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  #11  
Old 05-14-2018, 11:54 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by Al99 View Post
Was there, by chance, a bowl of money under it?

Al
(Who's probably read "Stranger" a few too many times).
That was my first thought as well.

The second was to ask if they had 501(c)(3) status as a branch of CAW.
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


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  #12  
Old 05-14-2018, 11:56 AM
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PinkPig PinkPig is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I see all these ‘women can have sex and/or relationships anytime they want’ and wonder what the hell I’m doing wrong. This has not been my experience at all.

My male partners have had more dates or partners than I do. They seem to find it easier to meet compatible people. My female partners also seem to find compatible people easier than I do.

I don’t know why this is. If I did, I’d try and fix it! I do wonder how other many other women roll their eyes at this trope as not being their experience either.
I found it more difficult, too. Part of it, I think is personality for me... I am outgoing with people I know at least casually, but more reserved with new people. And, I dislike online dating...I find it draining.

It was easy to find men who wanted sex but not men who wanted a relationship with a partnered woman. I had the most difficulty finding female partners.

It's much easier to find both when I'm single.
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  #13  
Old 05-14-2018, 04:52 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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It definitely isn't easy for me to find partners, whether purely sexual or relationship. For that matter, it isn't particularly easy for me to find friends, so my difficulty is likely just me.

On the other hand, I see a lot of women talking about getting tons of messages on dating sites. I generally get 2-4 messages a week across all the sites that I'm on, and the vast majority of those are nothing more than "Hi" with an occasional "How are you" thrown in. I don't answer those; I need more to go on than that if I'm going to have a conversation with someone. The low number of messages I receive doesn't have anything to do with my personality; they don't *know* my personality when they're sending a first message. They only have my profile to go by, and my profiles are relatively well-written and make me seem a lot less awkward than I can be in person.

I also tend to have fairly high standards for men I'll reply to or interact with, I go through phases (like I am now) where I don't trust anyone and so don't feel like wasting time trying to meet people, and I only date men. So all of those probably play a role as well.
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  #14  
Old 05-14-2018, 07:27 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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My guess is that love is hard to find in general. For both men and women. With certain exceptions. But I do have to note that I've seen a lot of men on this forum who are complaining that their wife gets to go out and date and have fun all the time, while they (the husband) get stuck at home, unable to find anyone. Is that because men are more likely to complain about that sort of thing? I don't know. And my perspective is clouded by the experience I had when I tried OKCupid. I had no luck there, and eventually gave up.

I have had two partners in my life. I found both when I wasn't looking. You can draw your own conclusions.
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  #15  
Old 05-17-2018, 02:20 AM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
Now you would be looked at as another meme - "Dude with a harem."
Okay, Vince, it's YOUR fault for another story.

We were launching a housewarming party. I had just pulled a tray of bacon-wrapped water chestnuts from the broiler, in time to hear our friend Rick mention "Tony's harem."

I stepped in, & said "nah -- it's more like I'm their pool boy" & went back to set up the next tray.

My (very gay) friend Steve guffawed, followed by my two lovers from southern California, who then had to explain it to everyone else.


Last edited by Ravenscroft; 05-17-2018 at 02:24 AM.
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  #16  
Old 05-18-2018, 03:42 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post

...We were launching a housewarming party. I had just pulled a tray of bacon-wrapped water chestnuts from the broiler...

I hope you weren't naked when dealing with the bacon. Unless you like pain, which is entirely possible.
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  #17  
Old 05-18-2018, 07:05 PM
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Originally Posted by PinkPig View Post
I found it more difficult, too. Part of it, I think is personality for me... I am outgoing with people I know at least casually, but more reserved with new people. And, I dislike online dating...I find it draining.

It was easy to find men who wanted sex but not men who wanted a relationship with a partnered woman. I had the most difficulty finding female partners.

It's much easier to find both when I'm single.
These have been my experiences as well. Sure, I could be rolling in easy sex, if that's what I wanted. But what I want is a loving, long-term, committed relationship with another femme person, and it seems like I might as well ask for the moon at this point.
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  #18  
Old 05-19-2018, 04:51 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I hope you weren't naked when dealing with the bacon.
Actually, not -- y'know, housewarming party, middle of the afternoon, doors open to whoever...

But in any case there's this new high-tech invention which might not yet have made it to your region, called an apron.

(And now we even have these cutting-edge accessories, which are kinda like mittens, used to take hot stuff from the oven, but nobody's come up with a good name for them yet. )
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  #19  
Old 05-20-2018, 06:00 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
...But in any case there's this new high-tech invention which might not yet have made it to your region, called an apron.
Dude claims that he is "not naked" when he is wearing socks, so I think wearing an apron must exclude you from the "naked" category as well!

I'm voting for "naked baconing" to be included as an event in the upcoming "Extreme Cooking Olympics" (which I will gladly watch from a safe distance - as I have been banned from all kitchens in perpetuity...)
__________________
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #20  
Old 05-20-2018, 03:32 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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FWIW, some of my housemates were in the habit of cooking/baking topless, & they thought I was a bit silly for my preference to be clothed. But Annie got herself a small scar on her belly while pan-frying fish, due to the bad habit of flipping stuff forward rather than back.
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Anyway, if everyone's done derailing the thread I'll be glad to see more input of personal experience & direct observation.

The thesis is that in general women might "have it easier" in getting attention, but not so much in starting a relationship (particularly in a nonmon context).**

I bring this up in order to reassure males that their partner "getting all the attention" seems to be common, & is not a reflection upon what their own experience will be, much less any "success/failure" thinking. More like:
  • my partners' (male) lovers tended to wander off when they realized they weren't going to become "their man" (mono)
  • my (female) lovers tended to enjoy visiting & hanging out; Annie asked two to be godmothers for our kids
Conversely, women -- particularly those who show up here having had few (if any) intimate relationships previous to their present husband/boyfriend/etc. -- probably NEED to settle themselves down, & not get all twitterpated just because some cute (or at least not-entirely-disgusting) New Boy smiled at her in the hallway after first-period algebra.

Men are exceedingly simple creatures, really, particularly in a Monogamist context, & mostly want to
  1. get laid
  2. make you feel obligated to do it again, & again
  3. but be a "cool chick" & not have your own needs/expectations
  4. cut loose any other partners you might have
  5. ...except a woman, especially if she's hot
IMO, most guys are decent about curbing their fantasies, but ONLY IF the woman doesn't indulge herself in giggly-girly airheadedness, instead stepping up to adulthood, setting & enforcing sane boundaries.
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Overall, the "easier" meme doesn't hold water well.

If a woman just wants to "get her needs met" & not be troubled by any sort of ongoing relationship, then YEAH it's gonna be "easier" than for a male partner seeking similar. Same for flirtations at work or at a club -- though IME more women really need to figure out that a guy who flirts is likely either a creeeepy stalker who has targeted her or he acts that way with just about any woman he encounters (review Goal #1, above).

But ruling out one-night stands & serial monogamy (& as well the dangling of the "bi-curious" wife as FMF triad bait), my observation is that it's NOT more difficult for men than for women to establish ongoing nonmon relationships, & in my experience can be somewhat easier/more likely.
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** -- Yes, the underlying assumption is that most people tend toward hetero & looking to snag someone of the "opposite" sex, & as well dyad-oriented. That does seem to cover MANY people, though, & is to a degree generalizable; if it's an issue, certainly someone can make it better.
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