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  #11  
Old 03-13-2014, 03:20 PM
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That's a good point about identity. I have read about self-selection - people who refuse to respond to poly surveys out of fear but it hadn't occurred to me that some people may not identify as poly despite certain lifestyle choices.

Although it stands to reason, as polyamory is only one form of non-monogamy.
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  #12  
Old 03-13-2014, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Tiberius View Post
Not sure I like the bit that says, "...they are the most conventional members of the “poly” sub-culture, a group that includes everything from orgy-obsessed swingers to S&M enthusiasts...."

Makes us sound like we're all into weird fetishes or something. I mean, sure, some of us are, but it's hardly a defining feature.
I agree to some extent. I have no urge to "hide" the kinkster portion of the community, but putting them at both ends makes it sound like they cover the whole spectrum, when there are definitely vanilla people as well. It makes poly people seem "weirder", less average, and poly itself seem like a kink. I think the phrasing is not ideal, even including both those group in the sentence it would have been possible to also mention people who are more "average" as well.
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  #13  
Old 03-13-2014, 09:23 PM
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Could be a sign of non-polys having a hard time wrapping their minds around the concept of "plain old vanilla poly." Perhaps in order to do so, they have to coin a special word for that. (Bopo.)
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  #14  
Old 03-14-2014, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Could be a sign of non-polys having a hard time wrapping their minds around the concept of "plain old vanilla poly." Perhaps in order to do so, they have to coin a special word for that. (Bopo.)
...or it could be an attempt to marginalize the lifestyle...

I've read several things by religious conservative bloggers that are more or less attacking the lifestyle and calling it a 'slippery slope' drawing the same parallels they did about homosexuality (because poly can TOTALLY lead to bestiality!).

But in many cases I sense an undertone of jealousy. That's right! Jealous. In the case of someone saying 'bopo' or making it seem like all polyamorous people are hardcore kinksters - or in the religious right's case to make it seem 'evil' - I think they are simply trying to convince themselves that poly is bad bad bad.

In reality, the idea probably resonates with them and they are jealous that they lack to courage to try it or are frustrated because they lack the social freedom to try it. It's like the parable of the fox and the sour grapes. I can't even taste polyamory so it probably sucks anyways! They're all evil/sinners/freaks/deviants!

Anyways, I tend to think of the detractors of polyamory as allies in disguise. They are spreading the idea further and wider. Some of their readers will nod sagely and agree without a further thought. Yup, polygamy is bad. I'm a good Christian/Muslim/Jew so that's bad, next story. But, inevitably, those negative articles will spurn interest and pique curiosity in some and lead them to look for other poly resources. After all, the internet is a big place!
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  #15  
Old 03-15-2014, 12:54 AM
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Sigh... but there is no such thing as "the poly lifestyle."
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #16  
Old 03-15-2014, 02:03 AM
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I agree that people have a knee-jerk reaction against poly, and it shows in the article in question. Part of the problem is that a magazine writer has to "speak the readers' language;" that is, talk about things in a way that will please the readers. So if a writer perceives that public opinion is largely opposed to polyamory, that writer will hesitate to say anything good about polyamory.

I just see this particular article as a marker for how far public perception has improved so far. People still have an attitude problem about poly, but they're starting to calm down about it. Enough to admit -- in their own condescending way -- that "some poly families can look normal." It is far from the fair and equal treatment polyamorists and other minorities desire, but it's hopeful to see some popular trends moving in the right direction. I mean, heck, the fact that they're finally talking about us at all is a good sign. Talking can evolve into a dialog, eventually.

I think bad attitudes about polys and homosexuals originate in the Church (and churches). Professionals like psychiatrists answer more to the Church than they'd care to admit. Observe that homosexuality was once officially considered a kind of mental disorder. That is largely how poly is perceived today, but like Darth Vader when he asserted to Luke that "there is no conflict," there is indeed a conflict and some professionals are starting to advocate a new way of looking at polyamory.

I guess it really is a slippery slope. A slope towards acceptance. People are clashing (violently) over whether homosexuals ought to be accepted. I think that each successive generation will see a new level of acceptance. It may take longer for polyamory to gain the same level of acceptance, but it'll happen eventually. I'm content for now to just watch the mile markers go by.

Oh, I guess I'm not as much of an activist as I should be. I'm not even out to the vast majority of my friends and family. But a few people know, more will probably follow, and I can set a quiet example which is what I try to do. And participating in poly groups is helpful because it helps other poly people know that they're not alone.
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  #17  
Old 03-15-2014, 03:13 AM
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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
I guess it really is a slippery slope. A slope towards acceptance.
That's why I like saying it's not a slope, but a staircase. Every step is a new stair climbed. They all take effort, but they all bring you closer to the top. A slippery slop makes it sound like once you push the person with the first little thing, they'll just slide forever with no effort required. I don't think it's true. We still need to keep working at it, we're just closer to the top little by little.
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  #18  
Old 03-15-2014, 07:44 PM
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Yeah, retaining one's prejudices is definitely the lazier way to go.

Luckily, humans in general are inclined to climb the staircase over time (with up/down cycles).
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  #19  
Old 07-19-2014, 11:57 AM
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Default Umm . . . that abbreviation is taken

Sorry to be reviving an old thread, but the term BOPO came to mind, just now, and I thought I'd see if it had made its way into Urban Dictionary.

Turns out, there's already an entry for BOPO, and it doesn't have much to do with polyamory.

More sort of auto-amory . . .

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=BOPO

Ahem.
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  #20  
Old 07-19-2014, 05:29 PM
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That and several other definitions ... oh well, one more added to the mix.
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