Couple-hunting in Unicornia

So they have developed a test that doesn't require an outbreak.

I know about the antibody test :(, but up here it is not available through general health care. I don't know about the private clinics. It seems the gov has pretty much given up on herpes and HPV, focusing instead on gonorrhea and chlamydia which can cause infertility and thus are vital in the fight to promote national interests and high natality :rolleyes:.

I am one of those lucky people that contracted HSV 1 from oral sex. *sigh*

Yep, Vanilla managed to score that too. Her partner's comments? "Well I did wonder why my tongue felt sore, but didn't think much of it".


Thanks, will try to dive into that with some depth later. But it seems that there is too little definite information on how HPV contracts that it's pretty hard to protect against :(.
 
Yep, Vanilla managed to score that too. Her partner's comments? "Well I did wonder why my tongue felt sore, but didn't think much of it".

Ugh. That sounds familiar. I noticed a sore starting the next morning on this guy's mouth, and I asked if it was a cold sore. He said yes, and I asked why the hell he went down on me! His response? "Oh, it's fine."

Um, no. It wasn't then, before I knew I'd contracted it, and it sure wasn't after!

I've only had the initial outbreak and one since in three and a half years. It's not been that bad. I always say I'd rather have an outbreak than have to tell a new partner about my status. I hate the stigma. If it was on my face, no one would care!

Anyway. Enough hijacking your blog. ;)
 
There is a lot of stigma attached to HSV-2, the common cause of genital herpes, especially when you take into account that:

Herpes Virus 1= Coldsores
Herpes Virus 3= Chickenpox/Shingles
Herpes Virus 4= Infectious mononucleosis/mono/glandular fever
Herpes Virus 5= Infectious mononucleosis-like syndrome
Herpes Virus 6= Roseola
Herpes Virus 7= Roseola
Herpes Virus 8= Kaposi's sarcoma

Most of us have come into contact with several of the viruses. These viruses are all latent, meaning once infected, you are infected for life. They like hang-out in nerve and white blood cells, causing recurring infections.
 
I know about the antibody test :(, but up here it is not available through general health care. I don't know about the private clinics. It seems the gov has pretty much given up on herpes and HPV, focusing instead on gonorrhea and chlamydia which can cause infertility and thus are vital in the fight to promote national interests and high natality :rolleyes:.



Yep, Vanilla managed to score that too. Her partner's comments? "Well I did wonder why my tongue felt sore, but didn't think much of it".



Thanks, will try to dive into that with some depth later. But it seems that there is too little definite information on how HPV contracts that it's pretty hard to protect against :(.

You can get a shot of Guardasil here in the states that protects against HPV. It is now mandatory (at least in NY) for all girls at the onset of puberty and recommended for boys (who can carry and transmit it to girls). Much like the menengitis vaccine is now required for college entrance.
 
You can get a shot of Guardasil here in the states that protects against HPV. It is now mandatory (at least in NY) for all girls at the onset of puberty and recommended for boys (who can carry and transmit it to girls). Much like the menengitis vaccine is now required for college entrance.

It doesn't protect against all strains of HPV, just the ones most likely to cause cervical cancer.
 
Anyway. Enough hijacking your blog. ;)

Hijacks are always welcome!

Spent the weekend visiting Vanilla's friends in the Southwest. Had a great time, her friends are really cool. I am actually pretty relieved I liked them so much. Even my blend of humor seemed to go down pretty well :).

Attended Slutwalk! There were about 1 000 people marching. I wore fishnets and a T-shirt that didn't really cover much anything below the waist. I would have liked to walk with a sign but was late to come up with anything good. It's hard to describe how exhilarating it felt to be walking with so many people with a single purpose, with so many people watching and taking photos and trying to spell out the signs and figure what's going on. I totally get how people can be swept up with mass movements, even totalitarian ones.

Later in the evening I attended my first ever fetish party. Surprised to say but there was nothing really gruesome or disturbing going on. Even more surprised that I was not bothered in the least by Vanilla going in her friend's leash. I was pretty tired and didn't know too many people there, so it would have occasionally been cool to be able to talk to her, but I did get a hugsy at one point when I was left alone with Vanilla. It wasn't mind-numbingly cool and the music was too loud and mixed for my taste, but Vanilla wanted me to be there and I was happy she had a good time.

I was initially reluctant to go because I didn't want to kill her mojo with her friend at the other end of the leash. They see each other only a few times a year and I didn't want them having to worry about the newbie gf being dragged along. I guess I could have been more social but as said, it was late. I told Vanilla before we went down south that we need to agree on a non-obvious sign so I could excuse myself in the case they wanted to get it on without me :D. She said she trusted my social tact in figuring it out, should the situation arise. It didn't, but now I'm presented with a whole new poly problem; they are nice, and I'd love to hang out with them, but what if they want alone-time with Vanilla? I can't well just tag along to every trip Southwest. Maybe I stay behind and she can go alone, and if they want to visit us up here in our new apartment, we can hang all four of us :eek:.

I am once again so relieved and happy that we don't have a whole lot of rules with Vanilla as to who we can be and do what with. Other people's rules like no stay-overs, sex-only allowed outside of the primary relationship, sex only if the primary partner is present too, no new partners of specific gender etc. freak me out some. It feels too much like people trying to safeguard themselves against heartbreak.
 
Just wanted to rant about how awesome my girlfriend is.

So occasionally I get these identity anxiety freak-outs. I know, I know, how self-absorbed can you get, right :rolleyes:? They are most acute whenever I visit dating sites, really. There's always this one little box to check which fills me with dread and creates inner turmoil and mayhem: sexual orientation (I know of one site where you have the options "I don't know/something else" and "queer", but OKC doesn't support such orientation anarchy). I know my troubles are minor compared to people who have to regularly choose male/female boxes, but that one politically charged little question always sends me into a downward spiral of pointless introspection.

It's not that I don't want to be bisexual - I really do. And having a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time should imho guarantee me a lifetime card-carrying membership in the Bisexual Club. The trouble is that I don't feel bisexual. I feel gay. I 'm no longer sexually attracted to men. I don't desire romantic relationships with men. I love individual men as individuals, not as members of their gender, whereas I really do love women :D. My stomach doesn't do somersaults when I'm planning a date with a guy. I'm seriously considering whether to cancel my date tomorrow, because I just don't feel any sizzle or sparkle there. What's the point?

I'm angsting over this to Vanilla, and here's what she said;

"Sweetheart, stop defining yourself. You don't have to be just a dyke or just bi. You just like whom you like. I think sexuality is nothing fixed but rather changes throughout your life. If there's a time when you like being a red-head, nothing should stop you from wanting to go blonde some other time. Definitions are not that serious.

Think about it; what if one day you meet this perfect guy but can't be with him because you've decided on dykehood? That if anything would be sad. Or what if someday you'll end up mono and straight?

Take it easy with your identity anxiety and be what you are, without limiting yourself and angsting over which box you fit in. Why should you box yourself in just now?"

<3 her.
 
Vanilla has a really good point there. :) I think I'm going to the same direction as you with my sexual orientation. Right now I would say I'm a Kinsey 4, so in general more attracted to women than men. A few years ago I would've said I'm a 1. I feel like this is changing all the time, not going back and forth though, but going towards total gayness. Now that I know it can change this much, I guess I should know it can go the other way too. One day I might feel totally straight again, who knows. I don't really believe that though. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this thought process. :) We should just let go of the definitions! Although defining yourself as bisexual might be quite convinient, because it's such a broad term and can mean many things. You still don't have to date guys right now if that's not what you want.
 
Go Vanilla :D

Indeed.

Woa, so much's been happening lately that I need to make an inventory of all that I need to write about. Nothing major, just some personal revelations/anxieties finally sorted out.

1) Third date with TNG (the New Girl)
2) Why I never talk about myself much
3) Why Moonlightrunner is awesome

1) I've reached a new personal record in my interpersonal life. I've gone on a third date with someone I like and who appareantly likes me back and we plan to meet for a fourth time and there's been NO SEX SO FAR. Jeez. I put on some pretty underwear and all just in case, because I just didn't know.

She admitted that the herpes thing was a bit of a scare for her. Also, she's so far had one experience with another woman which wasn't hugely successful, and feels she needs to be very much infatuated with someone for sex to do anything at all for her. This weekend she is going to have a date with a girl who turned out to be poly after all, and I told her not to stress about us, to see if she hits off with this other girl and in the meanwhile, we agreed to look into possibilities of FtF STD protection. I was happy though that she said she would like to keep on seeing me as a friend in any case, and also with a delightfully easy schedule of once in every two weeks.

I have not heard of dental dams being sold over here, although I guess I need to check out the sex shops still. The options that have been brought up so far:

a) Take a regular male condom, cut off the head and along the side. Use as a dental dam, with gloves. I've tried this once and the rubber just exploded, so I remain sceptical.
b) Cling film (I needed to GoogleTranslate that word, so I hope you get it). Sounds more like an urban legend to me, plus I suspect the taste is less than optimal. Inpractical to use with lube AND makes a weird nose and sticks everywhere (hence the name). Definitely not my first choice.
3) Femdoms. My personal favourite. Hard to insert, but wouldn't require extra gloves. Also the whole arts-and-crafts element is removed. First lube, then the femdom, and more lube. Easy enough. Also readily available at pharmacist.

Suggestions?
 
It's call Saran wrap in North America, but cling wrap is the generic term. (Like Kleenex vs tissue, Q-tip vs cotton swab.)

I don't understand how the femdom would be effective? Unless there are different types of female condoms? The one I'm thinking of looks like an oversized male condom, with a hoop on the inside end (like a grappling hook!) and a bigger hoop on the outside end. It offers relatively little protection to the outside area compared to a dental dam.

Congrats on the no sex though. Hehehe. I can relate. :p
 
It's call Saran wrap in North America, but cling wrap is the generic term. (Like Kleenex vs tissue, Q-tip vs cotton swab.)

I don't understand how the femdom would be effective? Unless there are different types of female condoms? The one I'm thinking of looks like an oversized male condom, with a hoop on the inside end (like a grappling hook!) and a bigger hoop on the outside end. It offers relatively little protection to the outside area compared to a dental dam.

Congrats on the no sex though. Hehehe. I can relate. :p

Thanks for the translation help! And yeah, it's super weird to progress slow-ly for a change. Actually anticipating the first kiss and stuff...weird :D.

To me, the femdom seemed workable; there's so much rubber hanging outside, you know? At least it felt workable when I did a quick manual inspection of myself while wearing one. For actual intercourse with a real-live penis and all, they are less than optimal, though.

And onwards, to topic 2, aka as why I'm uncomfortable with talking about myself to people I really care about.

I just realized on Monday why I tend not to talk about my own personal difficulties with people I love, those that have no bearing on our relationship - stress, medical problems, sadness etc. I just really don't want to make people worry.

Why? Well if I cause people worry, the sky will fall down! City streets will be covered in blood! The earth shall shatter and oceans will rise and take its place, killing billions on the way!

I don't know what would happen. Something very bad, in any case. So I mustn't, under any circumstances, cause people worry.

Must support others. Must be strong, punctual, have things under control. Must always be reachable. Must not never for no reason turn my phone off. Must talk to people online if they initiate. Must never discuss doctor's appointments or medical complaints. Must never change plans without informing everyone well beforehand. Must never stay too long on any errand.

Otherwise, people will be worried and that's no fun.

So if my head's about to cave in, I will make everything ready for a prolonged absence, get myself ready to go and then make a polite phone call to let them know I'm about to have myself committed to a phychiatric hospital for a few months, and could they please take care of my plants while I'm away?

Because that will surely not create any anxiety and paranoia as to how deeply I'm covering my feelings under a smile and a "I'm good, thanks, and you" in the hearts of my near and dears :rolleyes:.

My obsession with my phone, for example, goes back to my mother's approach to wireless communication. She will get absolutely ballistic if I don't respond to her calls. She can call me 29 times and send 18 messages during an hour and a half if I've forgotten my phone somewhere. I can't turn my phone off in a movie theatre without texting her beforehand that my phone will be off for x amount of time and I will call her immediately after the movie ends. And she will always call me if I send the text to make sure - I don't actually know what she's trying to make sure. That I'm alive and it's not somebody else texting from my phone, maybe?

So I fear that other people will answer with extreme anger if I cause them to worry, and will make whatever issue I'm having all about them, how bad they are feeling because I told them about this, how worried they are now for me, how they can't let me do anything now for the fear of the x thing I'm worried and insecure about happening, ending with me having to console them for causing them discomfort with opening up. This is a basic belief about other people I really need to test and work on.
 
Why Moonlightrunner is super-awesome and totally good for me

Topic three that needs to be addressed.

In case someone whose been reading hasn't noticed, I have fallen for Vanilla. Badly. Big time. To a point where I'm struggling to keep my head above the water of NRE.

I felt like an NRE monster. Here I was, neglecting existing partners to go romp away with the new one, if only in the emotional sense. Since I didn't feel this intense, all-consuming passion with Moonlight, I must be taking him on for a ride. He would just be getting the emotional sloppy seconds of me, not the full-on attention he deserves.

And then the horror, the mayhem! I was over their place one night and we didn't have sex with Moonlight :eek:! I was too tired after a ten-hour work shift. We made up for the lack in the morning, but I was still petrified. If you no longer are humping at every opportunity, it must be that things have staled down beyond repair, right :rolleyes:?

Due to past experiences, I freak out way too easily over any and all sex-related weirdness in a relationship. I was convinced my relationship with Vanilla was about to turn entirely platonic after a similar fall asleep without prior sexy times-experience a month ago, which I took to mean we were, after two months of dating, in the middle of the fabled Lesbian Bed Death(Over-reacting? Me? How can you say such a thing?!?!).

You can probably see why I value partners who are a bit less excitable and have a firm grasp of reality.

So I took a few days to mentally prepare for my "I understand if you want to break-up with me"-talk with Moonlight. It went something like this.

"So, you know, I'm really in love with Vanilla right now."
"I've noticed."
"Um...does it, like, make you feel bad, or sad?"
"As long as still you like me, too, I'm happy for the two of you."

All the anticipation! All the drama! For nothing? Talking about an anti-climax right there.

He also went on to talk about how he somehow, even after such a short time, feels very established with me. Like the love between us is born more out of shared attachment than intense infatuation. I truly feel like a satellite member of their family now.

And he's making me a skirt for my b-day. Totally non-poly related, but just wanted to gloat over having a man who can sew :p.

Also, Vanilla told me just recently she doesn't feel the need to look for any additional relationships right now. She feels so fulfilled with me, all her needs are being met, and her head is too full of my rose-tinted pictures right now. In her previous relationships, when she's been with a man, she's felt like maybe a woman would be more up her alley, and with women she has yearned for a man to come along. She said I'm the first one she's ever dated who doesn't make her feel like she's lacking something in her life. I know it's the NRE talking but I like what it's saying. And her need for male companionship is pretty much catered to by her FWBs. She said it feels funny that now when she finally has the opportunity to explore other relationships while with someone, she doesn't need to. Maybe it was just the freedom she needed before. And a few years along the line, when we're more established, there's time for others.
 
I can relate to the thing about your mother and causing people worry. My mother used to expect that I call her and talk for about an hour each day. And if I didn't answer my phone she would freak out completely. I, too, worry a lot about people getting angry over stuff like that. Last fall I finally weaned her off the phone convos. Now we talk a few times a week. It was difficult. I got a lot of accusations of me not loving her, etc.

I am terrified of falling in love with a vanilla. I'm not sure that I could engage in sex without any kink. O, my previous partner was a vanilla and that did not go well. I suppose though if you have multiple partners it isn't such a big deal. That's awesome though that she feels really fulfilled. :) sounds like it's going well. I would imagine it just takes time to integrate all the relationships and gain a good collective rhythm.
 
Your realisations about not wanting to make people worry sound like important ones! I'm sure some of those are behaviours you can change now that you've noticed them. :) Just thinking about having to be by the phone all the time, or else drama, makes me so anxious! It does seem you need some firmer boundaries with your mother..

Go Moonlightrunner! :) It's such a good feeling when your expections of major drama are met with an anti-climax like that. And then you feel sort of silly for building the whole thing up because the anticipation has been so much worse than it had been if you'd just talked right away. Been there, with different issues.. :eek:
 
I am terrified of falling in love with a vanilla. I'm not sure that I could engage in sex without any kink.

Oh my! Terrified of loving! No, don't be terrified of that. Loving someone will make it beautiful, and a loving relationship is about lots more than sex. Besides, what kinksters call vanilla sex (what a put-down!) isn't really necessarily boring or unadventurous. AND, if you're poly, you can also have another lover to do kinky shit with. So, if love comes your way, don't fight it or be terrified, let it in!
 
I agree and disagree but I elaborated more in my blog. :) Youre right to say I shouldnt be closed off to that completely but I do have some valid concerns there.
 
VanillaIce is a kinkster. I love her, want to make her happy. Even if it means going out of my comfort zone at times. In the meanwhile, I'm trying to sort out if there is something in BDSM I could identify with, what is something I'm comfortable with and what I'm not okay with. Tender boundary-exploration in-process.
BU, I thought I remembered you saying, some time ago (perhaps not long after you joined here?), that you're not into BDSM at all.
Oh, I was wondering because you were sounding like an expert already.
 
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