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  #11  
Old 01-24-2017, 11:07 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds like you've got some good things going there.
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  #12  
Old 01-26-2017, 03:36 PM
tecklemino tecklemino is offline
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so...

i didnt really expect this, but my wife has taken a sexual interest to my girlfriend. and, my girlfriend is getting pretty excited about it. both my wife and my girlfriend are bi, but they had always maintained that the other is "not their type" when it comes to what they find attractive.

right now, i think its more or less the fact that my wife is bi and has always wanted a girlfriend. the two of them have been chatting for a while now and seem to get along great, i just didnt really expect my wife to take a romantic or sexual interest in her. mainly because my girlfriend is a bit overweight and of a race that my wife has, in the past, said that she is not attracted to.

well, yesterday they were sexting each other all day. my wife even asked me last night if i would mind it if they dated and had sex.

i wouldn't mind at all...

i probably should have seen this coming. i admit, i did not.

i think maybe i should start a thread on it...
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  #13  
Old 04-19-2017, 06:46 PM
tecklemino tecklemino is offline
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So, quick update:

Our girlfriend has been living with us for a month and a half. So far so good. My wife recently got started on some medications that has killed her sex drive, but as they level off her drive is returning. Neither of us are terribly physically attracted to our girlfriend, but we get along great with her and she is doing a lot of work to get into shape. Still, we both have sex with her often.

We really enjoy how much work she is putting into herself. Since I am demisexual, I don't need her to look any specific way for me to be attracted to her. It does turn me on when I see so much effort though. My wife is kinda the same way in that respect. We both love seeing her start doing things she never thought she could, and we love showing her how much we enjoy seeing it.

I feel none of the euphoria of a new relationship ship though. I am an odd one. I cannot crave someone without having a long history with them. I warned E (girlfriend) of this, but she didn't really believe me. It was difficult for her to wrap her head around it... that I can love her without being in love with her at all. My wife (I'll call her A) knows that's how I am and accepts it because I do what I can to let her know that i will choose to love her whether I feel like it or not. She has had 9 years to see that I will not leave her just because I don't feel good about the relationship, but will instead work to improve the relationship and foster trust and intimacy.

To me, it's kinda like leading a team. New relationship energy doesn't exist for me, and my love doesn't fade over time, since I was never in love to begin with. I just get better at being compatible and joyful with those I am close to. I don't really get jealous either.

I don't make an ideal partner for most people because of how I experience emotion; I am sociopathic to a large degree. But with someone with sever abandonment issues, i think it serves me well. When they freak out and think that they have messed up so bad that I will leave them, it's easy for me to genuinely let it go and come up with a plan to get them(and myself) to communicate more effectively so that they can experience joy more abundantly.

I head an odd household. I have three adult females that help provide and make money, another male is going to join us in a year and a half. I also have a 17 year old girl and a 7 year old girl. All under one roof. A woman with bipolar disorder(wife), another with borderline personality disorder(girlfriend), a recovering meth addict(sister), a sociopath like me (niece) and a giggly little girl with ADD(daughter). Soon to have an ex convict(brother in law).

We live, we love, we laugh. We grow our own food, we grow our careers, and we all help each other out.

I'm not sure if I really know what it feels like to fall in love, but I sure do love this bunch of misfits...

Last edited by tecklemino; 04-19-2017 at 07:12 PM.
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  #14  
Old 04-19-2017, 08:50 PM
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Shaya Shaya is offline
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Your story is beautiful and touching. Second chances in life are ... there are no english words for this.

If you run into troubles, feel free to ask for advice. My impression from reading others' forays into polyamory is that polyamory can often sneak in to find the smallest chinks in peoples' armour and work to magnify them a hundred-fold. Longstanding issues that were never problematic enough to even discuss can suddenly become large fights. Not sure exactly why, but that's the way it is, so don't be too distressed if it happens. It's what this forum is for.

Good luck,
Shaya.
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  #15  
Old 04-20-2017, 08:10 PM
tecklemino tecklemino is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaya View Post
Your story is beautiful and touching. Second chances in life are ... there are no english words for this.

If you run into troubles, feel free to ask for advice. My impression from reading others' forays into polyamory is that polyamory can often sneak in to find the smallest chinks in peoples' armour and work to magnify them a hundred-fold. Longstanding issues that were never problematic enough to even discuss can suddenly become large fights. Not sure exactly why, but that's the way it is, so don't be too distressed if it happens. It's what this forum is for.

Good luck,
Shaya.
I am an odd individual. My mother suffers from dissociative identity disorder. I never knew whether she was going to laugh with me, chat, hug, or try to kill me. I was given an insane amount of medication as a child that caused me to not be able to experience emotion correctly until I was about ten. So I never learned how to speak properly or read until I was about twelve. As such, I ended up quite messed up myself. Probably a combination of being emotionally stunted and as a defense mechanism from my mothers insanity.

About 8 years ago, however, I suffered a near death experience and my personality changed. I have not hated people since then. Hearing your time of death announced can do that...

Relationship issues seem easy for me to navigate. Nothing really scares me anymore. I may not feel the euphoria that most people get from relationships, but I do experience a lot of joy from seeing people learn how to live a joyful life.

So I'll take the misfits. They are the most rewarding to engage with. Nothing quite like seeing someone get clean after ten years of meth addiction, knowing that you are the reason why. Nothing quite like knowing that you are the reason that they go on to get the job and life they never believed they could get but always wanted.

People are beautiful.
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  #16  
Old 10-23-2017, 10:06 PM
tecklemino tecklemino is offline
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So, i suppose it is time i updated everyone.

Basically, it failed. My wife was excited about the girl, and so was i. But, after six months of being here, she has not managed to accomplish anything at all. What it comes down to is that she needs to grow up, and she needs to find out what she actually wants. We did everything in our power to help empower her, but she was not interested enough to move from words to actions...

Its kinda sad, but at the same time, not? After living with us for half a year and not making any efforts to accomplish any of her own goals, we decided to give her a six month deadline to find somewhere else to live. We are still going to help her in any way we can to help prepare her to be self sufficient. As it is, she has finally started to progress herself. My wife cannot walk her through it any more since she is going to college for electrical engineering. She wont hold her hand anymore, but that doesnt mean she doesnt care about her.

So, yep, our personalities were not a fit. I told her from day one that i cannot be with someone who needs me for everything, but she did not understand. She had no chance of understanding... her life had lead her to ignore what people say. As such, she was not entirely honest with us and did not believe us at our word.

Which is all fine i guess. My wife and i are no worse for the wear, and we learned that sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is let them go.

She is a sweet girl, she will find someone im sure. I hope for her sake she is willing to continue with her self development.

We are still living together and are still quite friendly. She has about 5 and a half months to get a drivers license and find a place to stay.
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  #17  
Old 10-24-2017, 05:10 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi tecklemino, sorry to hear things did not work out. Hopefully the girl will remember your kindness and it will inspire her. I was wondering, will you keep seeing her after she moves out? as a girlfriend or just a friend? Hang in there.
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  #18  
Old 10-24-2017, 08:36 PM
tecklemino tecklemino is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Hi tecklemino, sorry to hear things did not work out. Hopefully the girl will remember your kindness and it will inspire her. I was wondering, will you keep seeing her after she moves out? as a girlfriend or just a friend? Hang in there.
I am not really sure if i will keep seeing her or not. I am a strange one, i dont feel the need to "close the book" on people, even if i had dated them before and it didnt work out. Right now, she has been dating others. Which is good, i have been helping her weed out the guys who are just looking for a hook up, fake people, etc.

I really do care about her, but i feel no strong emotional connection to her. If she finds someone, i would be more than happy to go out with her on double dates and such, my wife and i and her and her partner. She is a wonderful person to spend time with when she is not caught up with NRE. I really hope she focuses on bettering herself... she has so much to offer, if she would just realize it...

Honestly, if she starts to wake up to the fact that she could do anything she wants, and could BE anyone she wants, ill consider it. And so will my wife.

I think giving her the deadline is the first thing that has motivated her to even attempt it so far. I would like to be able to say that i had a positive influence on the girl...

But as friends, certainly.
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  #19  
Old 10-26-2017, 04:55 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I think it's good that you're still helping her and encouraging her.
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  #20  
Old 11-26-2017, 07:47 PM
tecklemino tecklemino is offline
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So, a lot has happened since my last update...

My sister, my niece, and the friend of the family moved out into their own place. And this has dramatically changed the entire atmosphere in our home.

E has changed quite a bit. Its insane just how much she seems to have matured. Its like things just kinda clicked for her. She has calmed down quite a bit amd has spent a lot more time just enjoying life. And she started opening up to my wife.

My wife, my daughter, and E went down to spend thanksgiving with my parents. We didnt want to just leave her up in NC to spend thanksgiving by herself. Well, my parents love her. My wife, E, and i talked about trying this again, but this time without the drama of my sister and my niece. They really were toxic to our little triad.

E has agreed to distance herself from my niece. My niece has a LOT of growing up to do. She has not been very pleasant company to be around...

My sister hasnt been much better. Oh well. They have their own place now. Time for them to live their lives on their own.

Im looking forward to spending the month of december at home.

Not much surprises me anymore. Lol, when trying to predict the future, the wise man says only "we shall see".
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