Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

This morning I found msgs from 3 guys, one on Fetlife, 2 on okc.

Fetlife one:

Hi
How are you my name is S___ I like your pic n profile and would love to chat witth you Please check out my profile and if it interest you i would love to hear back
Thankx
S___

Ugh.

From okc:

Great profile... you're a really sexy woman. I'm quite attracted to you, any interest in chatting?

B__

Duh.

hey saw your profile, i'd like to get to know you

Blech.

When men on here say they can't meet women, I HOPE they aren't writing first messages like that and expecting any response.
 
Probably the 'be safe, be happy'' part is what irks me the most. But it's really more a gut feeling than something specific, because there is nothing really wrong with this line is there?

Funny! I was thinking the same thing about the "be safe, be happy" making me feel really creepy somehow. Can't even articulate why.

Maybe it's him calling her a "young lady" too. Ick.

I think it's the familiarity of his comment. Those are things you say to someone you know. "Hope all is well" is something you say to a person you haven't heard from in a while and you're checking in. "Be safe, be happy" is something you say to someone close.

Ironically about the "young lady" comment is that he's younger than me, to boot.

I always reply to everything, mainly to maintain my "always replies" status. But it didn't take me long to confirm my own suspicious, that he was a waste of time... and bandwidth.
 
Fetlife one:

Ugh.

Blech.

When men on here say they can't meet women, I HOPE they aren't writing first messages like that and expecting any response.
Not to be a typical dude about it, but what's wrong with those? (#1 and #3) Yeah I'll agree they aren't terribly creative but I don't see anything overtly wrong with them.

#2 is a little too forward, with you on that one, totes.
 
"Ciao, Evita!"
(this was the entire message)

???

I don't look like Evita, am not from Argentina, and neither is he.
 
Not to be a typical dude about it, but what's wrong with those? (#1 and #3) Yeah I'll agree they aren't terribly creative but I don't see anything overtly wrong with them.

#2 is a little too forward, with you on that one, totes.

what's wrong with them (in my opinion, don't know about Magdlyn of course) is that I like a first message to at least acknowledge that the person messaging me, read my profile. The ones quoted here can be copy paste ones that these guys send 50 times a day. It shows no effort that they would want to gt to know me.
 
This morning I found msgs from 3 guys, one on Fetlife, 2 on okc.

Fetlife one:
Hi
How are you my name is S___ I like your pic n profile and would love to chat witth you Please check out my profile and if it interest you i would love to hear back
Thankx
S___
Ugh.

From okc:
Great profile... you're a really sexy woman. I'm quite attracted to you, any interest in chatting?
Duh.

hey saw your profile, i'd like to get to know you
Blech.

When men on here say they can't meet women, I HOPE they aren't writing first messages like that and expecting any response.
Not to be a typical dude about it, but what's wrong with those? (#1 and #3) Yeah I'll agree they aren't terribly creative but I don't see anything overtly wrong with them.

#2 is a little too forward, with you on that one, totes.

Well, the obvious glaring issue is that none of them indicate that they actually read Mags's profile at all. It is not enough to say you liked someone's profile, pick out an item or two from it and comment on it - it's called starting a conversation! That's what makes all of them look like form letter messages that they copy and paste and send to everyone - they probably blast everyone with the same crappy note.

Furthermore, they don't share anything about themselves! AND the first one would turn me off even more because he sucked at spelling and proofreading. Make a good first impression, for crap's sake!

The second one only indicates he finds Mags attractive but nothing else, so it's doubtful he even read her profile at all. Seriously, would a woman jump at the chance to respond to a guy who's just looking at pictures and not trying to discern whether a person might be a match personality-wise? Substance, guys, substance is what women want!

And the last one sucks because it doesn't indicate anything at all, nothing about himself nor what appeals to him about Mags. WHY does he want to get to know her? Sheesh, just because he wants to know her, she should be all "oh great" and want to know him? And no punctuation or capitalization? Egad.

Such carelessness and narcissism. Blech is right.

I can't believe we had to spell it out for you, Helo.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I received this message on OKC today:

Hi,

How are you? How was your weekend! I'm D____. How's this site treating you? I'm pretty new on here...

I consider myself sincere, thoughtful & yet aggressive, dominant & passionate at the same time.( if that makes sense!:)

I'm drawn to smart, mature, curvy, opinionated, strong minded Woman with a submissive & kinky side:)

Hope to hear from you...

Best,
D​
And my profile clearly states that I am NOT into BDSM. <sigh>
 
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what's wrong with them (in my opinion, don't know about Magdlyn of course) is that I like a first message to at least acknowledge that the person messaging me, read my profile. The ones quoted here can be copy paste ones that these guys send 50 times a day. It shows no effort that they would want to gt to know me.

Well, the obvious glaring issue is that none of them indicate that they actually read Mags's profile at all. It is not enough to say you liked someone's profile, pick out an item or two from it and comment on it - it's called starting a conversation! That's what makes all of them look like form letter messages that they copy and paste and send to everyone - they probably blast everyone with the same crappy note.

Furthermore, they don't share anything about themselves! AND the first one would turn me off even more because he sucked at spelling and proofreading. Make a good first impression, for crap's sake!

And the last one sucks because it doesn't indicate anything at all, nothing about himself nor what appeals to him about Mags. WHY does he want to get to know her? Sheesh, just because he wants to know her, she should be all "oh great" and want to know him? And no punctuation or capitalization? Egad.

Such carelessness and narcissism. Blech is right.

I can't believe we had to spell it out for you, Helo.
I think you're both drastically over-estimating how much thought goes into these messages from the guy's perspective.

Like I said, #2 needs to be punched squarely in the dick just on principal and I will agree #1 and #3 are little un-creative but aside from that I don't really see anything so horribly atrocious that you cant bang out a ten second response. Considering how rare it is to get a response as a guy, I wouldn't be stunned if those are copypasta.

I just get irked when someone draws up an entire psych profile on another person based on less than a handful of information. #1 and #3 could very well be halfway decent guys who just aren't Shakespeare. The odds are somewhat against that possibility, I'll give you.
 
I think you're both drastically over-estimating how much thought goes into these messages from the guy's perspective.
No, that's the problem. They're estimating correctly how much thought went into the responses- none.

I don't really see anything so horribly atrocious that you cant bang out a ten second response. Considering how rare it is to get a response as a guy, I wouldn't be stunned if those are copypasta.
It's like writing a cover letter for a job. If you put thought into it and make it specific to that company, your odds of a positive response increase. If you really want a response from me, then you have to show me that you actually want to get to know ME, not just anyone with a vagina. Why on earth should I waste even 10 seconds responding to something that generic??

I just get irked when someone draws up an entire psych profile on another person based on less than a handful of information. #1 and #3 could very well be halfway decent guys who just aren't Shakespeare. The odds are somewhat against that possibility, I'll give you.
Fine, maybe they're halfway decent guys. Maybe they aren't narcissistic, just lazy. Doesn't mean I owe them anything, even a response. I'm still not gonna bother responding to every halfway decent message. Rather than wasting my time on those, I'll save my time and energy for those who actually pique my interest.
 
hullo Helo,
;)
I'm not drawing up a psych profile, I'm just saying to myself, well, he clearly hasn't bothered to get to know me (which he's indicated by not noting anything he read in my profile), and there's absolutely nothing there to inspire me to write back.

OKC, in particular, asks a lot of a profile. That I took the trouble to answer all that stuff, with thought and feeling, is gonna require more from a guy than an uncreative looks-like-a-copy-pasta message to get a reply from me. I don't feel any obligation to 'bang out a 10 second response.' That's not why I put up an ad. If he can't be bothered to try to present himself in the first message, why would I imagine he'll get 'better' later?
 
Haha! I was just getting ready to say "JINX!" or "what NR said!" :p
 
hullo Helo,
;)
I'm not drawing up a psych profile, I'm just saying to myself, well, he clearly hasn't bothered to get to know me (which he's indicated by not noting anything he read in my profile), and there's absolutely nothing there to inspire me to write back.

OKC, in particular, asks a lot of a profile. That I took the trouble to answer all that stuff, with thought and feeling, is gonna require more from a guy than an uncreative looks-like-a-copy-pasta message to get a reply from me. I don't feel any obligation to 'bang out a 10 second response.' That's not why I put up an ad. If he can't be bothered to try to present himself in the first message, why would I imagine he'll get 'better' later?
I totally see the wisdom in that and on some level I do agree with it...but then I start thinking about a young lady when I first joined OKC.

She was very nice but her first message was just terrible. It was two incredibly awkward sentences that must have been created by hacking up a dictionary, chewing it up with a swish of wood-grain alcohol, and spewing the whole mess out onto a page. Her profile also wasn't really that eye-catching and I just was completely uninterested but I was at that "first few weeks" stage that you're at when you want to respond to EVERYBODY.

I sent her a very quick message, essentially that I'm sure she was a great person but she just wasn't what I was interested in. She responded a few days later with a really heart-felt message which basically said that she had been sending out messages for weeks and gotten no response and that she was very happy to get a nice response, even if it wasn't of interest. She was just very appreciative and it made her feel a little more human to get a polite response.

Since then, I've endeavored to respond to every message I receive even if its lackluster. It takes me maybe a minute, costs me nothing, and it really does give the other person a good feeling. It also helps people not get burned out on the site or discouraged and like I said, it costs you nothing.

So I dislike just stamping REJECTED on lackluster messages unless they're really over the line. #2 is very close to that line.
 
Helo, that's a kind thing you are doing responding to folks who message you on OKC. Good on you. In an ideal world that is what everyone would do.

However...

In online dating, there is no obligation to respond back. Why? Well, think about how many messages you get on OKC in a week. Don't tell me - just keep that number in mind. Ok, got it? Good. Now you just became a woman - Hela.

Your messages just tripled. Oh you are young, able bodied, and conventionally attractive? Quadrupled. Photogenic? In a major metropolitan area? Interested in casual sex? BDSM friendly? Submissive? Add a order of magnitude increase for each. You can see how many women - maybe most women - get overwhelmed with messages. And even if you are none of these, you will still get more messages as Hela than as Helo. (Create a dummy profile just like yours but flip genders - it will prove the point.)

It is nice to respond but I am under no obligation to do so.

Finally there is the Law of getting with Opalescent - Thou shalt not bore me. These messages are dull. They tell me nothing about the sender - and give me no reason to find out more. Not being dull does not have to be exotic. I don't need 'I winter in Casablanca and summer in my apartment above the Louvre while pursuing my passion of miniature horses.' A simple I like dogs too and they did such and such funny thing recently is more than enough for me to hit 'reply'.
 
I think you're both drastically over-estimating how much thought goes into these messages from the guy's perspective.

Oh, so you're basically saying "we guys are all thoughtless and lazy and that's the best you can expect." Don't lump all guys into that category, because it simply isn't true. Any guy with whom I've connected via OKCupid very obviously put thought into his messages, wrote at least a paragraph or two, showed that he read my profile, and exhibited not only a sense of humor but intellect and an understanding of grammar and how to communicate. I have no desire to reply to or meet with anyone who doesn't meet those basic requirements. It would not even matter if he is very good looking or if our match percentage is very high, if he isn't smart enough to know he should make an effort to entice me.

Those messages Mags quoted sucked, pure and simple, and do not deserve responses.
 
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In online dating, there is no obligation to respond back. Why? Well, think about how many messages you get on OKC in a week. Don't tell me - just keep that number in mind. Ok, got it? Good. Now you just became a woman - Hela.

Your messages just tripled. Oh you are young, able bodied, and conventionally attractive? Quadrupled. Photogenic? In a major metropolitan area? Interested in casual sex? BDSM friendly? Submissive? Add a order of magnitude increase for each. You can see how many women - maybe most women - get overwhelmed with messages. And even if you are none of these, you will still get more messages as Hela than as Helo. (Create a dummy profile just like yours but flip genders - it will prove the point.)
Even if you're getting upwards of eighty messages a week, filtering out the sleazy messages and copypasting a basic "thanks but no thanks" takes a few seconds and it helps prevent the shotgun scatter type messages that are so common.

It is nice to respond but I am under no obligation to do so.
I never said you were but I think its better for people in general if you at least make an attempt.

Oh, so you're basically saying "we guys are all thoughtless and lazy and that's the best you can expect." Don't lump all guys into that category, because it simply isn't true. Any guy with whom I've connected via OKCupid very obviously put thought into his messages, wrote at least a paragraph or two, showed that he read my profile, and exhibited not only a sense of humor but intellect and an understanding of grammar and how to communicate. I have no desire to reply to or meet with anyone who doesn't meet those basic requirements. It would not even matter if he is very good looking or if our match percentage is very high, if he isn't smart enough to know he should make an effort to entice me.
I'm saying that a chronic mistake almost all people make is over-think what other people thought when doing something.
 
Even if you're getting upwards of eighty messages a week, filtering out the sleazy messages and copypasting a basic "thanks but no thanks" takes a few seconds and it helps prevent the shotgun scatter type messages that are so common.
How does an answer to one person help prevent anything from anyone else?

Sure, I send a "Thanks but not interested" message from time to time, but even those go to people who put thought and care into their communication with me. Really, the abundance of messages that only contain "hi how r u" or "nice eyes" or "mmm let's chat" can be mind-boggling. Who has time or energy to send replies to people who are such obvious dead ends?

You don't seem to understand that answering messages like the ones cited does absolutely no good. We don't have to write back if we don't want to. And it goes both ways. I take my time and compose very thoughtful messages and, certainly, only a small percentage of guys I write to ever respond back. <shrug> No skin off my nose. And most of the people that write me get Blocked and Hidden immediately. It's a crap shoot anyway, not a big deal. You can't get your hopes up that anything will come out of it, but yet you still have to make a good, intelligent effort (it's called putting your best foot forward) and figure that if something good comes out of online dating, it's a rarity.

I'm saying that a chronic mistake almost all people make is over-think what other people thought when doing something.
Huh? I'm not sure what you're saying here at all.

Are you just defending guys who don't take the time to read profiles or write and proofread their messages, as if that is what they're all doing and no more should be expected? I don't get it. This thread is a hilarious goldmine of info on what not to do and what people look for in intro messages - have you read it from the beginning? There are some real doozies! Oh I have laughed hard reading this one. Yes, admittedly, it was created to poke fun at the eejits who send really lame or weird messages but I believe that somewhere here there is also a thread where we helped people to edit and tweak their profiles and messages, with examples of really good ones we've received.
 
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I got a super creepy message yesterday. Someone from 1600 km away and just 37% match. He mentioned severed limbs and stealing from his girlfriend in the first paragraph. But he showed that he had read my profile, looked for common interests, and wrote a message based on that.
So he got a response, which was about not being interested, but I appreciate the effort he made into writing a real message and "rewarded" it with a polite answer.

If he would have just written a "hi how r u" message, effort is zero and deserves zero effort in return. Even just a "thanks but no thanks" is more effort than what copy-pastying message writers expend. So why should I make more of an effort than they did in the first place?


Hint for first contacts: don't mention severed limbs and blood in the first message unless the person you are messaging expressed interest for these topics in their profile. It's creepy.
 
I don't receive these stereotypical introductions you gals all complain about. Nearly every message I receive is personal and mentions something specific from my profile. The frequency is better measured on a "per month" scale than "per week." Thus, I reply to all of them. I've received one generic message in the past year, suggesting I come over that night, to which I just replied "lol" and never heard back. Took me about 2 seconds.

Maybe it's the fact that my main picture is me wearing a tinfoil hat. Or maybe it's that I'm not your stereotypical "cute chick." Whatever it is, my profile seems to have a jerk filter.

Considering how rare it is to get a response as a guy, I wouldn't be stunned if those are copypasta.

I'm still not gonna bother responding to every halfway decent message. Rather than wasting my time on those, I'll save my time and energy for those who actually pique my interest.

How about just respond:

"generic response to generic greeting" and see if they catch on...
 
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