Polycurious

Candide

New member
I don't even really know where to begin this post.

I guess I should say hello I hope this finds everyone in good spirits.

I have someone in my life whom I love very much that has asked me to draw my own conclusions about a poly fidelity relationship.

If it were anyone else I would have probably told her to pound and, but this is a person who I truly believe has shared a part of my soul with her.

Given my past though I find it difficult to open up my heart to others, so I am questioning my ability to open up to more than just her.

I hope this made some sort of sense.

Ciao for now.
 
Greetings Candide,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Don't worry too much about fitting yourself to an exact poly model; polyamory (and polyfidelity) comes in many shapes and sizes. Just give yourself some time for now to learn all about poly, and ponder what you think of it.

We have lots of experienced folks here, so tap into the site's collective wisdom and see what kind of questions you may want to ask. Check out the various threads and boards and see what calls to you.

Perhaps you will just be with this lady and she will have an additional partner? I guess it depends on what she has in mind, but reality has a way of defying expectations when it plays out.

I hope Polyamory.com will help you decide how you'll want to proceed.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
I mean part of me wonders if you see how people treat relationships. Are humans really supposed to be monogomous, or is monogomy just a construct of religion as a way of supressing the masses. If you see how many people get married, divorced, and remarried multiple times you have to wonder if we are truly made for one man one woman relationships.

The only reason I am looking into the polyfidelity model is because it was recently presented to me from a friend, ex gf, and someone with whom I share a deep and very strong connection to. Now while she isn't exactly expressly asking me to join her family, she has suggested I would be a good fit for the poly family she is trying to put together.

While I have previously never before thought about a Poly relationship my interest is peaked.

This will be a journey of self discovery, and may open up a world to a whole new evolution of myself.

Another thing about me. While I have not had an experiance with another male I do have tendancies to have fantasies that involve men. Although it is strange in my latest fantasies it has been all about me pleasing others, and never really got around to thinking about the gratification of myself.
 
You are wondering whether you should have sex with your ex's bf? You're poly curious and bi curious? Have you met him? Do you feel attracted to HIM? You're far from the place where you want to declare yourself fidelitous to your ex gf AND her current bf. Do you even want to take up with an ex again? There must be reasons she is your EX.
 
Definitally a lot of fat to chew on. I know. It seems like a tall order someone who is uninitiated jumping into this kind of a lifestyle.

Yes the reason she is my ex is because I was a moron. I disrespected her in a moment of her vulnerability. When she broke up with me it was more painful than my divorce. I have said that since we had broken up there is a hole in my soul that shares the same shape as my ex. The fact this door is opening up to me has given me a pretty crazy mix of emotions to be honest.

From what she has said the ultimate goal would be a 2M 2F relationship where everyone is involved with everyone else.

Now the bi thing let us just say I have been able to develop attraction to people that I was not initially attracted to. It take time, but it has been known to happen. It just takes me being able to get to know them and seeing what is in their heart. If that makes any sense.

This weekend I am going to visit them all. It is going to be an interesting birthday. Good thing I will have plenty of rum and homebrewed Beer and Mead with me.

As with any relationship it is going to take a lot of communication.
 
Alcohol abuse is not recommended in a case like this. Clear heads is what is needed. You might have sex with both of them and then regret it the next day. Or get all juiced up and belligerent?
 
Re (from Candide):
"Are humans really supposed to be monogomous, or is monogomy just a construct of religion as a way of supressing the masses? If you see how many people get married, divorced, and remarried multiple times you have to wonder if we are truly made for one-man one-woman relationships."

Given the above train of thought, I'd highly recommend the following book:

"Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.

To put it succinctly, everyone doesn't *have* to be monogamous. Polyamory (and polyfidelity) does happen successfully in numerous people's lives.

I would just do as much reading (posting thoughts and questions along the way) on Polyamory.com as possible. In particular I think a search (and/or tag search) for "polyfidelity" might be in order.

I hope your upcoming visit with the ex and her boyfriend goes well.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
It is actually her husband.

It will be an interesting Birthday, but should be fun regardless.

This weekend though I am pretty sure the only sex will will be having will be most likely with Pamela Handerson, or Rosy Palm and their friends.

It is interesting because the first time I engaged in sexual activity with this woman was the morning after being drunk. I remember having a party at my place, and we were all drunk. So drunk that the idea of going down to the beach without securing the food first sounded like a good idea. Freaking racoons ate my steak that I had smoking all day.

Even though I was drunk I still had the presence of mind to know that she wouldn't have wanted it to happen like that, so I let her sleep in my bed while I slept on either my floor or my couch I don't remember that much. I think someone else was crashing on my couch. A rule of my parties if you drunk you stay.
 
That works.

So, who's the birthday person? :)
 
Well, happy B-day bro! Enjoy the adventure. ;)
 
Been reading some articles, and talking with a couple of people about poly. it seems that most of the articles I read express a lot of joy.

Kinda thinking if Divorce, hatred, lies and resentment are becoming the new normal. Then being in a relationship that hinges of communication and love is not such a bad idea. If having love is abnormal then why be normal.
 
I always did think normal was overrated. ;)
 
Met my potential Poly family this weekend, and had an awesome time. It would seem that the group works well together, but I think it may be time to start a new thread in the relationship part of the forum :D I was smiling all the way home on my 7 hour drive.
 
Is this the first time you've met up with your ex gf in quite some time? And first time meeting her husband... Do they have kids already?

Too bad they are 7 hours away. I do hope you aren't already planning on packing up and moving in with them, a la UHaul Lesbians.

What are your plans, besides "having a good time"?

Read up on NRE (new relationship energy) the hormonal flood that can make 7 hours of boring road driving feel like sliding on a sparkling rainbow of wonder.
 
there is no Uhaul lesbian action here lol. They are actually looking to move more local to me next year, so we are going to take the time to really figure out if he and I are emotionally compatible.

It is long road, and I need to make sure my eyes stay open through this process.

It is pretty interesting because the conversations I have been having with my female love interest I have been drawing a lot of conclusions that she has already drawn. Of course there are concerns, but as long as we all communicate those concerns and work through them we should grow. However everything has to be organic, and can't be forced.
 
Say, if you do start a new thread in the relationship section, post a link to it on this thread, okay? I'd like to continue to follow your story.

NRE is quite a wave to ride, but if you do it carefully and read lots about it so as to know of as many pitfalls as possible, you might just ride it to the peaceful end on calm waters.

Sounds so far so good ... :)
 
Checked out the new thread and posted there; thanks for that link. :)
 
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