When the spouse "plays life" with another...

While that is a nice sentiment...

I too have made whine-of-the-moment posts on poly sites. I'm a fast typist. And pretty much every time, a couple hundred words in, the mood has passed & I delete the whole darned thing.


You didn't. And you seem to be saying that this is a recurring reaction. Those suggest that you are gunnysacking, & eventually will unload all this packed-down nonsense in one big load onto your wife.

And even as you feel a massy weight has been lifted from you, she might conclude that you have absolutely lost your mind, & end the relationship.

So, how you deal with your "insignificant" feelings is up to you.

I do this all the time.

But then I also remind myself that merely the act of processing feelings and thoughts into visible language, text on screen or words on paper, sort of forces it through a different part of my brain and helps me get some clarity...so even if you later feel "Nevermind, that's not really a big deal" about it...typing it out or writing it down (journaling) can be helpful I think.

OP, I would advise you whenever possible to not worry too much about what wife is doing with other partner, but focus on your relationship with her, ask yourself tough questions, and then ask reasonable things of your partner if you have needs to be met.

If your relationship with your wife is good, it should stand strong and not be easily toppled by her other relationship, even if your metamour is a tremendous and vital part of your wife's life.

If you feel insecurities, first dig around in your own brain a while and make sure that you're clear on what's going on and why...and once you are clear, communicate with your wife about it. If you are afraid deep down because people in general have this thing of serial monogamy where they build up with a partner and simmer down with another, and eventually it just leads up to a CHOICE and you're afraid that the writing is on the wall for this, then tell her that this is a fear and an insecurity you have, these are FEELINGS that you have, not because she's doing wrong things or you want her to change...but feelings don't always depend on logic and reality. And be prepared to tell her, without making demands that diminish her other relationship, what might help you ease those feelings.

Consider your own love languages (if you're not familiar, look it up on the Googles or do a forum search; there are threads here about it) and have some idea what might be a meaningful way for your wife to put you at ease, so you'd really hear and feel the message. Try to focus on positive, increasing positive energy and outcome, not negative.

Is there tension between you and your wife's girlfriend (even unspoken or a "vibe" that you perceive?) I know that if I were in your shoes that would contribute to me having negative feelings about their relationship.
 
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