Changing, Healing, Growing

[nycindie]

A few words of wisdom from some people I used to take workshops with:

1. Whatever you resist, persists and grows stronger.
2. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time.
3. Anything you allow to be exactly as it is will complete itself if you don't judge it.

The focus of their work is self-awareness, self-growth, and living in the moment. Amazing how incredibly simple their guidelines are. Whenever I've put these into practice, great things can happen, or I just feel good and balanced in my life.

[River]

2. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time.

So, I can't put a sandwich and an apple in the same lunchbox?

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by River

2. No two things can occupy the same space at the same time.

So, I can't put a sandwich and an apple in the same lunchbox?

You can even put the apple in the sandwich, but their molecules won't be occupying the same exact space, Silly.

I think that guideline was originally a quote by Isaac Newton or someone like that. But it is true.

Can I really forgive someone while I am holding them in judgment? Can I be truly present and responsive to someone in front of me if I'm preoccupied with thoughts of other things or people? Can I give my full attention to a conversation at lunch if I am texting someone else? Can I feel good about who I am while I am beating myself up over something I did? Can I make decisions that benefit who I am today while I am focused on the past? Can I be my own person while I am resisting being just like my mother?

Multi-tasking isn't really doing two things at once; it is shifting your attention back and forth between two or more things. And being present means being with what is. Those three guidelines really work in tandem, not separately, but they do work. They help me to be able to step back and observe what's going on and respond appropriately to a situation, rather than reacting out of old tapes that get played. The result is transformation -- of myself, the situation, the people around me, or any combination of these. Even all of these can be transformed at once. It takes practice though, and reminding myself. Old patterns of thinking and behavior often get in the way.

BTW, River, the Radical Acceptance book arrived today, and I'm looking forward to diving into it.

[River]

Originally Posted by nycindie

Can I be my own person while I am resisting being just like my mother?

ooooh! I really like this example! It is something I've been really examining in my life -- re-action in the place of authentic action. I can't really be authentic when I'm just reacting to something. That's the thought-/-experience I'm probing, anyway. Reactions are a sort of moving away from something, whereas authentic action / activity / self-expression ... is always moving from one's true (authentic) self, which is free of the whole push / pull dynamic rooted in lack, conditioned fear, etc. We know one from the other because one moves from a core of joy and peace and the other feels yucky. Something like that, anyway.

Originally Posted by nycindie

BTW, River, the Radical Acceptance book arrived today, and I'm looking forward to diving into it.

Fabulous!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by River

ooooh! I really like this example! It is something I've been really examining in my life -- re-action in the place of authentic action. I can't really be authentic when I'm just reacting to something. That's the thought-/-experience I'm probing, anyway. Reactions are a sort of moving away from something, whereas authentic action / activity / self-expression ... is always moving from one's true (authentic) self, which is free of the whole push / pull dynamic rooted in lack, conditioned fear, etc. We know one from the other because one moves from a core of joy and peace and the other feels yucky. Something like that, anyway.

Yes, let's say you make a fist and it represents the thing you are resisting. Then you push against it with your other hand, which represents you. Notice how the fingers of the pushing hand start wrapping around the fist. It takes on the same shape. Pull them apart and your pushing hand (you) is now in the same form as that fist, but just in opposition to it. It's like a mirror image.

So, in resisting and reacting, we find ourselves making decisions (root of that word = cide, which means to cut off, or kill) out of a compulsion to be "not that" -- instead of making a choice (this word's original meanings were to taste or to enjoy) out of a truly authentic desire or what we want for ourselves.

[River]

Edit -- a post slipped in while I was typing! I'll get to it.

Here's a vital bit of wisdom I discovered along the way....

(I read it in a book long ago. Can't remember which book, and only remember it as a paraphrase.)

How your friends treat you (and lovers, too) is how you treat yourself.

This sounds ridiculous on the face of it to many, but think about it. You keep them around. If they treat you badly? What does that say about how you treat yourself? You could walk away, right?

[River]

Originally Posted by nycindie

So, in resisting and reacting, we find ourselves making decisions (root of that word = cide, which means to cut off, or kill) out of a compulsion to be "not that" -- instead of making a choice (this word's original meanings were to taste or to enjoy) out of a truly authentic desire or what we want for ourselves.

Yes! Thanks!

[River]

I said,

" ... whereas authentic action / activity / self-expression ... is always moving from one's true (authentic) self, ... ".

I realized that this could be easily taken the wrong way. It would be better to say:

" ... whereas authentic action / activity / self-expression ... is always moving as one's true (authentic) self, ... ".

This way I don't provide the impression of moving AWAY "from" one's self.

[Charlie]

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown...erability.html

[River]

Was just thinking of you, Charlie. I wanted to say that someone who may have been you attempted not so long ago to "friend" me on FaceBook (FakeBook?) and I didn't respond. I did not respond because I seem to have an alergy to FB. It's not a horrible alergy; it's just that it represents just one more online way I can use up a bunch of time. I have LOTS of time, but I'm trying to hone in on how to spend it best, etc..., etc....

Okay, now I'll make some popcorn and watch this here movie.