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Old 03-02-2011, 07:43 AM
catspaw00tng catspaw00tng is offline
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5
Default :(

Hi again,

I was asking about secondary relationships a few weeks ago, and felt really good about the outcome of my relationship talks with my SO and his wife. But, my SO's wife left him last week. I was in town for a weekend visit, got stuck there because of bad weather and airline issues, and she kicked him out because he asked if I could stay at their house until I could leave, to save money. The breakup was very hurtful; she has an OSO and a new b/f, and she attacked her husband in every way possible on the way out, maligning his attractiveness, his loyalty, his honor, his sexual prowess.... She also sent emails to me saying that she always knew I was trying to break them up and destroy their marriage, etc., and so on. It's been a nightmare.

Now he's grieving, and I don't know what to do. I've been trying to be supportive and be emotionally "there" for him, but I'm back home, 3000 miles away. All I can do is be a voice on the phone, or words on a screen. I don't know what I'm supposed to do... if she had died, I'd know. If he were just a friend, I'd know. But in this case I'm completely lost.

Over the last couple of days he's been really erratic; one minute he's calling, asking me for help and saying he loves me and is grateful for my support, and the next minute he's telling me I'm needy and smothering and he can't "take care of" me.

I'm dealing with other problems with work and family here (elderly parents, surgeries, etc), so my emotions aren't the most stable, and with him a wreck I've got no one to lean on for support for me (especially since I am closeted here - very conservative office, very conservative friends, and a very good chance that my being open about being poly would result in my being jobless and homeless).

Have any of you got any suggestions?

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break up, break-ups, end, ending, grief, manipulation, secondary, triad, triads, vee, vees

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