The transgendered in the Poly Community.

juliaandpatti

New member
Hello everyone!

This is Julia, the other half of Patti.
I am a non-operative transsexual female living fulltime in my chosen gender.
My question is this; In the poly community what do you think the overall poly population thinks of transgendered women but more so transsexual women?
Do we represent the extreme minority?
In the dynamic of a triad, quad would you consider a non-operative bisexual transsexual female a unicorn?
I consider myself one even though I'm married.
Would I be a overall turn off to "straight" men looking for a relationship such as a quad like another married couple?
Just like in other segments of society, transsexual people represent the fringe of the population, the same within the poly world as well?
I appreciate all of your thoughts and opinions.:)


Julia
 
Well, I guess it depends on how open minded ppl are. Myself, i am genderqueer and pansexual and poly, so your ID poses no problem to me, sister! :cool:

Also, so far, I have had one 3way w my tgirl gf and straight but open minded bf. It went very well. My gf is pre-op. I was the hinge of the V. Looking forward to more of these exps, seeing where they lead.
 
From what I have seen in the poly community, it is one of the more open and accepting groups. I think talk of transgender or transsexual may raise a few eyebrows, but poly people tend not to be too judgemental about who another person is with (as long as it is ethical).

I think the poly community tries to be open minded because acceptance of a lot of stuff we believe in usually comes from being open minded. In contract, swingers tend to be less accepting of gay men and transgender/transsexual people.

So I think you will find acceptance in the poly community. But for personal preference for a relationship? I am not sure. Personally, I tend to be attracted to a person overall. So looks, personality, ethics, intelligence, hobbies, etc all affect how attracted I am to that person. So I could be atracted to transsexual/transgender people. But since I have never done something like that before, I am partly guessing.
 
Our local poly community is extremely accepting of everyone in my exprerience. We have several transgender people in various stages of transition. I believe we have one woman who is in fact a post operation "unicorn".

Welcome!
 
Hmmm...a good portion of the poly folk I know locally are genderqueer in some fashion, so I suspect the poly community as a whole is likely to be more accepting and welcoming than the general populace.

As for me, I identify folks by the gender they present, so anybody identifying as female is female, as far as I'm concerned. I've flirted with a couple of trans females, though haven't gotten involved with any as yet, and I'm straight (and I do wonder how sex would work for me were I to get involved with a woman with man bits).

And, oh, you can't qualify as a unicorn because you're not single.
 
The poly group that we hang out with is very accepting. At any given meeting we will have teenagers to folks in their 70's. A wide variety of sexualities, socioeconomic differences and political differences...

Like Seventhcrow said, I look for similar values, morals and ethics when looking for people to be in my life. Not one person will fill everything, but that doesn't matter, that is where strength of character and attraction come in. Look at Mono and I, VERY different in many ways, but there is something about his character and acceptance of others that endears me too him.

Personally I identify as pansexual and of course would welcome trans people into my relationship with my husband if that were within the realm of possibility... it isn't as I am in a polyfi relationship that is not open, but just saying.

Of all the cultures and sub cultures I have identified with Poly has been by far the most accepting and welcoming. We have a common thread, I think, and that is to love MORE and feel free within that love... that brings all kinds of people together. I get very excited by that!
 
I tend to agree that poly people tend to be more open-minded than the average non-poly population, but YMMV - I know that here in Upstate New York things are pretty conservative in general, so I don't know how comfortable people would be in general.

Personally, I would like to think of us being able to welcome everyone of any gender, or gender preference.
 
i am a cis woman but i have had a loving relationship with a pre-op trans-woman who remains a good friend. i can't speak for others in the poly community but i certainly wouldn't be trans-phobic and i would be very upset to think others were.
x

edited to add: i referred to her as pre-op only because that is how she identified herself at the time, and because she did go on to have surgery. i have friends who are trans who hate that term when applied to them because they do not plan to have surgery and do not identify as being pre- anything! full respect to them and to all of us in our diversity.
 
Like Magdlyn I am genderqueer and bi-paratrexual (see www.reneereyes.com for "Paratrexual"). So I would more than welcome a non-op TG in a poly group. I daresay most of my polyamours are transgender now!
 
I actually first heard about poly through a trans* person. I would say that a woman, whether trans or cis, non-op, pre-op, or post-op, is whoever she says she is. It's not up to others who you are, just yourself.
And I'm very happy to see such acceptance in the poly community.
 
In the dynamic of a triad, quad would you consider a non-operative bisexual transsexual female a unicorn?

No, as stated by another poster, a unicorn is usually seen as a bisexual single woman who enters into a relationship with a MF couple.

Of course, you are a woman! And if the guy in a MF couple was bisexual (whether he is a cis gendered male or a transman), a transwoman, pre, post or non-op, should be acceptable.

However many porn watching, tranny chasing bi guys crave to be anally penetrated with a "chick with a dick." In my experience, most pre op/non op transgirls do not want to use their genitals to penetrate a guy.

Would I be a overall turn off to "straight" men looking for a relationship such as a quad like another married couple?


Some narrow minded straight cis gendered males will freak even if a transwoman is post op, should he be told or find out somehow. :( Homophobia leads them to think a person with a "penis" in the bed with them would make them gay. And they think it's horrible to be gay.
 
In the dynamic of a triad, quad would you consider a non-operative bisexual transsexual female a unicorn?

Here are the questions necessary to finding out if you are a unicorn:

Are you a hot, bi babe?
Are you single?
Are you sitting around pining for the fjords..er, longing for a couple to find you?
Are you waiting to find everlasting fulfillment with only that couple?

If you answered anything other than "yes" to any of those questions, then, no, you are not a unicorn. You may be some other kind of horny..um, horned beast, yet you are not one of the mythical unicorns.
 
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Yup

Definitely feel like finding a trans woman is a unicorn. My wife and I have been looking and haven't had much success... and by much success, I mean none at all. Most of the time we've found nothing but women who are purely interested in sex. We're hoping to have a group and I'd love to have a trans woman in it, but that seems highly unlikely at this point.
 
Definitely feel like finding a trans woman is a unicorn. My wife and I have been looking and haven't had much success... and by much success, I mean none at all. Most of the time we've found nothing but women who are purely interested in sex. We're hoping to have a group and I'd love to have a trans woman in it, but that seems highly unlikely at this point.

Uhm, what? You're looking to date a trans woman "because" she's trans? Objectifying much?

It's prioritizing her trans identity over her personal identity. Not meeting someone who "happens to be trans" and accepting her for her, but rather meeting someone to fill a role in your relationship as a status symbol.

Gross.
 
Uhm, what? You're looking to date a cis woman "because" she's cis? Objectifying much?

It's prioritizing her cis identity over her personal identity. Not meeting someone who "happens to be cis" and accepting her for her, but rather meeting someone to fill a role in your relationship as a status symbol.

Gross.

Notice how it looks pretentious either way? ;)

If you want to be with a cis gendered person, you look for a cis gendered person. If you want to be with a trans person, you look for a trans person. You don't go looking for anyone and just hope you bump into them... unless your goal is to just find a person, then your odds are definitely in your favor.
 
Yep. It would be just as objectifying to look for a cis-gendered woman just because she's cis-gendered, and not for her personal qualities as a human being. Clearly you missed the point.

I'm ready to be proven wrong, if you're able to provide a non-objectifying reason why adding a trans woman just because she's trans is not tokenism?

Every trans person I know, just wants to be accepted as a person, seen as their chosen gender, and not treated like some kind of freak show who exists solely for your entertainment.
 
Yep. It would be just as objectifying to look for a cis-gendered woman just because she's cis-gendered, and not for her personal qualities as a human being. Clearly you missed the point.

I'm ready to be proven wrong, if you're able to provide a non-objectifying reason why adding a trans woman just because she's trans is not tokenism?

Every trans person I know, just wants to be accepted as a person, seen as their chosen gender, and not treated like some kind of freak show who exists solely for your entertainment.

I'm not missing the point at all; however you've jumped to a conclusion with any questioning whatsoever. I'm not just going to jump on the 1st trans woman that shows interest. Of course, the inside is more important to me than the outside. Everyone has qualities and traits that they would like for their mate to have and like everyone else, so do I. There are qualities/traits in the potential mate that they are seeking, I just happen to be seeking those qualities in a trans woman. By your logic, any other person that is looking for a mate of a specific gender is "gross". If you'd just simply ask rather than charge at me on your high horse, you would've figure that out... And for the record, I am simultaneously seeking cis gendered mates, but didn't say because it's not entirely relevant to the conversation.
 
I'm not missing the point at all; however you've jumped to a conclusion with any questioning whatsoever. I'm not just going to jump on the 1st trans woman that shows interest. Of course, the inside is more important to me than the outside.

I'm not jumping to conclusions without questioning. I did question, you didn't answer. I'll repeat: What is your non-objectifying reason for seeking a trans woman such that it is not an example of tokenism?

By your logic, any other person that is looking for a mate of a specific gender is "gross". If you'd just simply ask rather than charge at me on your high horse, you would've figure that out... And for the record, I am simultaneously seeking cis gendered mates, but didn't say because it's not entirely relevant to the conversation.

"Trans female" is not a gender. The gender of a trans woman is female. Her biological sex is male. "Trans" means that her gender does not align with her biological sex.

Looking for a mate of a certain gender, be it female or male or genderqueer, is not gross; that's called orientation.

Looking for a mate of a certain sex, be it female or male or intersex, is also not gross; that's called sexual orientation.

Now, it is possible for a person's sexual orientation and gender orientation to not line up. Rare, but possible. In that case, you might only be attracted to female genders and male sexes. I've never actually heard of this, but I suppose it's possible. However, it does not describe you, because you have a wife (presumably cis) and you're also seeking cis males. Therefore you have demonstrated that you're perfectly fine with either sex and either gender, and so "I only date trans women" is not going to get you out of this one.
 
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