Ravenesque
Member
I've felt marginalized by both the poly and "mainstream" communities because of my age. Many mono folk think I'm in "a phase" or "testing the waters". I've even had one person say that "You're not really poly, you're just... not sure what it is you want".
Within this thread alone, young people have been described as bragging, emotionally immature, not respecting their bodies by being sexual, not having experience or knowledge of a "rich" nature etc. These have been offered as reasons not to date or have sex with young people or join groups created by them.
Though these descriptions may be attributed to human beings of any age, it is being overwhelmingly laid on young people here. Only within this forum and within this thread. Does anyone else think views like this are restricted only to this space?
There are many who believe such dismissive and condescending attitudes towards younger people is perfectly justified. This is a bite of it.
I've also felt marginalized by the older poly communities because my idea of healthy relationships don't include "families" and children, both things credited to me being "young and naive" apparently. Also, partly because my idea "structure" seems to be evolving. Specifically, I feel as if I'm moving away from the "primary/secondary" structure and some people seem to think this evolution is indicative of being... whatever it is they think it is.
Oh dear. I've encountered this as well. And the oft encountered "you may find you change your mind when you get older and experience more" i.e. you'd make the same decision as they did when you reach their age. Acknowledgment and respect for your views are not given only haughty dismissal and devaluation of your perspective. I've watched incredulously as one who was older than me clung to age and "experience" as the foundation for disagreement in a discussion only to completely change tune when the same view I expressed was given by another closer in age. Suddenly age and experience were not the center of the rebuttal and the ideas put forth were finally engaged.
Poly In The News highlighted young polys, many of who are organizing on the college level and developing their relationships from the start with all knowing that it would be open in nature. It is the approach I have taken with all of my relationships even from before I knew what polyamory was. Non-hierarchical polyamory fits me best and I don't subscribe to notions of veto. Naive popped up because of my views on this and charges that I'd change my mind with age and experience of course. Parallels are often made equating younger with idealistic and older with realistic, the former being described as a negative and the latter being described as a positive. The same occurs with inexperience/experience and wisdom. These concepts do not inherently link to each other. It is possible to have an unrealistic and unwise older person with loads of experience. There is a clear bias in regards to young people here.
In regards to experience, I'd take a quality over quantity approach anytime. And quality and value is in the eye of the beholder.
The negative experiences I have had have not been with those for which family and children are very important in their life. It is has been with those who take a rather conservative stance generally in connection to family and children and how that relates to their polyamory. It's another case of some poly people are this and some poly people or that. Some poly people with families are open minded and progressive and some aren't. I wouldn't drag a broad brush across all poly people with families and children generally though.
~Raven~
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