Have you experienced this?

Was this creepy? One or two of the other nurses thought so, most thought it was romantic. How did it turn out? The next day she sent him an e-mail that simply said "I'm ready to meet you now." They were together for six years after that, and as far as I know, are still friends to this day.

No, it was not creepy. It was a wonderful story. This is kind of what I'm talking about. We've had people here claim "just go up and talk". Seems easy enough (for most people it is easy and natural), while others simply cannot do it that way. Why can't we respect people that need alternative ways of forming relationships instead of calling them for creepy and stalkers?

Same thing if someone starts with some coy shit and you're not into it; say so and ask them to stop. You know, that whole communication thing we're always going on about?

Yes, why can't we just ignore things we are not into?
 
I didn't say it was stalking, I said ithe OP reminded me of a stalker's perspective of their victim's behaviour. Stalkers often believe that their advances are reciprocated or at least wanted, albeit covertly.

Yes, that is a valid objection. I won't deny that if one of the parties is not into the game, it could become stalking if the one playing the game is not reading the signals correctly, or out-right ignores them. But then we no longer have a situation with mutual interest.

Besides, as seems to be common in these situations, the girl in the story had some help of a friend in planning and implementing her behavior. It seems common enough that friends are trying to help out in these situations, even if they sometimes do more harm than good. So I'm sure the girl is very shy and like in Kommanders example is acting coy because of that.
 
Speed dating is an organized event usually held in restaurants and bars that a person signs up and pays for in advance. The organizers set it up so that there is an even number of people and each person gets to talk to everyone at the event for a specified number of minutes. They ring a bell in between each timed round, and the seated people stay seated while the circulating people get up and move on to the next seated person. It can be quite fun, or a total drag, but it's just an organized way to meet people and break the ice without having to play unintelligible and coy peekaboo games that others probably don't even know you're playing.

Sure, it could be a great way for verbal people for making new acquaintances, but then such people already have everything their way so they really don't need it. For somebody that is shy and not so verbal, it's a total drag, and this is the one's that would need additional ways of getting to know people. So, this is only a game for the already advantaged that really don't need it.
 
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I didn't say it was stalking, I said ithe OP reminded me of a stalker's perspective of their victim's behaviour. Stalkers often believe that their advances are reciprocated or at least wanted, albeit covertly.
Yes, that is what you said. I also agree that it is a valid assessment of the situation, and that it is possible that's what this is. From what I can tell, there aren't any disputes here. Stop causing trouble, Marcus. :p

I'm sure many grown ups play these little games instead of communicating in a forthcoming and concise manner. I know some have tried it with me. It's just not my thing. I know how seriously wrong things can go when communication is ineffective so I don't risk it.
I frequently hesitate to communicate attraction or romantic interest. When I do, if the woman isn't interested, or otherwise unable or unwilling to pursue a dating-type situation, things become very awkward and we stop talking soon after. It seems like they're assuming I'm hurt or I won't give up or something and choose to avoid it, which is not the case in the slightest. However, it's difficult to communicate that when I'm pretty much shut out before I get a chance. As a result, my subconscious somehow decided the best way to maintain contact with someone I'm interested in is to avoid the subject of me being interested.

I'm trying to figure out how to not do this. Unlike rdos, I do not find the experience enjoyable and would much prefer direct, open interaction.

No, it was not creepy. It was a wonderful story. This is kind of what I'm talking about. We've had people here claim "just go up and talk". Seems easy enough (for most people it is easy and natural), while others simply cannot do it that way. Why can't we respect people that need alternative ways of forming relationships instead of calling them for creepy and stalkers?
It wasn't creepy because my dad's ex didn't think it was creepy. Looking at it another way, she made it clear she wanted to keep communication electronic-only at that point. She could have seen him showing up at her workplace and sneaking around as crossing a clearly-defined boundary. If that had happened, it would have been creepy. The point was, whether or not something is creepy is subjective and heavily dependent on context.

Yes, why can't we just ignore things we are not into?
It's human nature. We like people who are similar to us and dislike people who are different.
 
I'm trying to figure out how to not do this. Unlike rdos, I do not find the experience enjoyable and would much prefer direct, open interaction.

Well, I also tried to figure it out, but couldn't. I know I'm unable to approach a girl I'm romantically interested in, and I have to pretend it is general socialization if I want pursue it that way. However, even if I had the guts to go up to talk to her, I would still not be able to talk about being interested and things like that, so it would fault anyway.

Today I have simply accepted that I can't do dating the typical way, but that I'm pretty good at the coy game which gives me a lot more satisfaction and also weeds-out incompatible people.
 
rdos, what is purpose of this post? Why did you describe the way you meet/interact with potential dating partners, if you're not asking for advice and opinions on it?

I am confused as to how you and the girl know there is mutual interest if you don't speak or interact with each other. Did you say you have mutual friends helping facilitate the scenario? Because if not, it really does sound like how a stalker perceives what they are doing.
 
I'm mostly looking for people that have similar experiences. I'm not really looking for advice, and I won't post the specific circumstances why I know there is mutual interest.
 
Sure, it could be a great way for verbal people for making new acquaintances, but then such people already have everything their way so they really don't need it. For somebody that is shy and not so verbal, it's a total drag, and this is the one's that would need additional ways of getting to know people. So, this is only a game for the already advantaged that really don't need it.
Wrong! Organized speed-dating, if done the way I described, actually works best for people who are shy or have a difficult time talking to others in a social situation. The organizer rings a bell and someone sits in front of you and introduces themselves. All the preliminary nervousness that happens when you're wondering how or if to approach someone disappears because it's been taken care of. You do that seven to ten times a night and it becomes more comfortable, though it is still possible to have awkwardness and silences - but then the bell rings again and you're free! Very social extroverts who have an easy time walking up to people would probably not need speed-dating.
 
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