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Old 11-23-2017, 04:24 AM
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Default New and making a decision

I'm new to the idea of poly. I'm an established professional, early 30's female. I have two beautiful girlfriends who I absolutely adore. I don't really consider that being "poly" (more like bigamy, I guess) but if I choose to add more to that relationship, what are the possible forms that could take? How many varieties of poly are there?
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Old 11-23-2017, 06:33 AM
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We had a discussion (with diagrams) about this a couple of years ago. The answer is basically "lots".
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Old 11-23-2017, 05:52 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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First, what is this "decision" you are making? And what do you mean by "add more"? And specifically WHICH relationship do you propose to add to?

Second, a point. Do your sex partners have other sex partners? If not, then YOU are nonmonogamous, but they (probably) aren't. Around here, we sometims refer to that as being monoamorous, satisfied remaining with one intimate partner.

I disagree that there are "many forms" of polyamory, a meme that leads to much confusion. There's various ways of mapping out relationships, which individually might or mightn't include sex or emotional connection of cohabitation or meeting IRL. For instance, a vee might live together, or the "arm" dyads may never meet over many years.

There's only 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week, 365.25 days in a year. Healthy people need 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night. You say you're a professional, which likely means 45-65 hours/week for work, out of 168.

What problems are you having with your girlfriends that you have enough time left to consider more relationships? How much depth with your extant sex partners are you willing to sacrifice -- maybe permanently -- in pursuit of novelty or maybe replacement? How have you explained to each of them that you intend to do this?

Last edited by Ravenscroft; 11-23-2017 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 11-23-2017, 07:31 PM
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Greetings majormerrick,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Polyamory = "the state of being, or the ability and/or inclination to be, in a romantically-linked set of more than two persons, with the full knowledge and consent of all the persons in the set."

At least that's my definition. So, I would say, anything that fits that definition can be considered poly, so there are any number of kinds and configurations.

Hopefully that helps,
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Old 11-24-2017, 05:43 AM
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Default clarification

OK, a bit of clarification now that I've had some time to think. My current relationship is considered a "triad" I guess. The three of us are all with each other, and nobody outside. But this is getting more complicated.

My exBF from years ago and I are still very close. I've been in love with him for probably around 15 years. We were engaged many years ago, but we could never make the relationship work. We hang out, we had Thanksgiving together as a big family, we're pretty much in each other's lives on a daily basis, just not really in a relationship. He has two wives, again in a "triad" kind of relationship. Where it gets complicated is that my first girlfriend (GF#1) is getting a bit close with his first wife - this was brought out in a recent mildly sexual situation between the two of them. We still haven't had a discussion about where we want this to go. So, I'm still trying to decide what I want and what is possible. I don't really consider this as being "problems," more like a decision point in our lives that ought to be handled with care. I am fortunate that my girls stay home. My GF#1 has a job that she does via computer, while my GF#2 keeps house and handles errands. It is a system that has provided excellent work-life balance for us.

One thing I do know, is that I would want to live with whoever I'm in love with. Separate houses wouldn't work for me. So, any change in my relationship will involve a change in living situation, since both I and my ex own our own places. Decisions like that can cost major money, thus some of my concern.
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Old 11-24-2017, 05:51 AM
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I can see where there are a lot of hard decisions in your future. One house, 6 adults, big changes for everybody.
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Old 11-24-2017, 06:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
I can see where there are a lot of hard decisions in your future. One house, 6 adults, big changes for everybody.
Not just six adults. My ex has several kids too. I am sort of an aunt to them, as are my GFs. It is something I really enjoy. Part of me wants kids of my own, but part of me is afraid I would be a terrible mother. But that is kind of a moot point since I am physically unable to have children. I wonder, though, if I would over time become jealous of his wives' ability to bear children. It was a major issue when my ex and I were together - he wanted a big family and I simply couldn't get pregnant. His faith also places great importance on women being mothers.
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Old 11-26-2017, 12:32 AM
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Hi Majormerrick - I'm just going to post a brief note to welcome you to the Forum - and leave the advice to the veterans. Best of luck on your journey! Al
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Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
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My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
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