening to LB in the shower and PN coaxing him along. Soon everything will change. I am ready for it.
One of Mono's friends and I had a long talk over many beers the other night. It was helpful and moved me forward. She said she has met with him and he shows no sign of remorse or understanding of his impact on our family. He simply said we are better off without him, that he has moved on to his new family and that he will be a better man from now on. She thought he sounded like he was convincing himself... Perhaps those are the words he and his new girlfriend repeat. Likely he has convinced her he will change. The devil doesn't change into an angel simply because he says he is an angel now.
We are better off without him, on many levels, But damn it, we were good with him too. If it weren't for his deceit and infidelity, maybe things would have been different. But then again, he was done and because he was too much of a coward to admit it, he left a road of destruction instead.
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