I am currently in a triad situation. I have been married for 13 years, and am just realizing I have been poly the entire time. The only difference is that now there is a physical relationship with my bf that I never had before.
My husband is doing fabulously and really enjoys the time we spend all together. He was VERY sad and lonely when D and I had to leave to come home on Monday.
Anyway, in the beginning, my husband was confused that we had decided not to have sex for a while and asked quite frequently. Now before anyone jumps on that, although it was quite annoying he was struggling a bit with this situation at the beginning. He is past that and realizes that he was imposing his will in a place he didn't belong (It took some working out at first).
Then, he meets D and asks why he didn't have a key yet since he was over so often. I told him because I have been with him less than 2 months and I didn't want him to have a key. Then, after this weekend he asked if I would like to consider getting something a little larger than we had originally planned when he moves here and asking if he would like to stay in a house with us instead of a cruddy apartment.
I mean seriously?? Its only be 8 weeks!! Why is he even bringing this up when he won't be here until November at least?
Finally, the Coup de gras. On our way home last weekend, D decides he is going to have a talk with me that I had determined I would hold off on. He describes our situation as poly and was quite clear when I asked him if he knew what he was saying. I told my SO, who was quite pleased because he knew I wanted to see if we were all on the same page but didn't want to force labels onto anything. My SO seems genuinely happy but then goes on to call him FAMILY. I mean... I mean.... I don't even know what to say. So we wound up in a fight. I told him that I would determine what direction my relationship took and I was tired of him making those calls. I told him, he was attempting to control the situation and I didn't appreciate it and couldn't accept it.
What bothers me about this is that I believe he is mono but is okay with the fact that I am poly (and always have been). However, now he has decided he is poly too (I truly believe its the "well if she can have it" mentality and not actual poly).
Why do I believe this? Everything I told you above. I don't mind if he finds a poly situation, or a FWB or chooses to do nothing at all, so long as he is happy. However, this mentality he has shown me scares the ever loving crap out of me. Serious? Does he think being poly means that after 2 months people just step into the family and have the right to make major decisions that could affect everything you have worked so hard for? I tell you what, if he thinks after 2 months some other person is going to step in and make calls on what I have worked for YEARS to build, he has another think coming.
Edit: Sorry I had to rant a bit. Thanks for reading. Has anyone else had this issue?
My husband is doing fabulously and really enjoys the time we spend all together. He was VERY sad and lonely when D and I had to leave to come home on Monday.
Anyway, in the beginning, my husband was confused that we had decided not to have sex for a while and asked quite frequently. Now before anyone jumps on that, although it was quite annoying he was struggling a bit with this situation at the beginning. He is past that and realizes that he was imposing his will in a place he didn't belong (It took some working out at first).
Then, he meets D and asks why he didn't have a key yet since he was over so often. I told him because I have been with him less than 2 months and I didn't want him to have a key. Then, after this weekend he asked if I would like to consider getting something a little larger than we had originally planned when he moves here and asking if he would like to stay in a house with us instead of a cruddy apartment.
I mean seriously?? Its only be 8 weeks!! Why is he even bringing this up when he won't be here until November at least?
Finally, the Coup de gras. On our way home last weekend, D decides he is going to have a talk with me that I had determined I would hold off on. He describes our situation as poly and was quite clear when I asked him if he knew what he was saying. I told my SO, who was quite pleased because he knew I wanted to see if we were all on the same page but didn't want to force labels onto anything. My SO seems genuinely happy but then goes on to call him FAMILY. I mean... I mean.... I don't even know what to say. So we wound up in a fight. I told him that I would determine what direction my relationship took and I was tired of him making those calls. I told him, he was attempting to control the situation and I didn't appreciate it and couldn't accept it.
What bothers me about this is that I believe he is mono but is okay with the fact that I am poly (and always have been). However, now he has decided he is poly too (I truly believe its the "well if she can have it" mentality and not actual poly).
Why do I believe this? Everything I told you above. I don't mind if he finds a poly situation, or a FWB or chooses to do nothing at all, so long as he is happy. However, this mentality he has shown me scares the ever loving crap out of me. Serious? Does he think being poly means that after 2 months people just step into the family and have the right to make major decisions that could affect everything you have worked so hard for? I tell you what, if he thinks after 2 months some other person is going to step in and make calls on what I have worked for YEARS to build, he has another think coming.
Edit: Sorry I had to rant a bit. Thanks for reading. Has anyone else had this issue?
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