LemonCakeIsALie33
New member
I'm falling for someone. She has a boyfriend, and I've discussed my feelings for her with him. She knows about my feelings, too. He isn't sure how he feels about polyamory, and neither is she, but the three of us are all close friends, and they are both open to the idea, at least. They're both relatively monogamous; however, she is at least open to the idea of feelings for me. He thinks he might get jealous but said if she wanted to date me, he'd still want to be with her. I promised that if my pursuing her would harm them (not in a temporary jealousy way but in a way that was more permanent), I would back off and do whatever was necessary to abolish my feelings.
They're both largely asexual, so for them the boundaries between friendship and romance are necessarily a bit more fuzzy than they usually are for me.
The complication is that right now, she is very sick. She has chronic Lyme disease, which has recently worsened (hopefully temporarily) and has impacted her ability to think. The spirochetes are in her lovely, whip-smart, witty brain, and it hurts me so very much to see her struggling. She's one of the sweetest people I know, and I'm really starting to fall for her.
Because of the Lyme, she just doesn't have the energy to consider how she might feel for me. She can only say that she isn't uninterested in me, which is obviously a good thing. I think she would be honest if she was sure she didn't feel the same.
A couple days ago, the three of us watched a movie. She was in the middle, and he and I were both holding her hand. It was really comfortable and sweet, and she said both she and he felt comfortable, too. (I'm not interested in him romantically, but I do like him very much as a friend.)
I know it's important not to push her, and I wouldn't dream of adding to her stress. I guess, I just want to know what the boundaries might be - who is okay with what and not okay with what. They're not closed-off, but they don't talk much about serious things (especially right now since she's so sick), so I'm not sure what's up.
I want to be her girlfriend, I think. I know she isn't able to make that sort of new connection right now. I do I love her. I truly just want to be there for her, and while I do have to consider myself and my happiness, I'd never make myself happy at her expense.
She may have to leave school (in MA) soon and go back to the midwest, and I realized when she told me this that it would absolutely break my heart.
I don't even know why I'm posting about this. I guess I just wanted to get it all out. In my head I just keep turning around ideas, imagining things, and the thing that keeps coming up is...
I imagine her leaving. We are both crying, holding hands and holding each other as we were a couple of nights ago when she told me she might need to leave.
And in my imagination, I ask her, "Can I kiss you goodbye?"
I wrote something about her:
Some people you're drawn to, almost without noticing. Slowly - without obligation, without spoken commitment, without losing your independence - these people become knit into your life. You think in some deep, quiet place, "they will always be wherever I am," but you fail to notice how subtly and extensively you are intertwined until you are faced with sudden separation - and you are surprised (though you shouldn't be) at how much it hurts.
They're both largely asexual, so for them the boundaries between friendship and romance are necessarily a bit more fuzzy than they usually are for me.
The complication is that right now, she is very sick. She has chronic Lyme disease, which has recently worsened (hopefully temporarily) and has impacted her ability to think. The spirochetes are in her lovely, whip-smart, witty brain, and it hurts me so very much to see her struggling. She's one of the sweetest people I know, and I'm really starting to fall for her.
Because of the Lyme, she just doesn't have the energy to consider how she might feel for me. She can only say that she isn't uninterested in me, which is obviously a good thing. I think she would be honest if she was sure she didn't feel the same.
A couple days ago, the three of us watched a movie. She was in the middle, and he and I were both holding her hand. It was really comfortable and sweet, and she said both she and he felt comfortable, too. (I'm not interested in him romantically, but I do like him very much as a friend.)
I know it's important not to push her, and I wouldn't dream of adding to her stress. I guess, I just want to know what the boundaries might be - who is okay with what and not okay with what. They're not closed-off, but they don't talk much about serious things (especially right now since she's so sick), so I'm not sure what's up.
I want to be her girlfriend, I think. I know she isn't able to make that sort of new connection right now. I do I love her. I truly just want to be there for her, and while I do have to consider myself and my happiness, I'd never make myself happy at her expense.
She may have to leave school (in MA) soon and go back to the midwest, and I realized when she told me this that it would absolutely break my heart.
I don't even know why I'm posting about this. I guess I just wanted to get it all out. In my head I just keep turning around ideas, imagining things, and the thing that keeps coming up is...
I imagine her leaving. We are both crying, holding hands and holding each other as we were a couple of nights ago when she told me she might need to leave.
And in my imagination, I ask her, "Can I kiss you goodbye?"
I wrote something about her:
Some people you're drawn to, almost without noticing. Slowly - without obligation, without spoken commitment, without losing your independence - these people become knit into your life. You think in some deep, quiet place, "they will always be wherever I am," but you fail to notice how subtly and extensively you are intertwined until you are faced with sudden separation - and you are surprised (though you shouldn't be) at how much it hurts.
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