Hello,
I have been with my partner for 4 years, first in a monogamous relationship but he was unfaithful after 18 months and we had a discussion about being in an open relationship. He said it was purely about sex and having the freedom to be in a purely sexual relationship with other people. I agreed and we set some boundaries, primarily that if feelings started to develop then we needed to take another discussion.
Over the last 2 years, he has had a consistent friend and I don't have an issue with that, I also have a friend who I see a lot less frequently and I have been clear with that friend from the start about my circumstances. My partner led his friend to believe that he was in a monogamous relationship with her in the beginning and this led to friction. He then said he had taken a conversation with his friend and let her know that they were not monogamous and he had a partner and she agreed to keep seeing him.
I have discovered over the last 2 years that he spends entire nights with her which makes me uncomfortable but I have accepted that. I have recently discovered that he has keys to her apartment (he says she doesn't know anyone else who can keep spare keys for her) and I have found out that she on social media with him - now it makes sense that he would never accept posts I tagged him in.....
I have met my partner's family and friends, we travel together and we have a good relationship. My issue is that he seems to have created blurred boundaries - to me, his secondary relationship isn't just about sex. He says it is, it's not about HER, but about the freedom she represents. I don't understand then why I am having to be hidden away from her i.e. can't tag on social media, etc in order to protect the relationship with her.
I would welcome the forum's views on this. Am I over-reacting? I feel like he changed the boundaries without the courtesy of a conversation with me and I have become one of two partners to him. I feel that his secondary relationship is no longer just about sex and I feel threatened by this.
I have been with my partner for 4 years, first in a monogamous relationship but he was unfaithful after 18 months and we had a discussion about being in an open relationship. He said it was purely about sex and having the freedom to be in a purely sexual relationship with other people. I agreed and we set some boundaries, primarily that if feelings started to develop then we needed to take another discussion.
Over the last 2 years, he has had a consistent friend and I don't have an issue with that, I also have a friend who I see a lot less frequently and I have been clear with that friend from the start about my circumstances. My partner led his friend to believe that he was in a monogamous relationship with her in the beginning and this led to friction. He then said he had taken a conversation with his friend and let her know that they were not monogamous and he had a partner and she agreed to keep seeing him.
I have discovered over the last 2 years that he spends entire nights with her which makes me uncomfortable but I have accepted that. I have recently discovered that he has keys to her apartment (he says she doesn't know anyone else who can keep spare keys for her) and I have found out that she on social media with him - now it makes sense that he would never accept posts I tagged him in.....
I have met my partner's family and friends, we travel together and we have a good relationship. My issue is that he seems to have created blurred boundaries - to me, his secondary relationship isn't just about sex. He says it is, it's not about HER, but about the freedom she represents. I don't understand then why I am having to be hidden away from her i.e. can't tag on social media, etc in order to protect the relationship with her.
I would welcome the forum's views on this. Am I over-reacting? I feel like he changed the boundaries without the courtesy of a conversation with me and I have become one of two partners to him. I feel that his secondary relationship is no longer just about sex and I feel threatened by this.