redpepper
Active member
When I wrote this morning I was ready to give up. I explained to Mono that what he was going through right now with his retiring from 21 years of service in the Navy is akin to him being in quicksand or jumping into a black hole. His crush on the woman is just part of it.
I feel like I am holding his feet as he plunges head first into his own self-sabotage because of his military career ending. Sometimes I hold on and have others helping me by supporting me, sometimes he is working on pulling himself out too, and sometimes I am not able to hold on and think I should let him go. This morning I was in the letting-him-go space.
I asked that Mono just do the bare minimum to keep me from throwing in the towel. All I need is a few words every day or a touch to let me know that he is still with me. I will fight for what we have created if I know he is with me and not ready to leave all we have created.
There is more at stake here than just him and me. I will fight for LB and PN's sakes also. We all have a good thing going. I am not going to let him destroy it without a fight. I will continue to tell him that he has a responsibility to us, that he will get through this, we will be here all the way and will be here when he leaves his job. We have not changed. He has us to anchor to.
I talked to PN and Brad about it and asked that they please be patient with me for the next few months. I will need help to hold our family together. They can help by listening to me and letting me go to Mono when necessary. They agreed to do that. I haven't talked to Derby yet, but I asked her to read this.
I feel very clear that this is not about his crush; it's a symptom of a larger issue. I hadn't realized that before today, when the onion of our relationship was peeled. He said he had to think about more than just us. That was part of it, but not the whole thing.
Now I have something to sink my teeth into and work towards. I feel strong again. I am going to give him everything I have, because I love him more than ever.
I feel like I am holding his feet as he plunges head first into his own self-sabotage because of his military career ending. Sometimes I hold on and have others helping me by supporting me, sometimes he is working on pulling himself out too, and sometimes I am not able to hold on and think I should let him go. This morning I was in the letting-him-go space.
I asked that Mono just do the bare minimum to keep me from throwing in the towel. All I need is a few words every day or a touch to let me know that he is still with me. I will fight for what we have created if I know he is with me and not ready to leave all we have created.
There is more at stake here than just him and me. I will fight for LB and PN's sakes also. We all have a good thing going. I am not going to let him destroy it without a fight. I will continue to tell him that he has a responsibility to us, that he will get through this, we will be here all the way and will be here when he leaves his job. We have not changed. He has us to anchor to.
I talked to PN and Brad about it and asked that they please be patient with me for the next few months. I will need help to hold our family together. They can help by listening to me and letting me go to Mono when necessary. They agreed to do that. I haven't talked to Derby yet, but I asked her to read this.
I feel very clear that this is not about his crush; it's a symptom of a larger issue. I hadn't realized that before today, when the onion of our relationship was peeled. He said he had to think about more than just us. That was part of it, but not the whole thing.
Now I have something to sink my teeth into and work towards. I feel strong again. I am going to give him everything I have, because I love him more than ever.