AnnabelMore
Active member
May I repeat my question from a couple of posts up? Obviously you don't owe me any answers, but I think this is important to figuring out this situation.
I guess I stay because the sex is so good. And its safer than having sex with a single guy with whom I might get too involved or who might hurt me.
I hope you don't mind my asking this, but does he bring you to orgasm or is it all about him? I'm still trying to figure out what is so awesome about only being allowed to do a few things with a man whom you are not allowed to call or talk to privately. I do hope that you were allowed to come when diddling around with him!Its one of those things I guess. I don't get to have actual sex with him but we do other stuff that is always awesome.
We were actually supposed to hang out tonight and I texted her to confirm and they've Actually gone out of town! That's the last straw. How very inconsiderate. She could have taken two seconds to tell me that...and what if I hadn't asked? I would have ended up sitting at home alone tonight. Like I said, bitch.
And no, I've never asked for his number. I would say its pretty apparent that I am not allowed to have it.
And no, I've never asked for his number. I would say its pretty apparent that I am not allowed to have it.
I guess I stay because the sex is so good. And its safer than having sex with a single guy with whom I might get too involved or who might hurt me.
I hope you don't mind my asking this, but does he bring you to orgasm or is it all about him? I'm still trying to figure out what is so awesome about only being allowed to do a few things with a man whom you are not allowed to call or talk to privately. I do hope that you were allowed to come when diddling around with him!
Oh, yeah, sorry i forgot that part. Still, Cranberry, I would hazard a guess that it isn't really emotional attachment. It's just a lusty, sexual thing, centered on your physical desire for him. Why do I say that? Because would you really be emotionally attached to someone who treats you this way? Remember, it isn't just the wife that treats you like shit. He allows it, so he's just as much a culprit as she is. And you allow it, as Annabel wrote in her post above. You have subjected yourself to their shitty treatment and then you call her a bitch.Cindie, she said he's the first guy who ever made her cum. I can see why that would lead to attachment. He must have good oral and fingering skills...
People here cautioned you against getting involved when your life was falling apart. Someone said they feared you might become dependent. Others told you to stay aware and make sure you take care of yourself.I am concerned that I might not be entering the relationship for the best reasons. I have a feeling that the reason I am so open now to something I wouldn't have considered before is that my personal life is lacking and I am vulnerable and lonely. My family has pretty much fallen apart recently and I had been feeling rather orphaned and alone and unwanted...this couple seems to be filling some of those voids but is that healthy?
This makes me so sad, that your experiences have been so bereft of affection and caring that they hugged you and you thought that meant it was more than just sex. I hope you can see now that it wasn't.Originally, it was supposed to just be sexual but we have gone beyond that.
I have been involved in a series of cold, meaningless sexual relationships with men who were uncaring and indifferent to me. Sadly, because of this, I was surprised when after our last encounter, they talked to me and hugged me. It felt so foreign...and good.
You were confused. Just about everyone on that thread advised you to step up, stand up for yourself, ask questions of them to get clear on things, and to state what you want.She has asked me To go on dates with them and just with him, which hasn't happened yet . . . And if I am going to be not dating or banging anybody else, seems like they would step up to fill the positions . . . Is it possible that I am misunderstanding what "girlfriend" means? Maybe I assume it meant more...but do some people/couples in the poly community use that term for just an exclusive sexual partner?
You responded with "I don't want to be mistreated and won't tolerate it." Then later, your last post in that thread ended with "Done with poly." After that, you started another thread last month looking for advice on finding ways to heal from your past sexual abuse. You said you were "struggling and drowning here."You will need to talk to them both directly and tell them your take on what polyamory is, and what you want out of the deal.
Also,..please remember, it is ok NOT to be negotiable on some things. When someone says to you, ' We don`t want you to have sex with other men.' Yet, you cant have sex with THAT man either, it is your REASONABLE RIGHT to state ; " I respect that you are not ready to share your husband in that way yet, however, I will share my body where I please. I will however, make sure to keep sex safe, and be true to all parties.'
You don`t have to 'ask' permission from anyone, to control your decisions about your own body.
Yes, there are guys out there who are kind, caring, AND generous lovers. Just because this schmuck gave you your first orgasm doesn't mean he deserves an elevated place in your life, especially since he doesn't do anything else that's good and decent for you. He doesn't deserve you.But lots of guys do! Plus, you could get intercourse as well. My lovers always make sure I cum a bunch before getting their jollies. Well, my Os are a large part of their jollies.
This is my basic issue with all "friends with benefits" relationships...it becomes all about the benefits and not at all about the friends part.
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I wish I could just tell him the truth and end things on a nice note but oh well.
Ask yourself what held you back from asserting yourself here... fear of confrontation, feeling like you don't deserve more, feeling like there was no way you would be listened to and that that was ok?
Oh yeah, they disrespected her at every turn and used her like a toy, but she should bring them a casserole? I think if you had really read any of this thread and CranberryStardust's other threads, you would see what lunacy that recommendation is. This is a situation she needs to get out of to save her sanity and self-respect, rather than go and bring meals to these people.Maybe you should return after the kid is born. Perhaps you could help out with some food, or watching the kid, changing a diaper here and there. Just pop in to drop off a casserole or something, don't stay too long.