My husband says he is poly., but Im not sure....

Lucia

New member
Hi.

I am struggling if my husband is really poly.
I red few artical, and its say they love their gfs or wife equarly.

My husband and I just got married, known him 6yrs. I know he likes girls, but I didnt know he is poly.

since we married, he fall in love with other girl who is 20yrs students.
His attention goes to her all the time. he didnt tell me he loves her too, untill we fellin apart. since then he was awful to me. mentally abuse, sexaully abuse, harrasmets.

Now He wants us to live together, but I dont think i can do that. So i said to him, I understand you love her, but I want to have separate life which is me and his, his gf and his.

at the morment, his gf having difficult time. so i try to be understand his attention goes to her. but again he seems to doesnt want to be with me.
he doesnt want to plan for date, having dinner with me, doesnt want to sex with me. not really honest about her. He said he want to be honest about her, but he just hiding about everything such as meet her up or stay her place, chat, etc.
OK, he may try to not hurting me.

but no sending text nor phone call to me...
doesnt feel he care about me...
even I dont know He really loves me anymore....
I still love my hubby to a bits.

does poly poeple do that those thing?

I am sorry if there are spelling and grammer wrong,,,,
I'm not native english....so please ask me if you dont understand...
thank you.
 
Im so sorry to read these awful things have been happening to you.
I am new to this site and am in no way an expert but it seems to me that he is trying to have his cake and eat it. I dont think he is treating you in a way that shows he loves you at all. How does the young girl feel about you being part of their relationship?
 
to MichelleZed

I know I dont deserve to be abused.
I just wondering, if poly poeple can be like him....
I meant, I dont think he did know he is poly,,,, He is also struggling?

well,,, I wasnt really sure thats mentally abuse...
When he said to me move out, If i dont he will, I went to his parents house, and told them about it. His mum said, those are abuse.
Now I feel sorry to him, I shouldnt told about it to his parent....

He is try to nice to me now,,,
He said it was wrong, it was his fualt....
still, gets grumpy and stuff.
because he cant be that much grumpy with anyone else...
 
It's true that one of the good things about being married is that you have someone to be grumpy with. :)

But what kind of grumpy do you mean? What does he do when he's grumpy?

And no, this isn't a "normal" way for poly people to behave. From what I can tell, poly people tend to value respect, honesty, and communication between partners.
 
I don't knowl where you live, but I hope you have people around you who will support YOU because you have bigger problems than whether or not for your husband's girlfriend to move in with you.
 
to Pamelag088

I really dont know what she is thinking about it now.
Before, My hubby said she is struggling that idea of poly-relationship.
but she wants to have long trem relationship with him. and they are in relationship.

she comes in our home when i was not there.
text, phone call, chat to him all the time....
I dont think she care about me at all.
 
to MichelleZed

I know I dont deserve to be abused.
I just wondering, if poly poeple can be like him....
I meant, I dont think he did know he is poly,,,, He is also struggling?

well,,, I wasnt really sure thats mentally abuse...
When he said to me move out, If i dont he will, I went to his parents house, and told them about it. His mum said, those are abuse.
Now I feel sorry to him, I shouldnt told about it to his parent....

He is try to nice to me now,,,
He said it was wrong, it was his fualt....
still, gets grumpy and stuff.
because he cant be that much grumpy with anyone else...
 
to MichelleZed

He is just saying leave him alone, doesnt want to talk to me, i guess.

when he is in mood to talk about it, most the time he is very drunk.
we talk, but things that i dont agree with, he just, start bit shouty, or reject me.
 
to NeonKaos

Iam living in the same house with my hubby.
his gf was live here too, but now she has to move out, becouse i told his mum about it.
that make him grumpy too. basically me and his mum kick her out, thats he thinks.....
He said He cant say to her to stay out house, thats make him unhelpful.
 
you are being used

I think you are wasting your time with this one, so move on and find someone who really wants your love and attention.
Poly is for people who often have a srong relationship but also like to play,like when they were single.
Having experienced being married and playing away,yes it`s great fun and makes you feel very young again but if it is only you that are having the fun,that is wrong.
If your partner wants to play away then ask him if you can too.Be blunt and watch for the fireworks when you ask to be equal.
Unfortunately it appears to me that some poly people like the control factor and that is not what poly is all about as it should be about being equal , accepting you can both meet and even sleep with whom you like.
Poly is really for very strong and confident minded people who ask no questions about each other and tell no lies.Unfortunately it often shows the chinks in your armour instead ie the relationship is not and never has been right.
So move on while you can !
 
Poly is really for very strong and confident minded people who ask no questions about each other and tell no lies.Unfortunately it often shows the chinks in your armour instead ie the relationship is not and never has been right.
So move on while you can ![/QUOTE]

he isnt strong, he admited he is very weak at the morment.
i understand that, cos it is new to him too, i guess.
it may sounds silly to you, but i am kind of waiting for him to be strong, and want to suuport him as much as i can. I dont know if he wants me to.

my friend says a same to you.
he never changes the way his beheavour, just have a cake and eat it.
he just thinks himself, not us.

but again, if he settle to being poly, does beheavour change?
I am struggling either with him or not with him, so I want to more understand poeple are poly.
 
I don't really know what to say. Lucia, you and your husband seem very unhappy together to me. Is that right?

I think you're wondering if his behaviour will change if you agree to a polyamorous relationship. I don't know if it will. But his behaviour to your seems disrespectful and mean, and I don't know if adding another woman into your relationship will make him nicer. I'm just guessing, but I don't think it will.
 
If the only time he is in a good mood enough to talk about it is "when he is very drunk," then it sounds to me like he has a problem with alcohol. That could be the bigger problem.

It sounds like you are very reasonable and open-minded, willing to do almost anything to try and save your marriage. It sounds like you are a very special person who deserves love and respect.

Only you can know when you've reached your limit emotionally, but if you are being physically injured, GET OUT NOW.
 
I don't really know what to say. Lucia, you and your husband seem very unhappy together to me. Is that right?

yes, thats right. we are not happy, as it should be. I try to be happy, cos no point to be dipress, thats make my hubby unhappy.
but I do get tried to try to be happy. and snaped, which i shouldnt.

I think you're wondering if his behaviour will change if you agree to a polyamorous relationship. I don't know if it will. But his behaviour to your seems disrespectful and mean, and I don't know if adding another woman into your relationship will make him nicer. I'm just guessing, but I don't think it will.

He doesnt know what he wants, why he acts like that way towards me.
I dont know his behaviour will change, either way, agree or disagree to a polyamous relationship.
His mum, and our common friend told me he wont change,,,
but you know, you want to beleive the porson you love deeply.
if he wont, we will divorce.....

thank you for give me your opinion, i really appreciated :)
 
If the only time he is in a good mood enough to talk about it is "when he is very drunk," then it sounds to me like he has a problem with alcohol. That could be the bigger problem.

yes, he has problem with alcohol.
we talked about it that no more drink, cos he gets more nasty when he drunk.
in generally he doesnt really talk about it, he can talk about it when he was drunk. so it is luck of commincation problem.

It sounds like you are very reasonable and open-minded, willing to do almost anything to try and save your marriage. It sounds like you are a very special person who deserves love and respect.

thank you say so...
I am not very open-minded yet, cos I dont want to see or talk with his GF at all. Even my hubby think we get on with well.....

Only you can know when you've reached your limit emotionally, but if you are being physically injured, GET OUT NOW.

I was over limit emotional stage yesterday. Made my hubby cry....
I shouldnt be like that.
Do you know the good way to handdle it?
I think i dont handdle emotional very well....
I am not being physically injured, thank you very much for worrys.
and I am very sure if i am being physically abused, I will call police.
 
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