Possible triad?

nervousguy

New member
My wife bi (more into girls then men), me straight. We have been together for 10 years and a year ago after learning and reading forums such as these I have become comfortable with the idea of another woman in our relationship. I used to be hard strict about being mono with my wife. But being the way I am I want to make her happy, it took a lot of learning and understanding to get to this point. I had to get over the fear of losing my love to someone else. But after 10 years and her longing for female companionship, my fear of losing her to another is gone.

So here is the situation:

A few months back we met back up with a friend we had not seen in a long time. She now spends all her time with us, she is either with my wife, with me or with both of us together. We always go out together with her or she is with one of us. She has been spending so much time with us, we have been treating her as an equal around us. Eg. I am the only one that drives, so my wife and her take turns in the front seat, I get my wife a gift, I get her a gift, my wife gets me a gift and gets her a gift, she gets my wife a gift and me a gift. She has even mentioned the odd time here and there it's like we are a throuple or triad. She even mentioned it to a stranger in public when she was with me, stranger asked if I was her boy friend but she turns around and says she is both my wife's friend and my friend and says we are like a triad.

She has made slight moves, such as one night we were out on the step having a smoke she leaned against me and my wife did too. She started running her hand up my leg to my crotch. But my hand was in between my legs blocking my crotch, she hit my hand and backed off. We would all be sitting around fairly close and she would gently caress the back of my neck and play with my hair. She would gently kiss under my ear where my neck and jaw met, when we dropped her off at home. But one day I asked her if she was attracted to me. She hesitated and said no, she has told us and reminded us several times she does have an anxiety disorder. I don't know if the confrontative question spooked her a bit or not. But she backed off her actions for just a while. Then she started doing the same stuff again after a short time. One time when we all were on the same couch, my wife was snuggled up on my shoulder and her hand resting on my crotch, our friend hesitantly and slowly reached over held her hand and rested it on my crotch too. Her and my wife started playing the grab each other game and she started changing in front of us again when she spends the night.

I am a really early riser even on the weekends. So I heard her wake up she usually sleeps on one of our couches. I heard her wake up and started to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee for her, she did not notice me pass. But she was about to put on her pants then took them back off. I came back with her coffee and she stayed on the one couch in her undies and tank top with her breast half hanging out. We hung out like this for a few hours until she had to go home. We were watching a show on netflix together and her hours have picked up at work, so we have not had a lot of time to hang and watch the show together. She said I could watch it alone but I said no, it's our show she seemed quite happy with that.

I don't know if it's me or not to be honest. I usually seem standoffish. Not one to say much turn around and hug back. Even with our other friends not much of a huger(unless it is with my wife). But she says stuff to me like "I don't want to cross the line with you", she also says she does not really like to snuggle. So I am at a loss on how to proceed. Unless she wants me to make the first move. But I am the kind of guy that respects what a woman would want. I have talked to my wife she does not know how to proceed either.

I don't know if its me not reciprocating the same kind of gestures back to her. Honestly it's quite an odd situation. I don't want to mess it up and I don't want to make our friend feel uncomfortable. But she keeps having this odd behavior around us that would indicate different. My wife is a touchy feel type girl and responds back with no issue at all when they start grabing each others tits ass and playfully kissing each other.

Just a side note she has talked about her past sexual experiences with us, she is bi and she never has had a threesome.

My wife and I do like this woman very much, I honestly never though I could like someone else in the same ways I like my wife.

So, here is my question/s

First off do you people here think she is interested?

If she is interested, is it me being the one not reciprocating the same kind of actions back that might be causing some issue?

Is it just more time that might be needed?

I am kind of lost. Any help would be appreciated.
 
My only answer to your first two questions is to ask your friend.

We can speculate on whether she's interested. She's the only one who knows.

We can speculate on whether your lack of reciprocation is causing problems for her. She's the only one who knows.

I think more time is needed, but more importantly, I think more *communication* is needed. You say you've talked to your wife, but I don't see in your post where either of you has talked to your friend.

She's the one you and your wife need to have a discussion with to find out who's on what page.
 
You are not willing or not able to ask her up front? Something like

"With all the touching and all, is it that you are interested in having a romantic relationship with me? Or wife? Or both? Because to me that behavior is not keeping it in the friend bucket. And it confuses me as to what kind of relationship you want to share with me. Friendship? Or more?"

Galagirl
 
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