Long distance love

^I'm the same way to you, I don't really like talking on the phone. I can do it, if needed and it's easier with somebody you're very close with. Weirdly enough, I find it a lot easier to focus when talking on skype, even if I'm not using a webcam. I don't know why that is, though.

I'm in an LDR and skype is a must. While textual communication is nice and really important, some things just aren't well communicated by that only. I notice that I can't emphatise as well if I read about feelings (unless somebody is an exceptionally talented writer), I think the feeling is best communicated in the tone of voice etc. when you're talking. Also, I have a problem with "understanding" time in written text: if a person writes about what they will do on Monday, I can't seem to connect it to an actual Monday, you know, the same one I'm living in a few days. I do have some trouble with it on skype, too, but not nearly as bad.
 
There is valuable information in the beginning of this thread, which I revived because when I deliberately searched for threads about long-distance relationships I chose the one that seemed to have the most pertinent information in it for my situation, so I wouldn't start a new thread.

The questions she asked in the first post were exactly why I chose this thread to resurrect:

I've seen a few people mention that they're in long-distance poly relationships and I'd love to hear about how they work for you. . . . I know I'd feel more connected if I knew that we had time reserved for talking with each other and catching up.

What other agreements do people have that make LDRs more smooth? How do you handle them? What benefits do you get from your relationship if regular physical intimacy isn't possible?

This was the spirit of information I was looking for, despite the tangents that took place. Mods, please reunite the threads. Posters, please stay on topic. Thanks!
 
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Mods, please reunite the threads. Posters, please stay on topic. Thanks!

In my many years of participation in online forums, the general consensus which has emerged about "staying on topic" is this.:

~ Normal conversations in face-to-face settings often tangent and then return to the main thread.

~ This can and should happen in online conversations, just the same.

So while I think it is good to honor the title/thread/topic, it's really up to everyone involved to see to it that a topic stays on course, even while allowing for some tangents here and there. No one or two parties can be blamed if a topic wanders off and gets lost.
 
River, what happened just now was that the thread was split and it had NOT gone off-topic. They have been merged back together and all is right with the world again.
 
Weirdly enough, I find it a lot easier to focus when talking on skype, even if I'm not using a webcam. I don't know why that is, though.

Same here, although with several people I can get the same feeling again.
I think Skype is more comfortable because a) I can hear it with both ears and b) I have a physical thing to look at and something to occupy my hands.
 
I'm in an LDR and skype is a must. While textual communication is nice and really important, some things just aren't well communicated by that only. I notice that I can't emphatise as well if I read about feelings (unless somebody is an exceptionally talented writer), I think the feeling is best communicated in the tone of voice etc. when you're talking.

I can second that. Having been apart from my wife for several months straight, skype is a godsend. Even skype can be a source of misunderstanding with it's strange time lags now and then, but the clear voice and even pixelly video is a lot better than e-mail or international telephone lines.
 
I'm 3 weeks into the LDR with Mya (well, technically we've been in LDR the whole time, but now the distance is a lot greater). I've had a few times when I've really missed her A LOT, but otherwise I'm actually surprised at how easy it has been. I had faith that we could do it, but I thought it would be harder, since we got to see each other so often during the summer and got used to it.

It seems both of us have personalities which work for LDR, and our relationship has those kinds of aspects to it, too. I think we have a good balance. Both of us are pretty independent and have many things in our lives we enjoy and that occupy our time. But our relationship is also a priority for both of us, and we gladly make time for each other. Additionally, while physical touch is really important and pleasurable in our relationship, both of us also enjoy talking about all kinds of stuff, and feel that talking reconnects us in a major way. I think that's essential in an LDR.

I'm really glad that I'm able to give very little attention to the distance in comparison to how much our love enrichens my everyday life.
 
There are multiple kinds of possible Long Distance Relationship (LDR).

~ (a) LDRs at a smallish distance, say 50-100 miles.

~ (b) LDRs at a great distance, say 500 - 2,000 miles.

~ (c) International LDRs with oceans to cross to visit.

~ (d) LDRs where the people involved met face-to-face and established a relationship in f2f prior to the geographical distance.

~ (e) LDRs where the people involved met online, by mail, or by telephone and developed their relationship in this way prior to meeting f2f.

~ (f) etc.

For the first time in my life I'm experiencing a "romantic interest" LDR of the type
b-&-e. Previously, I've had two strong friendships (not romantic interest) of this type (b-&-e).

We're months into it, and we really like each other a lot. And we're about to finally meet f2f, soon.

Strangely, the fact that this relationship is with a woman, and that the overwhelmingly greater amount of dating/romantic experience I have is with men, is a smaller matter for me than the type b-&-e factor. What I mean is that the type b-&-e factor makes this
more unfamiliar than the "What? River is dating a woman?" factor.

I feel so very, very close with her! Never have I felt so close with a woman. And we definitely do love one another. Yet we have in some sense not officially "met". And yet we are intensely intimate and involved in one another's lives daily.

What analogy? Building a model ship in a bottle, breaking the glass and sailing the ocean? Planting magic beans and growing a vine up into heaven, then climbing?
Nothing seems analogous. This is so familiar and yet so strange.
 
^So familiar and so strange seems to be the feeling of a lot of things when exploring new territory, for me too. Poly has felt that way, and also LDR. It's strange, because it's different, yet the connection feels familiar and comfortable and right. Of course, this is also my first relationship with a woman, but our situations are different in that because I make intimate connections easier with women.

Your categories made me smile since, as with many things in life, it seems I can't fit in. :) I'd say it's both b&c AND something in between of d&e. We got to know each other and became friends via Internet but had no romantic inclinations until I travelled to meet her. Thus, it was an LDR from the beginning, but it was type a for the summer... So there has been a lot of developing the relationship both f2f and via Internet. Gets complicated. :p
 
I am resurrecting this thread because I have a practicality question.

I am in a position where my marriage may need to become an LDR for some length of time (3-5 years). Kids' ages at home age range from 17 to 12.

I am a big believer in family/communal meals. If it does come to pass, I'm considering setting it up to make it as easy as I am practically able, to skype from the dining area. The thought is to coordinate meals so that we'd be eating and skyping at the same time.

Does anybody have experience skyping during a meal? Is it practical, or does the eating get too distracting? Is it too artificial?

Thanks!
 
My husband and I have spent up to a year living in different places. I've never tried to skype during a meal thing however morning coffee over skype works well. My kids are also a lot younger and had a hard time sitting still when daddy was on the computer so we found that the computer room was a better place for family skyping. That way they could show off and not have to sit still and eat. :)
 
I am in a position where my marriage may need to become an LDR for some length of time (3-5 years). Kids' ages at home age range from 17 to 12.

I am a big believer in family/communal meals. If it does come to pass, I'm considering setting it up to make it as easy as I am practically able, to skype from the dining area. The thought is to coordinate meals so that we'd be eating and skyping at the same time.

Does anybody have experience skyping during a meal? Is it practical, or does the eating get too distracting? Is it too artificial?

I don't know about the kids since neither of us have them, but me and rory regularly eat when we skype. Usually it's just because our skype sessions are so long that we get hungry during them so we have to eat if we want to continue talking. :p But I do think it's nice to do that. :) It makes me feel like we're sharing our everyday life more. So I think your idea sounds good. It may feel a bit silly in the beginning but before you know it starts to feel natural. :)
 
Lin and I communicated via skype for years. It becomes really normal and we moved the camera from the living room to the study to the kitchen and back again. We did everything 'together' that way. The most important thing to have is a camera that has a high resolution/dpi to guarantee that you have a good picture on each end. IT was the best solution we could think of.
 
I never skyped during meals because the time difference was such that we never had meals at the same time. We wouldn't interrupt the call to eat though, but it wasn't the same as any communal meals I've had where there is a whole ritual about it, it was more "hey I'm hungry and I don't want the call to end, so let's see if I can grab something fast and easy".

I have had dates though, and it was very nice. We didn't eat during them but if you could coordinate to eat the same things and everything it would probably be a sharing experience you would enjoy. I would recommend trying it.
Plus at worst, you will see that it's not working for you and stop doing it. Not much to lose by trying.
 
We've used Skype in the past and i'd like to do it more. One time we cooked dinner at the same time - We talked about finding a recipe to make together like we would if we were able to be together. Then, eat and drink wine and talk.

At first, i thought it would make me miss his touch more and that I'd feel more longing but I found that seeing his handsome face and smile warms my heart.

We've talked about playing games online but that just isn't our thing. I am, however, looking for more things that we can do together while we're apart.
 
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