Confused and scared to lose...

gman418

New member
I am currently in a monogamous relationship with a female but have recently began to feel more and more polyamorous. The reason I feel this way is because I feel that I care for people I consider as close friends and sometimes become sexual attracted to them and want to show affection. Being in monogamous relationships for the majority of the last 8-9 years I have never had the opportunity to be single and mingle. This has led me into many situation in which I would cheat on my partner. I never stop loving or caring for the partner but always felt the urge to show someone else love and care in a similar way. When I found out within the last year that this was not something I felt alone I began to look into it more. I was so scared to tell my partner that I kept pushing it off. Then I got caught cheating. She decided to stay with me but ignored my polyamorous feelings and I understood it was a bad time to bring that up. Although I still love this partner and do not want to lose them I do still feel that I should explore being in an open relationship and explore polyamory. Anyone have any suggestions of what to do? I do not have many people around me to talk about this that will understand how I feel...
 
Hello gman418,

I think you should sit down with your partner and tell her that you are polyamorous. Then you'll need to decide whether the two of you should stay together or split up. What will you do if she says, "Well I am monogamous, and I will break up with you if you do anything poly?" Now's the time to start thinking about that. Are you willing to give up poly for her? Are you able to give it up? or will you just cheat again? These are important questions to ask yourself.

Perhaps you are wondering how to convince her to be poly (or poly-friendly). You can have her read Franklin Veaux's Poly FAQ, that sometimes helps. And study up and read more on poly yourself, so that you can answer her questions and address her concerns. But really, there is no guaranteed way that I know of. The ultimate decision to accept poly or not is up to her.

But start by telling her that you are poly.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
It sounds like you want to stop cheating. And you want to live more authentically.

She decided to stay with me but ignored my polyamorous feelings and I understood it was a bad time to bring that up. Although I still love this partner and do not want to lose them I do still feel that I should explore being in an open relationship and explore polyamory.

Sometimes there just is no "good" time. So the conversation must happen at whatever kind of time this is right now in order to move things forward. Cannot put it off forever.

I think you could tell your partner that you want to be in an Open relationship and explore polyamory. If this is not for her, you understand. Then part ways peacefully.

Heal from the break up, and then move forward with the resolve to be more authentic and honest in future relationships.

Galagirl
 
Back
Top