Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Love the cat pictures. Cats have so much fun with high places!
 
Gorgeous kitty pictures! Stuart looks like a mixture of my two ginger cats.
If you are looking for a good budget spreadsheet I've got one I adore (when I can remember to budget).
 
I spent the entire day shopping yesterday, for tea party decorations and servingware. I have no idea why it took as long as it did, but it was crazy! My daughter drove us to all the places I needed to go, and on my date night with DarKnight, I was finally able to finish up. Today - once I get out of bed - I am going to set up the table and make sure everything looks ok. I am excited! DarkKnight is making clotted cream for the first time ever today too - and perfecting his scones recipe for the event next Saturday.

The last couple of days I have been very up and high energy. PunkRock says he thinks it is the new bed - I am sleeping through the night and feeling refreshed in the mornings. I woke up this morning at 3:30 am though - PunkRock was snoring super loud! I went over to Amazon.com and bought him his birthday present, and then proceeded to purchase some Christmas gifts for other people in our family.

My oldest daughter called yesterday and now she and her friend are not coming for Thanksgiving. I am not surprised, but I am sad. That said, she can come down from NY the Monday after Thanksgiving, so we are discussing maybe waiting to have our big feast on the Tuesday instead. She was really happy and amazed I would reschedule it, but she's my baby! No worries about rescheduling!

PunkRock finished painting another WarMachine unit for me yesterday. I was so busy I didn't have time to even look at it. Holy hell he is an amazing artist! If I could, I'd have him repaint all of my army! I thought what I had before was nice, but the level of detail he can create - I am just in awe of his skills! I haven't played WarMachine in about 3 weeks or so though - things have been hectic.
 
Paperwork is on the agenda for today. This stuff never ends. I've got more follow-up to take care of - stuff moving forward from the finance meeting. Seriously though, every piece of paper I look at, there are at least 2 actionable steps I have to take before I can file it away, so making the pile smaller is a fairly futile endeavor. I am not feeling a lot of stress yet though, because I am still basking in the afterglow of last night.

Oh! Last night! Sex was AMAZING. I'm on the rag right now, so even though PunkRock doesn't mind, I feel better masturbating - with some assistance - during this part of the month. Holy crap though, the stuff he was doing last night - no penetration needed! I had actually gotten off a couple of times during the afternoon with him, and then at bedtime I decided I wasn't finished. We had awesome anal sex too - damn, everything about last night was intensely satisfying. It wasn't that we did anything we hadn't done before, it was just one of those times when it's all just amazing. I'm still floating.

I have to say that we've been talking more about a commitment ceremony. I really want one, and PunkRock is amiable to the idea. He says he doesn't care what other people think; he's already made his choice. That said, with all this financial intertwining we've set up, and the health care proxies, living wills, etc, our present and our future are definitely already married together in every way that they can be. That is actually pretty awesome.

Here's a pic of DarkKnight and I - we had a date night last night, so part of it was spent at Sweet Frog.

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Edited to add some info about my teeth! I think the Invisalign is going great. This coming Friday will be the halfway point. My top row is looking phenomenal - everything is so much straighter! My bottom row...well, I have huge gaps everywhere! This is all part of the plan, but it is crazy to look at. There was definitely lots of overcrowding before, and now stuff has shifted to make room for the implant I'm getting in January 2016. The Invisalign itself will be done in May next year, I just have to wait to get the implant for financial reasons until the following January. My insurance will only cover so much of it! Still, it's exciting stuff.
 
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Nice pic, and sounds like things are going good! :D
 
Kind of bummed about today. I had been looking forward to it as a catch-all sort of day, so I could use it to run all sorts of errands. Well, my bestie from NY called me last night and she jogged my memory and yeah, I have a 9 am appointment at the allergist today. And upon looking at my calendar, I also have a 12 pm admin meeting in West Virginia to discuss the homeschool group I am in. FUCK.

PunkRock has the entire day off and DarkKnight is having a rare switched shift where he works 3 pm until 11 pm. My day of running errands and being with my guys is not gonna happen. Waaaaah!

Oh well. Both of them have a honeydew list - PunkRock is getting new tires and an alignment on his car, is going to the DMV to renew his license and then he needs to get his butt to the bank to have his health care proxy and living will witnessed. DarkKnight also has the health care stuff to get signed off on, and he has a phone call to make to his work human resources - he's looking to add a $650,000 term life insurance policy with me as a beneficiary. We have a price quote from AAA, but he can also get one from his work and we are going to check with the company that holds his current whole-life policy as well.

My to-do list is crazy, but now the appointments that I had forgotten about are going to push everything back. Two things that are screaming the loudest though - I need to go to the library and pick up a book for co-op tomorrow, and I need to go to the social security office to drop off paperwork for my son. Oh, and I have to finish writing my Astronomy class quiz and get that emailed out today, for sure!

I believe I have wet laundry in the washing machine...

PunkRock and I had a short discussion last night about how the mono/poly structure of our relationship is working. He said he definitely feels like a primary. He did articulate that he feels like he gets more time with me than DarkKnight. I will check with DarkKnight, because I don't really feel like that is the case, but I don't want either of my guys feeling like things are unbalanced. I love them both bunches!
 
Well, I completed some things on my to-do list yesterday, but none of them were high priority. I will have to do more tomorrow, because today is homeschool co-op and then I go play trivia with my friends.

I actually played trivia last night with PunkRock, since DarkKnight was working the late shift. It was fun - we didn't come in last but we blew a major question and never recovered. PunkRock had me feeling all squishy and full of joy most of the night. When he smiles at me, I just melt! Once again it was sorta difficult to come home and then have a sleepover with DarkKnight, but I managed. It was late, so everyone was sleepy - including me!

I did have lunch yesterday with DarkKnight, and I asked him about PunkRock's concern that he was receiving less time with me. He said he didn't feel that, and that he is very happy with my time split. He was very candid and believable. I don't think there is an issue there. It is nice to think that PunkRock is concerned and looking out for his metamour though.

I won't see PunkRock much today. He came to kiss me goodbye and left for work at 8:30 this morning. He'll be home at 1:30ish, and my co-op begins at 1 pm. I will come home for a bit but then I am gone all evening. At least we have a sleepover! DarkKnight is again working the evening shift, so I will be with him all morning.

Ugh. My legs are all itchy and dry today. I keep scratching.

Interesting news - at the allergist yesterday it was confirmed - I am allergic to peppermint, tuna and anchovies. I think that is a crazy mix of things! Better than peanuts and chocolate though. :) No Caesars salad for me but I can deal.

I have had my health care proxy and living will witnessed now, so it's all official. PunkRock took his to the bank yesterday, so his is valid now too. Hopefully, DarkKnight will get his signed today, and then I can get copies made. We are going to file them at the doctor's office, and the originals will be in our safe. My daughter in NY will have a copy too.

We have had more discussion about attending the Poly Living conference in February, in Philadelphia. PunkRock is jazzed, but DarkKnight is wishy washy. He isn't too keen on the idea of meeting new people. I wanted to sell him on the idea by discussing workshop topics, but the site still only lists last year's offerings. I hope they update soon. I would like both my guys to attend.
 
If you do attend, tell us what it is like. I've never been to a poly conference before and I'm curious.
 
OMG today is cray cray. I've got a to-do list a mile long and I am so far unable to leave the house because my daughter is taking her Astronomy quiz, and I need to supervise that until she's finished. Then I need to shower. I feel like today will never get started!

DarkKnight has an interesting schedule - he is not going to be on call this coming week, but instead will be working the 7 pm to 7 am shift so he can shadow a specific employee, and learn that particular job inside and out, so he can then train new hires. He's going to NY from December 3 until December 14.

Yeah, I'm freaking out about that.

I'm now in scheduling mode - trying to work things out with my extended family and plans here at home to make sure I can go with him some of the time and be here some of the time, and everyone gets to visit. Plus, I have my Christmas charity in NY to handle and that is going to eat up SO much time. Actually, on Sunday I have a boatload of stuff to do for it. Yikes!

Tomorrow is the day I am hosting a tea party for all my lady friends. I am excited about it, but the amount of prep work today is daunting.

PunkRock and I had a really good conversation last night - he re-iterated several times that he wants to marry me and have a ceremony. That we are staying together for always. I talked about him possibly dating and opening up our V, but he said he signed on to this thing as monogamous, and he isn't looking to change that, especially right now. I've been worrying over this, but he says I need to stop, because he isn't interested at all. He texted me earlier in the day, saying "Why would I want someone else? You give me all the love I need."

That is definitely not a polyamorous statement.

I LIKE the idea of my guys both being open to love others, because seriously, they are great. When I think about other ladies being able to experience the love and care and awesome sexy times that they have to offer - squeee! Everyone should get the opportunity to feel that wonderful.

But there is a part of me that has a LOT of fear about PunkRock finding a monogamous woman to be with, her making him feel complete, and so leaving me. So I selfishly want him NOT to be open. I start feeling anxious when I think about this. DarkKnight says this is me not trusting PunkRock yet, which is true. We've been together for almost 10 months. I don't know how long it will take for me to feel secure. I start feeling terrible when I can't put a timelime on it - how long will it be until I feel ok with him dating someone new? But he says I am silly, because he doesn't want to date anyone, at all. I don't think he's just saying that to calm me either.

I guess I should chill out and just be happy with what we have. If in the future he communicates that he does want to date, then we can put a timetable on me getting my shit together. ARGGGGGGGH. I've not had this before. When I dated M, and when I dated A, they already had other partners, and I didn't feel this mixed up. I think it has to do with the fact that those partners were already there and they were experienced poly guys. It's the unknown that is the real mindfuck for me, I think.

I am trying to think about any of the guys I was seeing - did any of them add new partners while we were dating??? Hmmmm...just M, and when he did, he called to tell me he was going on a date and that he was dumping me in the same conversation.

Huh. Well all righty then. The hell with this line of thinking.

Honestly, I believe that if DarkKnight or PunkRock came to me and said, I want to date, or swing, or whatever, I would be spooked, but then I would handle it ok. I don't know why at this moment I am having all these jumbled up anxieties about it, when it isn't even an issue! Maybe because we're talking so much about the commitment ceremony, and I want to commit to never changing what we have. But that is dumb, because things are going to change - big time! - when we move and we launch into our traveling phase and then settle down to purchase and rehab some commercial/industrial properties. Oh I am excited about our future!

Focusing on the positive. My life is really great. I am so very happy, overall. :)
 
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"DarkKnight says this is me not trusting PunkRock yet, which is true. We've been together for almost ten months."

Well I think ten months is a fairly short amount of time. Long enough to be more than "mere boyfriend and girlfriend," but still. I'd give myself five or ten years before saying, "Yeah, we've been together for quite awhile."

Don't get me wrong, I think the three of you gel well enough together that a handfasting/commitment ceremony is easily in order. But leave some room in the wording for unforeseen directions of growth in the future. Sure PunkRock is sure you're all he wants right now, but no one can predict their own future. He might unexpectedly fall in love with someone he hasn't met yet. Any number of things could happen.

Not trying to scare you, cause I think you can trust both of the guys to stay with you for life, whether they meet other partners or not. Just saying the future always has a way of surprising us.
 
Yes. I would never make him promise sexual fidelity or any sort of version of monogamous faithfulness. True story - DarkKnight and I wrote our own vows when we eloped, and none of that junk was in there, even though neither of us had even a smidge of knowledge about polyamory!
 
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I woke up feeling introverted this morning! This hardly ever happens, but when it does, it doesn't bode well for the rest of my day. Of course, today happens to be the date of my tea party. I'm hosting six people and I need to get in the shower NOW so I have time to prepare for everything. Ugh. Can I just cover my head and stay in bed? I kinda wanna just play mahjong and not talk to anyone instead.

Sigh.

I did talk to DarkKnight about commitment ceremonies, and he thinks that PunkRock and I should spirit away and not include anyone at all in our plans. He said he is perfectly fine not attending, but maybe my daughters would want to help me pick dresses, etc. instead of them going with, since it will be an elopement. I like that idea. I think the next thing to do is set a date...not too far away but long enough after our move so we have money to have a good time. :)
 
I posted in another thread, but I suppose I should update here as well. We've set May as our wedding month, but whether it's 2015 or 2016, I have no idea. :) I made a list of things that were important to me, and talked to PunkRock, and we are pretty much on the same page, planning-wise. I feel like I'm experiencing an even bigger jolt of NRE - I keep giving him giggly-googly eyes. Squeee!

We are thinking of going to the Florida Keys and having a nice ceremony there with just the two of us. PunkRock says he wants a top hat and a long gray coat with tails, but nothing too formal. He's a hoot, for sure. I started a Pinterest board. It's exciting and fun and things are wonderful between us. We had amazing sex last night, and this morning. Things haven't really slowed down at all in that department.

PunkRock's brother, LordTenderHeart stayed over last night - he was in PunkRock's room, while PunkRock was in the master suite with me. He was on his way home from train school in Georgia. He's a driver now - an engineer? He picked up his parrot when he went back to his house this morning, so no more bird sitting for us!

Today was pretty great - I had two new bras that I ordered online get delivered, so I got those at the store and then bought myself a new shirt too. PunkRock and I went to lunch at Cracker Barrel and I bought a super cute new purse. DarkKnight had a choral concert, so the whole family went to watch his performance, and we went to dinner together, with DarkKnight's cousin & two kids at a Mexican place near our house. It was nice.

Tomorrow DarkKnight & I are taking our daughter to a Serenity "Quote Along" which I am looking forward to attending! I love the show Firefly. :)
 
Lots to do today, but how often is that not the case? Lol

Last night was a sleepover for DarkKnight, but when he left to go work downstairs this morning, PunkRock came and snuggled me. He had set his alarm clock an hour earlier so he could be with me, so that was super sweet.

DarkKnight is starting a different schedule at work tomorrow - he's working a 7 pm to 7 am shift most of the week inorder to learn someone's job, then he is headed to NY the first week in December to train new hires how to do this job. So, he's getting another sleepover tonight since the rest of the week PunkRock will be filling in for him in my bed. :)

Thanksgiving plans are in flux again. It looks like on Thanksgiving, I will be with PunkRock at his aunt's house, with his extended family. We are having our own family Thanksgiving with my kids and DarkKnight on December 2, since that is when my daughter in NY can be here.
 
Second to last Astronomy class being held today. I am going to miss teaching this group of teens - they really are all great kids. I look at them and wonder what their lives have in store for them. Then I think of myself and wonder what is in store for me!

I'm thinking more and more about returning to college to get another degree or certificate - vet tech this time around. I believe I will start volunteering next year at the animal shelter near us, so I can get a handle on how best to create a viable model for us. PunkRock knows a woman who started her own no-kill special needs cat animal sanctuary, so I am definitely going to pick her brain as well. I've read a little bit and I do believe I have the skill set to get this idea of PunkRock's off the ground - I am fairly good at fund raising because of the Christmas charity I've helped run for the last 12 years. DarkKnight and I are both feeling good about it. We'll see. :)
 
You're thinking about starting your own no-kill special needs animal sanctuary?
 
There's a great no-kill sanctuary in Southern Utah - Best Friends. They have wild bird, household pets, pigs and horses, etc. The place is huge.
 
Heh, yes Kevin. Well, not so much special needs. We still have our first plan in place - in two years or less, we are going to move out of state and rent a cheap-o house in a depressed area and go on the road in an RV for a while. That plan is still being pressed forward. While that is happening, we want to be working toward a common, unified goal, and we've decided that is to purchase a commercial or industrial property that we can rehab and live in, at the same time set up to be a no-kill cat shelter. (Our living area would be separate but attached.) We can use the RV to check out different parts of the country where this would be affordable and feasible.

I am thinking of going back to school, regardless. I was planning on completing an advanced degree, but now that we've settled on the idea of a cat shelter, I want to work toward something that will be beneficial to that end. Vet Tech makes sense, but maybe once I start volunteering, I will realize there is something more helpful that we will need. I already feel confident that my other degrees would help on the paperwork and fund raising side of things.

I thought I had talked about this, but I guess not. :)
 
Odds and ends and thoughts about stuff.

I've gained 10 pounds this year, since I started dating PunkRockAwesomesauce. I am seriously finding myself to be disgusting lately. I started counting calories yesterday and I am going to stay on track until the extra weight is gone. I feel gross and I hate getting dressed, avoiding the clothes I know won't fit right. Some of that stuff is awesome too! Ugh. I really do not like myself at this size.

I need to get to the library later today, as I need a book about Paul Bunyan for co-op. I am excited that this is the last week for classes until next year, because I need a break. At some time today I have to get out to the craft store too. My focus this week is "Tall Tales" and I plan to read two stories to the kids, talk about tall tales and then help them write a tall tale about themselves, in a book format. At the least we can staple blank sheets of paper together, but I am hoping to find some cheaper nice folio looking things that make their stories look like books.

I am not looking forward to next semester, but since I am on the board right now, I can't rotate off I that until the summer, which means I'll look like a jerkface if I pull my daughter from co-op. Sigh. I need to start planning class ideas for next semester at some point. I know I am going to teach a "Divination" class for teens, as I already have lots of experience with reading palms and tarot cards. I figure we can read tea leaves too, and then that class will be all done! Hopefully I can drum up some enthusiasm for two other class topics.

I seem to be flitting from fire to fire lately and some small stuff is falling through the cracks. We are buying my daughter a handgun for Christmas and no one in our household has had their fingerprints and background check yet. I hope to connect with one of my guys today and get them going at it.
 
ERGH!

We've been dragging on accomplishing certain tasks, and not because we're procrastinating - things are just so busy! BUT DarkKnight finally worked out and obtained info we've been waiting on - prices on term life insurance.

DarkKnight already has a whole life policy through a national company, and his work provides a death benefit equal to one year's salary, as well as an additional accidental death benefit, equal to one year's salary. All of that is great, but none of it is what I would need to survive to age 65 in the manner to which I have become accustomed. :) (That's a joke, as the three of us say that to each other all the time.) Anyway, we guess that I could prolly get a job making around 30K a year without trying too hard, with my combo of background, degrees and experience. So, I'd need to have at least an additional 35K to make things normal for me if he were to pass away. That means a $650,000 30-year term policy is needed.

If we did the math correct.

The company that has his whole life policy wanted $150 a month. We belong to AAA, and they quoted me $100 a month. DarkKnight's job quoted him - I think, $40 a pay period, which is twice a month. We're now going to request paperwork, so I can be sure this is what we are looking for, but it seems that DarkKnight's work is subsidizing this a bit, which is great. I am just concerned that if he were to lose his job - would we lose the insurance? How much would we then have to pay? I am hoping to get this active and rolling by the new year.

PunkRockAwesomesauce also looked into his work's offerings, but I can't remember them right now. I have all these numbers and figures in my head. Ugh.

Co-op today, followed by trivia with my lady friends. I am thinking I might bail on trivia because I have so much to else to focus on. I was out last night with some of the same friends, for book club. (We read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. I absolutely recommend it - non-fiction, but it was a wonderful story!) PunkRock and I had a short period together in the afternoon, as we went to the mall and bought him a new winter coat. He had a decently warm coat for work, but he's used it for 10 years and it shows tons of paint stains and such from being a contractor. I wanted him to have something nice to wear out in public. :) Luckily, JCPenney was having a great sale - instead of $125, it was only $60.
 
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