We were both pretty jangled up, emotionally. I was anxious and PunkRock was anxious and we kept each other up the rest of the night. Lots of deep conversation and loving kindness.
We found some issues that had not be clarified - like, my idea of what constitutes being safe sexually and his definition didn't mesh. We should have figured that out ahead of time. I always felt like DarkKnight and I were ok on that, but I had failed to discuss particulars with PunkRock. Holy shit, that sucked. Then, later, when talking with DarkKnight, it turns out he was not aware of certain things either.
Crisis averted, but we have it on the table for later that we need to sit down and hash out what are solid deal breakers when it comes to sexual situations. Both of them were uncomfortable with a choice I made, though for me, it seemed like no big deal. Especially since I had made that same choice with both of them when we were first together. Dudes are all ok with things when it is them, but not when it is others?? Ugh. Still, we are all ok right now and no one wants to go back to using condoms together - especially since it isn't warranted in this instance - but we've agreed to me stopping that behavior until we've discussed more.
I am going to go get an STD test next month. Again, no threats or concerns, but I wanna have a ground zero reading again.
Emotionally, my sex with TriviaCutie did affect PunkRock. It had an impact on me too - I became hyper-sensitive to PunkRock's statements and mannerisms.
He ended up taking Monday off of work (he already had Sunday off) and we spent the entire time together, pretty much. The reconnect was much needed. I had sex 5 times yesterday so I am feeling good.
PunkRock says he didn't take off just for sex though - his move to the basement was the predominant factor.
Honestly, I have no idea where TriviaCutie's head is at. I have told him I don't like ambiguity, and I would like to see him again this upcoming weekend. PunkRock and I went and played trivia last night where he was hosting, and he was affectionate with hugs and shoulder rubs at a couple of different points. It wasn't excessive or sparse either. Appropriate given the venue?
I would like to have a label as to where we are at, but I don't know where to put it and I don't think he does either. I have enough going on that I can't stop to focus at the moment, so I figure for the rest of the week I am going to give him silence and space to work things out in his head. If he messages me, then cool. If not, I think it'd be intrusive for me to bug him.
I think I am sitting on an NRE bubble but I am not jumping off of it yet. I feel like there is so much room for error here. I really don't know what I want. I certainly don't really know what he wants. I know he has a regular long term FWB that he sees once a week that is a dude. I know that he hadn't been with a woman for over a year, prior to me. He said I was great for his ego and I have zero doubt that he thoroughly enjoyed himself. I think I may confuse him a bit though, due to my age and my poly-ness.
We will see how it goes. I don't believe I am in any danger of being hurt yet, if he isn't interested in anything. I am comfortable and happy in my relationships right now. He would be a great play partner or boyfriend, but I am not so involved yet.