So, the cycle of drama can only stop if we do one of two things 1) realize we are all individuals with our own opinions and methodologies of processing, and try not to insist on being Stepford in our dynamic or 2) decide that only one Alpha can exist and the other has to either leave the pack or become submissive to Alpha. That in a nutshell is the source of most of our struggles.
Throw in random jealousy and insecurity (that all 4 of us feel at different times) and two menstrual cycles
and you got the making of one Hell of a soap opera. I just wish I had a better wardrobe and a stylist on staff!
Yep.
It REALLY is a choice.
The key is to choose the positive.
So many little things I've learned reading all these damn self-help books!
1.
Postive people and negative people both spend the SAME AMOUNT OF TIME focusing.
Positive people focus on the positive things-which causes MORE positive things to happen.
Negative people focus on the negative things-which causes MORE negative things to happen..
2.
If we assume that others have the best of INTENTIONS in their choices and actions-it's MUCH easier to forgive them when their actions cause us pain or fail to meet the hoped for objective.
3.
If we accept others for who they are, as they are RIGHT NOW-they are more likely to open up to us.
ONLY when someone is open to us are we able to help them become the best version of themselves that they can be.
ONLY when we are all trying to be the best version of ourselves can we be happy and joyful with who we are.
4.
When we try to control others-it will always fail. If you fell in love with a beautiful Eagle that was soaring across the sky-you won't be so in love with it if you lock it up, because it will no longer be a beautiful Eagle soaring across the sky, it will be a hobbling, lackluster bird in a cage.
Set your lover free to explore the world and choose to help them become a stronger, beautiful, graceful Eagle. They will appreciate your support and likely return the favor.
5.
Change=Growth,
Growth=Change..
Therefore-don't automatically assume the worst when there is a change.
Assume the best-that GROWTH is coming!
Also-don't automatically assume that growth will be EASY-it's going to require CHANGE from you, and from those around you, which is WORK!
I see you 3 write and I smile just a little bit.
When you first came on the board-the drama was palpable. Enough to make a person close the thread and walk away because we all have our own struggles and who has time to deal with someone else's drama-when it's self-perpetuating.
But in the short time you've all been posting, the changes are DRAMATIC.
2rings-I understand what you are saying about feeling like it's "just one more dramatic b.s. game". I feel that way when Maca freaks out sometimes.
But the truth is that breaking old habits takes time and work AND making NEW habits is HARD WORK-but it also requires knowing what habit it is that you are trying to make.
When KT first posted-she wasn't sure what habits she was trying to make, only that the ones she had needed to stop.
This was much like Maca's ex-wife who has stopped drinking and using, but now she's sitting around wondering "ok, so now what? What DO people do when they are clean and sober to enjoy life?"
Kt was saying, "Ok, I GET that what I had isn't going to be anymore, but what DO I get?"
Now she's busting her butt to start building a friendship with MG. That alone-without a shared lover can be a daunting task!
How many of us tried to be friends with someone in our life only to find out that the differences between us were such that it blew up in our faces?
How many of us have gotten in arguments, gotten feelings hurt or otherwise thought we couldn't be friends with someone we THOUGHT we could, and then realized that one or the other of us was just being unreasonable and patched things up again.
Building a true friendship takes TIME and many people can't do it when there ISN'T a shared lover, when there is-well, it's more work.
BUT-they ARE doing it. Seemingly-pretty smoothly too. That IS the first step really to YOUR happiness 2rings.
Because ONLY if they can find peace with one another are you ever going to have peace with them.
Some people CAN have lovers and not be friends, but not people with the personalities of YOUR two lovers. (no offense intended, I can't do it either!)
These ladies are going to have a lot more growth and change to traverse-SO ARE YOU. But it will be much easier if you all three find it in yourselves to hold yourselves accountable personally for always presuming that one another has the best of intentions.
Every one of you is going to do things that hurt the others at some point or another. That's part of life. But if you all KNOW that you all have the best of intentions, those hurts won't break down TRUST. In fact-when one of you gets hurt, you'll be thinking-wow that really blew up in their face. I know THAT wasn't what they were trying for and with your own hurt you will be feeling compassion for the person who hurt you and what they must be feeling having CAUSED you the pain!