Home again, home again, jiggety jig
Friday morning I left for KY for the weekend. My middle child, J, lives there. He's 28. My brother and sister-in-law live a stone's throw from him. And one of my good friends lives down the road. He moved down there about 16 months ago.
It's been hard on him. He's shy and hasn't made many friends. He's broke and can't afford to do much for activities. He is prone to depression, since he was 9 years old, so that adds a layer of yuck to his life. He's had girlfriends on and off, and has repeatedly gotten back together with a lady who is closer to my age than his. From what he's said, it is not a healthy relationship. She seems very insecure and wants him to spend all of his time with her and is quite upset when he spends time at home.
It was a very nice visit. I hadn't seen him for a year and when I did see him it was when my mother was hospitalized, so it wasn't an easy visit. We went to the Corvette Museum on Saturday and to Nashville Sunday night. Saturday night and Sunday morning we went out to eat with my brother and sister-in-law, and Sunday afternoon all four of us went to the friend's place that I mentioned for a cookout.
It was nice to talk to J about life and his dreams and struggles. I got a chance to do the mom thing which made both of us happy. I bought him some clothes and a bunch of groceries, and then because he didn't have a pot or cereal bowls we also picked up a set of dishes and a pot. Who doesn't own a pot?!!! Geez. I pointed out to him that he could have bought bowls at Savers or Goodwill for next to nothing. He said that when he's down to change at the end of the week, buying anything is an extravagance. The real extravagance in his life is the damn cigarettes and beer he buys, but he's not willing to forego those. Today I ordered towels to be delivered to his house. He has one towel. Sigh.
I got home around 7:30 last night. Golden came over around 9:30 and spent the night. It was so nice to see him. I was so tempted to tell him I love him, but I want to be sure before I say it.
I learned in conversation that Bea spent the night (with Bond) Friday night. That was a surprise, because Bond hadn't mentioned a word. I grabbed my phone to see if it was on the calendar, but it wasn't. Which I found telling because at one point in time Bond was updating the calendar for our date times if I happened to be later than what he had put in there, like if I didn't get to him place until 7 PM, but he had 6 PM in the calendar he'd update it to reflect the true time.) At the time I asked him if that was for M's benefit, but he denied it and said he liked the calendar to be accurate. During that time M was being ridiculous about the calendar and it didn't ring true. I also think that he date with Bea went without mention (we exchanged many texts while I was gone, plus he had ample opportunity to call me while I was driving 10 hours each way) because he knows I am reactive to Bea and I think he may be hesitant to mention her now. I need to work on that. I am able to self-sooth myself and not become upset or say anything, but she does trigger me and he knows that. I don't want him to withhold hings, so this needs to be something I overcome. I know he loves me, and that she is not a threat to our relationship. I remind myself of these things and calm my reptilian brain fairly easily, but not before my initial reaction of a perceived threat - upset stomach, tightness in my chest, increased heart rate.
Initially I assumed they had sex for the first time. It would be reasonable to think that an overnight visit would lead to that in most cases, but Bond has a code of ethics he follows that requires him to speak to me about this before he goes there. I have told him it's not necessary, but I do appreciate that he'll give me that courtesy, so that's how things have been left. Because he hadn't spoken to me I thought that there was a good chance that they hadn't had sex. And yes, Bond is also the kind of guy who is happy to sleep with someone and keep it rather PG.
I asked him if they had sex. Answer was no. I can only guess at how frustrating this may have been for Bea. I'd have a hard time in that situation! Goodness, they have been dating since what? March? They had a break from early June until now, but still, that's a long time to let things build into something.
He did ask me, "How do you feel about it if we want to in the future?"
I said, "I will be fine. I've been expecting it to happen. I'll deal with it."
He replied, "Ok. Thanks. I was worried how you'd feel. You say you'll deal. Is it something troubling or difficult to deal with?
Or are you grinning and bearing it?"
I said, "I always have a Bea auto response.
"I remind myself that you love me.
"
Bond: "I do!" (followed by half a dozen kissy faces)
And then asked where I was for lunch today and that he wasn't sure he could wait to see me.
Awww.
We met for lunch. He had an eleven-year-old in tow. A surly, overtired (sleepover) kid who had forgotten to take his meds this morning. It wasn't the lunch I had hoped for, but it was still really, really nice to see him. And feeding the eleven-year-old helped get rid of his surliness. Yay!
Oh, oh, oh! I almost forgot to mention this. It seems that M is picking things up again with her sometimes partner, former-fiance. The very same guy she says emotionally abused her. She is spending more time with her kids and him and less time with Bond than she has in the past. For instance, she has today off, but she is not seeing Bond, and according to Golden, she was supposed to come over on Sunday before Beatdown, but she never showed.
Less M and more Bea? I can deal with that.