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Old 11-25-2017, 01:55 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,756

Hey there Lostlucy, glad to hear it has been helpful so far. Sometimes the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming. You are gaining some knowledge of poly, so that helps.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 11-25-2017, 03:30 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 7,225

I'm glad you are taking a trip on your own. Perhaps it will help you do some soul searching and give you a break from all this stuff.

he asked me to give him time to prove it won’t affect our home life or if anything at all or will improve it, I was initially hesitant but how do I know that he isn’t right I don’t know that this won’t greatly improve our lives.
Improve it how? You didn't sound unhappy with a monogamous marriage, career or kids.

So I’m giving him time and I will decide if I should stay or leave
Yup. That's all you can do. Decide if you want to stay in this or not. Esp since this is changing and it is not the marriage model you originally signed up for.

as he said he isn’t willing to change he has always felt this way and hid it for so long it’s time for him to be him
That would bother me. If he's always felt that why... why wasn't he up front about it to you when you guys were dating? And certainly before marriage?

I am not poly but it’s so good to talk to people who are and are giving me a greater understanding poly isn’t for me
Well, if you already know it for you... then you probably could bow out of his poly network and steer clear.

I think he's jumping the gun -- trying to date right now when his wife isn't even on board. If he has to drive the Bus on to Poly Town, he could at least stop so you can get off decently if you don't want to go there.

Instead he's plunging on. And not just one lady but two. Where's the fire? What's the hurry?

It sounds like a mess in the making.

Proceed with caution and take care of you and the kids. I could be wrong but Hubby sounds a bit reckless right now.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-25-2017 at 03:32 AM.
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Old 11-25-2017, 07:29 PM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,937

Hi Lostlucy - welcome to the forum! As you will have already noted, there's lots of experienced poly folks here - who are usually very friendly and helpful!

Does anyone here have any tips or advice for people who are completely new to this poly lifestyle or better still please tell me my emotions and apprehension are natural
I came to this forum a year ago for very much the same reason that you did - my wife had asked me to open our marriage to poly so she could explore her resurgent feelings for an old college boyfriend (link to full story in signature below). In fact, a great many folks come to this forum for that same reason - their spouse has asked them to open the marriage or transition the marriage to poly. We sometimes refer to it as being "poly-bombed". You are not alone - and your feelings are very natural!

As has already been pointed out by those with more experience than me, you have a number of options - including leaving the marriage, or giving your a husband an ultimatum to drop the whole idea (which very well might also end the marriage), accepting the poly transition and figuring out how to make it meaningful to you, or transitioning to poly yourself as well.

Again, welcome, and best of luck on your new journey! Al
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's

My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
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