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  #251  
Old 11-26-2017, 06:16 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Iím so glad the date went well!

I also have come to the conclusion that demisexuals are not compatible with me. Sex is so important to me and sexual compatibility is really important to me. I get why people want to wait but that just doesnít work for me.
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  #252  
Old 11-27-2017, 11:32 PM
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Thanks for the comment, opalescent! It's always nice to hear that someone else feels the same as me. Some types of people are just not compatible with each other and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with either type.
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  #253  
Old 11-28-2017, 12:12 AM
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I saw Hank today. We've met up a few times now over the last three months, ever since he reached out to me. Some of our conversations have been hard, talking about the past, but actually really constructive. He's been in therapy this whole year since we broke up and it's really done wonders. It seems like he's worked on himself a lot, which I was quite impressed by. Today he said he has missed me. I just burst into tears when he said that. I couldn't say anything else except 'thanks' and cry. I think deep down I've thought throughout this whole year that he hates me and blames everything that happened in the big house on me. In my mind missing someone is pretty much a sign you don't hate them. So I guess I was relieved to hear that. But at the same time I was really scared where this is going next. Does he want to get back together? I worry because I still love him. I noticed it today, I just do. I find his mind endlessly fascinating and he still gives me butterflies. So if he ever asked me that, there would be a danger that I'd say yes based on my feelings. But in reality it most likely wouldn't be a good idea. I'm pretty sure most of our incompatibilities are still there. I mean, obviously we'd have to talk it all through and see if anything has changed, but I just don't think he suddenly would want to spend more time with me and fulfill more of my needs than before. And then there is the big issue of him living with rory, who as far as I know hates me. So I don't really see all of those issues just disappearing. But yeah, a lot of thoughts and feelings right now. This is all so unexpected.
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  #254  
Old 11-28-2017, 03:03 AM
icesong icesong is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mya View Post
Thanks for the comment, opalescent! It's always nice to hear that someone else feels the same as me. Some types of people are just not compatible with each other and that's okay, there's nothing wrong with either type.
For what it's worth, I'm the same. I actually suspect that was part of the problem between DinoActivist and I, while we did have sex fairly early at my instigation we never quite clicked properly in terms of timing and that affected the rest of our relationship.
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  #255  
Old 11-29-2017, 09:51 AM
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Thanks for your comment as well, icesong! Timing can be so important sometimes, so I totally understand if that affected the whole of the relationship.
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  #256  
Old 11-29-2017, 10:36 AM
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When it comes to Hank-related feelings, I messaged my best friend and asked her to remind me of all the reasons why me and Hank broke up. She did a great job with that, that list of things was like a cold shower of realism, which is exactly what I wanted. So even though the feelings are still there, I now have a written list in my messages that I can refer to when I start imagining starting things up with Hank again. Unless all or at least most of those have somehow changed in the last year, that just cannot happen. He seems to think that our break-up was at least partly caused by the big poly house breaking down and everything that happened there. My view is that it might have accelerated things, but the question he asked me that started the break-up conversation was "are you happy?", and I wasn't. Not in that relationship. And I hadn't been in a while, even before the big house (well, it fluctuated). Also, as long as he lives with rory, I don't think we can be anything more than friends. I don't ever want to come between their friendship, I know how much it means to both of them. In conclusion, a lot would have to change for me and Hank to ever be able to be in a relationship again, so the chances of that happening are pretty low.
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  #257  
Old 12-02-2017, 11:41 AM
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I had amazing two days with Marco. First we went to see two films that were from my home country. Marco noticed that they were showing this double bill and suggested it a while back, so we've had tickets to it for some weeks already. I love how thoughtful he is, planning and suggesting things for us to do. And he is always interested in knowing more about my home country, it's really sweet. After the films we went back to mine and had two rounds of sex. Between the rounds we talked about our relationship and I finally told him I love him, and he said it back. <3 We talked about all the things we appreciate in the other. Then the next day, after far too little sleep, we went ice skating. It was so cool, I hadn't done it years, but it came back to me quickly. Marco was less confident about it, but we both had a lot of fun. Then we went to an art exhibition and after that had dinner. After dinner I finally met Marco's nesting partner Paige. It was really brief, but I'm glad it's done. We were supposed to meet each other a long time ago, but that got cancelled because Marco and Paige were both ill on the day and we haven't found a suitable day since then. We want to meet up properly some other time and talk more, but I just wanted us to at least have this feeling of acknowledging each others' existence. If I go too long without meeting a metamour, I start feeling like a secret mistress. I really don't need to be friends with them, but I do need to meet them at some point. So that was all good. I feel like this relationship is really progressing, and that is a feeling I do need in order to keep going.
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  #258  
Old 12-07-2017, 10:21 AM
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Nothing new to write about, I've been very immersed in my work and main hobby this week. But I felt like I wanted to name the couple I went on a date with because I think we will see each other again and I want to acknowledge their individuality and not just call them "the couple". I'll call the woman Quinn and the man Rafael.
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  #259  
Old 12-13-2017, 08:26 AM
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I've developed an interest in someone new, but I'm trying out this new thing of...not doing anything about it. I really don't want to spread myself too thin and I already have a lot going on. Marco recently asked me if I'm planning on going back to OKC in January when I'm less busy. I said I really don't have any desire to meet new people at this point, so most likely not. And it's true. I want a simpler life than I've had in the recent years. I can control that to some degree by not putting any effort into meeting new people, as in not being on dating sites and not going to meetups. But when I meet people in my every day life, at parties or through friends, that's when it becomes a matter of self-discipline. I'm meeting this person I'm interested in soon for a kind of a project we're doing together, and I've basically promised myself not to ask her out. But if she expresses an interest in me first, it will be a different matter. I don't know if I have the willpower to say no. I guess time will tell. Anyway, I wanted to note this here, so that I can see how I do in this mindset of actively trying to avoid too many relationships at once.
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  #260  
Old 12-14-2017, 09:29 AM
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Marco had a date with someone new yesterday and I had feelings about it. And it immediately made me second-guess my decision to not do anything about the new interest I wrote about in the previous post. I don't know, I think I got caught up in an NRE bubble with Marco for a bit there, where I kind of forgot that he still wants to date other people. I got caught up in thinking about our future together and feeling great about our current level of connection, not forgetting about his nesting partner of course, but hoping that my life could be simpler if I dated just Marco and possibly Quinn and Rafael on the side. I forgot that one thing that would make my life not simple is the unknown factors relating to him dating new people. Any of them could become as important to him than I am now, or more important. Like what happened with Jasmin. I think I'm still very much affected by that. Before I wasn't usually worried about my partner leaving me for someone else, but now I am since it happened to me. It feels like a very real possibility now, and it makes me scared whenever a new person enters the picture. Anybody could be a game changer.

...So, I was just writing the above when he texted me and we ended up having a text conversation about this. I said I'm working through some feelings relating to him dating new people and I could use some reassurance that he still has time and interest for me in the future. I don't usually ask for reassurance this directly, so I was quite proud of myself for putting it out there that that's what I needed. He responded in a really sweet way, saying he feels like our relationship and connection is deepening and he really likes spending time with me and that he has very little plans for anyone new. That made me feel better. At the same time I do wonder why he even goes on dates if he has "very little plans for anyone new". I guess by anyone new he means a new serious relationship, but casual dating is fine. I'm just very aware that that's exactly how we started out and look where we are now. Sometimes the unpredictability and ever-changing nature of poly relationships can be really difficult and destabilising. Not that mono relationships never change, but at least that seems to happen a little less frequently.

I feel really vulnerable right now in terms of my relationship with Marco. I feel like I'm trying to stabilise my life by intending not to date new people at the moment but he still has the power to influence that stability by dating new people himself. That makes me feel like I should date new people as well, just to keep it balanced, to make it "more poly", to make it equally possible for me to rock the boat and not just him. But after writing it out here I realise that me dating new people right now would come from an unhealthy place. It would come from fear, from competition, from an effort to distract myself from his dating, from trying to protect myself from hurt. Which leads to the conclusion that I shouldn't do that. Not now.
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