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  #61  
Old 07-06-2010, 05:08 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by jennjuice View Post
I, the female, have full custody of my child who is 15. The x sees him about once a year and I don't think he'd kick up to much trouble over it anyway, but could this cause problems for me in regards to keeping custody of my son? How would I explaine to the Judge that our girlfriend lives with us?
Yes, it could cause problems. Depends on the law where you are. You may want to search this forum as this particular challenge has been discussed at length and is a very serious concern.

As a non parental husband I don't have a problem telling people I am open. I just tell them and they accept it. I haven't hit any serious back lash personally.
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  #62  
Old 07-06-2010, 05:26 PM
X-User1335 X-User1335 is offline
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My biggest problem at this point is NOT telling people. I'm dying to tell people that my husband and I are in love with our girlfriend!

The thing with my son, he's 15 and at this point I would give him the choice of where he wanted to be. I think he would get over it pretty quick and love her to death, as I know she will him. I guess that part is something I'll have to deal with as it comes.

I really wonder how my friends are going to react when I tell them that "we" as a couple have a woman that we both love and want in our family.

I'm seriously about to test it out on someone just to see how it unfolds!! Maybe a online friend to start.............LOL
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  #63  
Old 07-06-2010, 07:33 PM
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I would suggest doing some research on here too. There have been threads before that have asked similar questions.
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  #64  
Old 07-07-2010, 05:58 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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Each state is different in how it could be handled and within a state, such an issue may depend on which judge you would get. However, for a 15 year old, I think it would be less of an issue than if the child were younger (and considered more impressionable). If you have a good relationship with your ex (he won't try to dick you over) then you will probably be ok.

I think when you tell someone, let the excitement come through and I think people will not react too negatively. They may be concerned and try to give some advise. But you can counter with stuff like "living life to the fullest" or "taking the path less traveled" or "we are all happy, so what's the problem".

Let us know how it goes when you tell someone. I am curious to see what reactions you get.
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  #65  
Old 07-08-2010, 02:02 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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One bit of advice.....hold off telling anyone until things settle. There are way to many stories of people rushing into things during the euphoric age of relationships which results in complete implosion. Be patient, let the foundation of your relationship solidify. This will cause ripples so make sure it is strong enough to ride them out
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  #66  
Old 07-08-2010, 02:42 AM
RGee91 RGee91 is offline
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I would encourage telling an online friend first, to help build up that courage and hopefully they'll be supportive. Telling strangers is usually the easy part (hence you telling us ) But if it's really serious and you see her in your lives forever (like moving-in serious) I'd highly suggest the first "real" person you tell be your son. That way when you tell friends and family, and they all ask the inevitable "what does your son think" or "how will this affect him" questions, you can answer completely and honestly. And I'm sure he'll support you anyway

and just a tad more advice, coworkers are last on the totem pole to know (if they need to know at all). Letting coworkers know too much about your personal life often leads to unnecessary drama.... good luck!! ^_^
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  #67  
Old 07-08-2010, 03:38 PM
Edward Edward is offline
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We generally DON'T tell people. Close friends know about our relationship, but we don't advertise nor make mention of things. Family knows A2 as a 'roomate' and 'close friend'. (Well, except for my mother...who's remarkably tolerant of anything that isn't in public and doesn't scare the horses.) If A's family knows or suspects that there's more...they don't ask, and we don't volunteer.

Legally it gets trickier...another reason NOT to say anything. Having a roomate who's not related/married is more common these days than you'd think. (The rotten economy is good for something...) Without actual statements of a relationship, making a judgement solely on basic living arrangements is venturing into speculation, something MOST judges tend to avoid.

As for children...they are far more aware of things than most adults give them credit for. You're not going to be able to keep your relationship secret from your son, so don't try. (Not that I think you would...) Children also tend to be more accepting of things; if everyone's happy, that's all that really matters to them (emotionally).
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  #68  
Old 07-08-2010, 06:10 PM
X-User1335 X-User1335 is offline
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I'm a member of a group online and have been for over 3 years. I told them all about what we're planning. Every one was very understanding. Not one person said anything negative at all. The ones who weren't to sure about it just said, hey, it's your life...kind of thing. But I was asked alot of questions, which I expected.

It felt so GOOD to say it to people that I know in RL. One of the girls that I came out to is someone that lives semi close and we've been to visit! She is totally understanding and actually excited for us.

She said something so nice. She said "Most people are lucky if they find one person in the world to love, you guys found two, how lucky is that"

That just touched my heart.

I'm really surprised, I thought there would be some backlash but not at all. I'm so happy!
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  #69  
Old 07-14-2010, 09:15 PM
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Erato Erato is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mellsey View Post
my boss has noticed a change in me says I am under a lot of stress and he is worried about me. How do I explain to him, yes there is more stress, but worth every minute of it because I am happy with what I have. He won't understand or agree with the lifestyle we have. My job won't suffer, but his view towards me could change.
Honestly? I would say that it's not his business, specifically, what the details of your relationship(s) are. I know a lot of bosses try to make out "I want to know so I can help" but if you're not comfortable, even if he reacted well to it, then you don't have to share. It's your choice. If you're confident and loud and proud about coming out as poly then more power to you. Just remember that even though people shouldn't judge they are usually just frightened of things which are new and strange to them and don't really mean you harm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mellsey View Post
Also, our families would not understand, but it is so hard each day not to tell them, look this is what I have and I am happy with it. I just want to shout it from the mountain side, but know that we will be frowned upon.
I know every family is different. I was blessed with a very loving, open and understanding family. I thought I would be judged harshly, especially by my mother, if I told them I was poly. I've talked to them about it, not all of them but those I was comfortable with, one on one and actually seeking guidance around it. Maybe it helps that I am one of the younger siblings in the family but they have shown me nothing but love and support.

If it's really important to you to tell your family then maybe try gently talking to the one member you are closest too first? You can always branch out or shut out depending on how you feel after you tell them.

Good luck!
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  #70  
Old 07-20-2010, 09:22 AM
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I am not good at living a double life. I'm not going out of my way to tell people but as it comes up it comes up and I'm not going to lie about it. My younger daughter (19) just had a fit when I told her a couple of hours ago. She wouldn't have been someone I would have told by choice but she saw this forum on my computer and asked about it. I tried to distract her but she insisted and insisted.

She went right off, tears, melodrama the lot. I find it hard to believe I have raised such conservative kids.
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