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Old 05-24-2017, 02:46 AM
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PinkPig PinkPig is offline
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Originally Posted by Shaya View Post
What do you guys think about NRE and jealousy pulling in opposite directions? Is the way I've phrased it a good analogy or is there a different way you would explain the same phenomenon?
I think your analogy was fine. Absolutely, NRE can pull one person in one direction while jealousy pulls the other in a different direction...if you let them. We see it all the time in posts from newer or less experienced poly people....and even from those with more experience sometimes. A very common scenario is that the jealous partner can become less attractive to the partner in NRE because suddenly the jealous partner acts clingy, possibly controlling, or it feels like you're constantly talking about emotions, putting out fires. Meanwhile the new relationship is burning hot and bright and so much easier so you're drawn to it.....which just makes the jealous partner more jealous, more negative about the new partner.

In my case, I did not try to control Blue because it just isn't my nature and doesn't fit with how I wish to conduct telationships or treat others. That was not reciprocated by Azure....which to be fair, my relationship was not with her...but Blue acted out of character for my past experience with him which just increased the fear and jealousy. It was very different than his past relationships. But that happens sometimes, game changers come along and shake up the existing relationships. Like anything else, we can be open to the experience and learn and grow from it, or we can resist the change and try to force our way. We see that all the time....either the jealous partner making ultimatums/declaring vetos, or the other partner pushing his/her way without regard to the jealous partner.
Pink: 40s/f/bi

Last edited by PinkPig; 05-24-2017 at 02:50 AM.
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Old 05-24-2017, 06:50 AM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 725

Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
Am I the only one whose NRE sort of bleeds over into my other relationships? I mean, my happiness tends to make for happier relationships all around. The only time it becomes a problem is if a partner starts over-thinking it. Then it gets into "oh he seems very happy...but the happiness is because of her, not me." The only thing I had to work on was not oversharing, which is hard for me because I like sharing.
I have this exactly IF I am invested in a relationship that is honest, secure and safe for me, and the same level of investment back.

If any of these wheels are missing I get extremely worried about other relationships and the motives of those other relationships, especially when NRE is involved on my end towards that person.

I also would love to see studies on how NRE impacts a person if you're experiencing it more than once with different partners.

In myself it was...a disaster waiting to happen when in the beginning uncertain stages of the relationship. It's why I've never really successfully started dating more than one person at once, at the same time, I think I need to go one person at a time, and not initiate too many at the same time, unless one is strictly casual and no NRE is formed...

And on the jealousy front it seemed to breed jealousy in the men involved BECAUSE there were 2 possibly three people who were all unsure where we all stood because enough htime had not formed and commitments made (though this was also because other outside situatiosn and my own internal ones caused issues around long term commitment with them. Eg, when I dated Rocky, Trip and FWB with Irishcoffee- they all were poly or poly friendly, yet jealousy existed over who was the most priority to me, and most committed. But then Irishcoffee couldn't commit more on his end so I don't know why he was trying. Trip ended up cheating os who knows what was going on in his head, and Rocky is just...well a very apt name and also a non-committal-person in regards to me...)

So..I guess what i'm saying is I only have anecdotal evidence to see how this affects a person and only from a Solo-poly standpoint where I wasn't living with/escalator with anyone of them (although it was obvious I wanted to be escalator with Rocky).

It's late i'm rambling. I don't know if this helps but its my two pence.
Starlight1- 31f/bi/poly-ish
shooting star and rosebud - children of Starlight1

My current social circle:
Landon- M/straight/open and poly friendly (husband to Ariel)
Ariel- F/Bi/Open / poly friendly (Wife to Landon)
Ginger- F/gay/mono/poly friendly
Kiki - female/gay/mono/poly friendly-poly curious (just started being interested in each other)
Rocky- male/straight/monoish/ex bf

Last edited by starlight1; 05-24-2017 at 06:57 AM.
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autonomy, jealousy, monogamy, nre, security

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