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  #1  
Old 08-16-2017, 09:31 AM
RainLevity RainLevity is offline
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Default "Hoping to be" New Here

Hi. I'm Rain. This may be an unusual introduction here, but until this past few months, I would have begun by saying I'm a straight, cis female in a 20-year monogamous marriage with the most wonderful man in the world & with whom I have 3 beautiful children. However (of course there was going to be one), we have both come to realize that we are both bisexual and interested in seeking a poly relationship- we think.

We are pursuing the idea with the hope that our best friends, with whom we've been negotiating a swinging relationship recently, and whom we already really love, will morph into a quad. I have a lot of questions and concerns, not the least of which is whether or not our friends are even really up for this. We are not jumping into this with both feet yet- but I'll post a whole bunch on all that in another, more appropriate thread, as this one is just a brief intro. So, that's me & my situation (briefly). I am really looking forward to picking the brains of all those with more experience than I (which will be nearly everyone), and hopefully learning enough to navigate this situation with minimal screwups.
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Old 08-16-2017, 01:53 PM
Rockit49 Rockit49 is offline
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Default Welcome!

Welcome to the Forum! Nice to meet you!
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  #3  
Old 08-17-2017, 12:20 AM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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Hi Rain - Welcome to the Forum! I've been here for several months now after we opened our marriage around the first of the year - and found most folks here to be friendly and helpful - with lots of sound advice and good suggestions. If you have specific questions, try posting in the Poly Relationships Corner - it is usually quite active and you are most likely to get some insightful feedback to your questions. Best of luck on your new poly journey. Al

Edit: After seeing Kevin's welcome post below, I see that you have already been down to the "Corner" - a step ahead.
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Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.

Last edited by Al99; 08-17-2017 at 01:30 AM.
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  #4  
Old 08-17-2017, 12:57 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Rain,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I read your post in your other thread, and responded there briefly. To summarize, I just think you should take it slow ... and I imagine you're already doing that. I wish you much happiness, and am glad you could join us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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Old 08-17-2017, 06:36 AM
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Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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RainLevity -- take your time.

Sounds to me as though you're getting waaaaay ahead of yourselves: you're gearing up to take HUGE steps -- leaps, actually -- rather than proceeding stepwise. Now, I'm known to take crazy-seeming jumps myself, so not at all critical of the tactic, but I do so after careful consideration of potential consequences.

You've talked yourselves into believing you're bisexual. Attraction to others without regard for gender is not at all uncommon... but acting upon it has risks, particularly driving away others who're not interested in or ready for such a leap.

You're "negotiating a swinging relationship." How much "moresome" experience have you two had? How about the other couple?

You leap right from "occasional fun sex" to "quad." Some experienced swingers find permanence a turnoff.

By "quad" do you mean "sexually closed foursome"? Many people, exposed to successful nonmonogamy, soon decide they're done with restrictions & want to explore their expanded sexuality.
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  #6  
Old 12-12-2017, 11:46 PM
RainLevity RainLevity is offline
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Default Finally responding

Hi, guys. I really appreciate all the detailed responses, and the information and concern they show. I read them all & have taken them into consideration.

An update: We have continued forward with our plan- we have done A LOT of talking. We are all very open (lol). A couple of us are a little "Aspergersish," so explicit permissions and detailed explanations of the roles/expectations/desires of the group are all necessary. We have, since my last post, entered into an open relationship with the other couple. The other wife & I are definitely more than just "friends with benefits," the other husband and I are JUST friends with benefits, which works well for us right now (that's his desire & the way I feel about things, too), and my husband is a light participator (there's a work thing that prevents further interaction on his part at the moment, but it could change... it's complicated, lol). Actually, the whole thing is fairly complicated, and hard to define, but we are doing constant check-ins with one another. I can only speak for myself & my husband, I guess, but as much as we are really all enjoying the relationships, we are trying to keep it a bit more on the light & uncommitted side of things-
due to work, mostly. We are all still unsure how to define what we have- it's more than closed-group swinging, but not as much as full-on polyamory (right now). We talk about how we each feel about the relationship & if there are any concerns constantly- each of us is quite considerate of the others' needs. I really think this is an amazing & unusual (maybe) iteration of this kind of relationship- but it sure is wonderful. I hope it lasts.

I just wanted to say thank you, finally, and give a brief update. Maybe we'll get things more defined & I can give a better update, or maybe I'll pop back on with more questions. But right now, we're just enjoying the ride.

Ciao!
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  #7  
Old 12-13-2017, 11:50 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi RainLevity,

Thanks for your update. It sounds like you have a really wonderful relationship going, with lots of communication which is a good sign. Hopefully things will continue to evolve in a good way. And I hope you'll continue to keep us posted. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #8  
Old 12-14-2017, 12:40 AM
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Al99 Al99 is offline
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EDIT - this was a duplicate welcome post to Rainlevity (I had posted one earlier) - too many windows open. My apologies.
But again, RainLevity - welcome! Al
__________________
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.

Last edited by Al99; 12-14-2017 at 03:41 AM.
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