Sex drive, romantic love and long term attachment

I was watching a Ted Talk and what struck me as interesting was how she pointed out the difference between sex drive, romantic love and long term attachment. With romantic love, for most, comes sexual possessiveness.

It is difficult in context of monogamy to have all three of these things in one person over a life time. From my observations and experience one turns into another or falls away over time. In my world these don't necessarily overlap so neatly. I'm very much in love with a woman I can never be with and yet if she ever approached me sexually I'd catch the next train out of town. Another I was in romantic love with, could be again given the right circumstances and yet sexually I want her. Now would be good. This is ironically rare for me. I need emotional attachment to women to be sexually interested most of the time. Then there's just sex because, well, sex drive means something.

In the context of poly I hope that I can find these three satisfying things. Motivations and urgency varies with the ebb and flow of life but they are always there. The most important thing to me is my long term attachment to my wife but at any given time my sex drive or a sense of loneliness, change or adventure can become an urgent and driving force in my life.

I am curious to know whether you find your life cooperates with your needs. Do you have someone that touches all these areas or do you have people and situations that periodically satisfy them.

Ted Talk link
https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat
 
Given the (V) relationship that I have, I am satisfied in all three areas. Not that I couldn't be persuaded to take on another partner and be even more satisfied, ;)
 
I am sorry, but Helen Fisher is very monogamy minded, and while she has some understanding of sex drives, her ideas about "possessiveness following falling in love" have no relevance in most polyamorous people's lives.
 
This particular Ted talk nor my post was not focused on monogamy per se and I disagree. I think sexual possessiveness is an individual situation. I've been poly on and off (mostly on) for 25 years and I am possessive about my wife of 18 years. I must give freedom to get freedom and I honor our agreements but that doesn't mean I'm not jealous about it.

In poly you learn to let go as you've been taught all your life that it's normal and encouraged to be jealous and possessive. You must unravel that training and not all poly people do that easily, quickly or completely so it's is relevant to most.
 
Back
Top