Hello, friends.
I'm involved in a newly formed triangle with my monogamous girlfriend of 3+ years, and a new love who is poly (T).
T is also newly poly and has been involved with another man (B) outside our triangle who is monogamous and not accustomed to, or ready to accept, that T is poly. B would rather remain ignorant of T's relationship with me and is currently going with the denial strategy. (Good luck with that, B!)
My problem is that I recently asked T how the sex was with B. Her response was that it was "mindblowingly amazing." Now, I have no problem with T being involved with others. I am not jealous in this way and accept that she is poly like me and free to pursue other loves. But when she told me how good the sex was with B, I felt sort of second-best. She told me that I'm also great and it's just different with me, but I felt like I was being lovingly told that I was good, but B is better. She says that her sexual connection with B is very raw, lustful and high-energy, whereas I am slower and more sensual. My connection with T is definitely good and we have good sex and connect in a deep way during sex, but... I find myself plagued with feeling this silly competitive need to be better, or at least as good as B at sexually pleasing T. I am torturing myself by imagining them having this wild, raw sex and her having a dozen orgasms and being ravenously into B in ways that she isn't with me.
T loves me and loves the deep, spiritual connection that she doesn't get with B. And that makes me feel good. It should be enough for me, I know, but I feel inadequate. I am depressed that I can't inspire that same level of physical/sexual passion and lust that B brings out in her, and that maybe I don't have as much energy or stamina as he does.
I'm a bit disappointed with myself that this is bothering me so much. I thought I had more emotional discipline but seem to have found a weakness. I want to see the same kind of lust and raw passion in T that she seems to have with B. I want to satisfy her as much as B does. Does anyone have any wisdom for me about my need to be the best? I would be immensely grateful... thanks!
-Quin
I'm involved in a newly formed triangle with my monogamous girlfriend of 3+ years, and a new love who is poly (T).
T is also newly poly and has been involved with another man (B) outside our triangle who is monogamous and not accustomed to, or ready to accept, that T is poly. B would rather remain ignorant of T's relationship with me and is currently going with the denial strategy. (Good luck with that, B!)
My problem is that I recently asked T how the sex was with B. Her response was that it was "mindblowingly amazing." Now, I have no problem with T being involved with others. I am not jealous in this way and accept that she is poly like me and free to pursue other loves. But when she told me how good the sex was with B, I felt sort of second-best. She told me that I'm also great and it's just different with me, but I felt like I was being lovingly told that I was good, but B is better. She says that her sexual connection with B is very raw, lustful and high-energy, whereas I am slower and more sensual. My connection with T is definitely good and we have good sex and connect in a deep way during sex, but... I find myself plagued with feeling this silly competitive need to be better, or at least as good as B at sexually pleasing T. I am torturing myself by imagining them having this wild, raw sex and her having a dozen orgasms and being ravenously into B in ways that she isn't with me.
T loves me and loves the deep, spiritual connection that she doesn't get with B. And that makes me feel good. It should be enough for me, I know, but I feel inadequate. I am depressed that I can't inspire that same level of physical/sexual passion and lust that B brings out in her, and that maybe I don't have as much energy or stamina as he does.
I'm a bit disappointed with myself that this is bothering me so much. I thought I had more emotional discipline but seem to have found a weakness. I want to see the same kind of lust and raw passion in T that she seems to have with B. I want to satisfy her as much as B does. Does anyone have any wisdom for me about my need to be the best? I would be immensely grateful... thanks!
-Quin
Last edited: