my Mistress and Her Husband have what they call "Ultimate Veto Power" in reguards to their extra-marital relationships. any and all lovers they have are subject to the approval of their spouse first, and throughout the life of those relationships. before either starts a relationship, the other meets and makes a relationship with the other and decides if this is a beneficial relationship or a toxic threat. all parties agree to the veto power and that His and Her relationship comes first. this must be agreed on by all.
i tell you this in the hopes that you will step back and re-evaluate your relationship with your husband. you married him. he married you. if you love each other, and im sure you do, you need to value this relationship higher than your bf and his gf.
GreedyPaul thanks for your input. I'm sorry that you are going through rough divorce. However, I think my relationships are structured a little differently than yours.
My husband and I do not have ultimate veto power. I would never tell my husband to break with his GF. I could ask him, and give him reasons why I am asking, but its his choice to do what he thinks is right for his life, and then its my choice to decide if I can live with that or not.
I also don't feel that because I married my husband when I was 23 and knew nothing (with what I know now, I don't think I'd ever marry again - it no longer fits my idea of relationships) that our bond is the strongest or most important one. Maybe this goes hand in hand with the no veto-thing. It's just not how we do things.